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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729659">Hurt and Comfort</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wolf_and_the_Moon/pseuds/The_Wolf_and_the_Moon'>The_Wolf_and_the_Moon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s02e03 School Reunion, Post-Episode: s02e04 The Girl in the Fireplace, Post-Episode: s02e11 Fear Her, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:28:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,422</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wolf_and_the_Moon/pseuds/The_Wolf_and_the_Moon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor rescues Rose from a particularly close call. In nursing her back to health, they both begin to share more about their pasts and grow closer together. </p><p>Can Rose forgive the Doctor's actions towards her after he regenerated, and begin to feel safe and valued again? </p><p>Can the Doctor help Rose regain her confidence, and overcome the guilt he carries throughout his life along with his reservations about being in a romantic relationship?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>161</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One: Cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He scanned the moonlit shoreline, desperate, searching for her body, seeing nothing. </p><p>Heavy rain beat down around him, obscuring his vision. </p><p>Beginning to panic, the Doctor stumbled closer to the lake, feet sinking in the wet mud like molasses. </p><p>His chest tightened to the point he felt he couldn’t breathe. Surely his bypass would kick in. </p><p>No, no, no, his mind repeated.</p><p>And then, there- a dark object buffeted by the waves. A flash of blue denim, a shock of bright blonde hair, face down in water. </p><p>“Rose!” he dove towards her, hauling her up and out, sinking to his knees; sinking further into the mud. </p><p>In the low light he took her in. Eyes shut, her left was blackened deeply in the socket. Down to her lips, he found them split and, to his horror, turning blue. </p><p>Two fingers to her neck, he felt no pulse.</p><p>He begun resuscitation, tilting her head back first, opening up her mouth with his thumb and fingers and feeling for any obstructions. Pressing down on her breastbone so hard he worried her ribs would break. Kissing air into her lungs. </p><p>“Come on, my Rose,” he said murmured, “Come on.” </p><p>Finally, she was gasping, chest heaving, water spilling from her lips. </p><p>“There, there,” he said, pulling her up by her hips until she was leaning weakly on her forearms, making it easier to expel the water from her lungs. </p><p>“I’ve got you,” he soothed. </p><p>“Knew you’d come for me,” she spluttered between coughs, “My Doctor.” </p><p>“Shhh,” he replied, “Don’t try to talk. Conserve your energy.” </p><p>She did need to. And, if he were truthful, right now he didn’t want to hear her unshaken faith in him. Not now.</p><p>She coughed some more; he felt her grow weaker in his arms, and then break out in a bodily shiver.</p><p>“You’re hypothermic. We need to get you warmed up.” </p><p>“Mmm,” she murmured, eyes struggling to stay open. </p><p>“Stay with me, Rose,” he said, stripping off his long brown coat, the inside of which remained dry, and wrapping her in it before hoisting her into his arms. </p><p>But she struggled to keep her eyes open; she was just so cold, everything was so cold. </p><p>Running to her rescue some minutes earlier, he’d spied an unlit cottage some yards from the shore. He decided to take a gamble that it’d be some holiday home, abandoned for the moment, but stocked with something they could use. </p><p>Time was of the essence; he needed to get her warm, now. </p><p>Calling through their door to no response, he freed an arm to quickly sonic it open and pushed inside with his hip, keeping Rose sheltered in his arms.</p><p>Wooden stairs led to what looked to be a main bedroom. He climbed them two at a time. There was firewood in a large fireplace beside an unmade, white cast iron bed.  </p><p>“Can you stand for a minute, sweetheart?” he said to her, endearment slipping out. </p><p>“Yeah,” Rose replied, voice strained. </p><p>He helped to her feet, one arm wrapped around her waist. She stumbled; luckily, he caught here.</p><p>“No, you can’t,” the Doctor said softly, “Here, lean against me.” </p><p>Keeping her propped against his chest and hip, he encouraged her to wrap her own arm around his waist. With his free hand, he started piling wood onto the fire. </p><p>Even in the depths of his shame, feeling her soft curves against his body sent an illicit thrill through him. A violation of so many of the rules of his people, of her trust in him, and still, as always, he couldn’t help but feel.</p><p>A quick flash of the sonic and the room was illuminated with an amber glow.</p><p>“Mmm, that’s gorgeous,” Rose slurred, reaching out to feel the warmth. </p><p>“Lie down on the rug here in front of the fire, Rose,” the Doctor said, “I’m going to get some linens, and then we’ll get you into bed, nice and warm.”</p><p>Don’t go, she wanted to say, but she was just so tired.</p><p>He left anyway. </p><p>Her head lolled back, her vision swam. The room was closing in, darkening. </p><p>Where was the Doctor? </p><p>She was back on that spaceship. Back on Satellite Five. Again, on the Sanctuary Base, hearing that he’d fallen. </p><p>He was leaving her again, and he wasn’t coming back, and there was nothing she could do.</p><p>She couldn’t even call out to him, couldn’t force the words out.</p><p>Her breathing sped up. </p><p>And then she was back on the boat, and they were striking her across the face, telling her the Doctor wasn’t coming for her, that she’d die in the water and no one would care.</p><p>No, don’t go. </p><p>She wanted to tell him not to leave her, not again, because she loved him, and when he left she felt it like a knife through the chest.</p><p>No, no, no. </p><p>The room went black. </p><p>When she woke up, he was standing over her, all pale skin and freckles, wide brown eyes boring into her. </p><p>“Doctor?”</p><p>“I need… you to undress, Rose. Can you manage that?” </p><p>“Mmm?” she mumbled, half delirious. </p><p>“You’re wet. Your clothes. You’ll never get warm without- well,” he stuttered.</p><p>“You came back.” </p><p>Came back? She was was becoming delirious. This wasn’t good. </p><p>He’d need to do this. The Doctor steeled his nerves to take a liberty he never wanted to take with her, a liberty that would bring shame to him in the ever-judging eyes of his people. A liberty which she didn’t seem conscious enough to understand.</p><p>“I’m going to help you now, Rose. Is that alright?” </p><p>No response. </p><p>His hands reached to the button of her jeans, fumbled it open, fingers splaying on the bare skin of her abdomen for purchase.</p><p>“No,” she murmured, distantly. </p><p>He froze, hands dropping, eyes shooting to hers.</p><p>“Rose, I have to,” he said weakly, shamed. </p><p>“Don’t…”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he replied, voice thick. </p><p>Shaking, he brought his hands back to her jeans, grasping her zipper and slowly dragging it down, teeth by teeth. Brushed against her with his fingers.</p><p>“No!” she exclaimed loudly, and suddenly she was thrashing on the ground, fighting him.</p><p>“Rose, stop it,” he commanded, scared out of his mind by her reaction. </p><p>Crawling over her, he pinned her hips with his and tried to grasp her arms.</p><p>“Stop it, stop it…I’m trying to help you, you’ll never get warm in these wet clothes, you’ll die!” </p><p>One particularly well aimed hit met with the soft flesh of his abdomen.</p><p>“Do you have a death wish? Stop fighting me, you stupid girl!” he bit out, temper lost. </p><p>She whimpered and stilled, gaze falling to the fire.</p><p>He watched the tears streak down her face.</p><p>Roughly, he returned to a kneel, dragging her wet jeans off her shapely legs and throwing them over his shoulder. </p><p>And then there was the thin triangle of soaked white lace between her legs. Rassilon help him, those would need to come off too. </p><p>Grasping lace, he quickly brought her panties down past her ankles, untangling them around her feet, jostling her legs open to a splay. </p><p>He couldn’t help the quick glance that followed to her soft, dark thatch of curls. </p><p>He felt like the lowest bastard who ever lived. </p><p>“Sorry, I…” he stuttered.</p><p>But she still wasn’t looking at him. </p><p>Rain beat down against the window pane. </p><p>“I’ll be quick,” he nodded to her upper body. </p><p>He lifted her shirt up and gasped. </p><p>There, on her abdomen and trailing up, were a series of faded circular marks. Cigarette burns. </p><p>Too old to be from whatever had happened tonight.</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he sighed.  </p><p>“Don’t look,” she whimpered. </p><p>“I won’t, I won’t, just…” </p><p>She still had on her wet brassiere. </p><p>“I won’t look any more than I have to,” he said more carefully, reverting to a professional tone, “but I need to get this off in order to warm you up, okay.” </p><p>“Okay,” she said quietly, “Sorry for being so stupid.”</p><p>The Doctor breathed in sharply at hearing his cruel words echoed back at him. </p><p>He had hurt her, again.</p><p>Not content with the physical danger he had subjected her to tonight, he’d obviously felt the need to inflict some more emotional damage. </p><p>Eyes firmly fixed on her right collarbone he reached behind her back to unclasp her brassiere and slide it down her shoulders. </p><p>“Now, let’s sit you up, and get you dried off,” he said, pulling her to a seated position, averting his gaze and holding out a fluffy white towel.</p><p>“Can you take it from here?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, reaching out and tugging it limply from his grasp.</p><p>“I’ve made the bed,” he continued, unseeing. “After you’re dry, you can hop under the sheets and get nice and warm.”</p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“I’m heating up some water in pan. There’s no tea, but it should warm you up. Lucky you, I’ve also find a few hot water bottles.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she replied from behind his shoulder.</p><p>“I’m putting your clothes here too so they’ll be dry by the morning, and then, and I’m sorry for this, I’ll take mine off and… join you in bed so I can keep your other side warm, the side away from the fire I mean,” he babbled, “I can regulate my temperature, you know.” </p><p>“Doctor, s’okay. Said I trusted you.” </p><p>“You were crying,” he said quietly.</p><p>“I just… I…” she trailed off. </p><p>But she couldn’t tell him. He still wouldn’t meet her gaze. How could he understand? She never wanted him to see this part of her, the part of her that was so weak and so ashamed. </p><p>The girl she had been, who had nothing else but orders and pain and loved anyway.</p><p>By the fireplace, gaze still turned, the Doctor began mechanically stripping. Trying not to focus on that fact that she was naked behind him, and now he would be naked too, baring his naked back and arse to her as she towelled her beautiful body dry. </p><p>A sharp cry echoed through the room, and, to his horror, a second later so did the sound of said body thudding to the floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rose!” he yelled, forgetting his nakedness as he ran to her side. </p><p>She was kneeling on the ground near the bed, grasping the iron frame in an attempt to pull herself up. The corner of the bedside table was red with blood. Hauling her by the waist as he helped her, he saw that her split lip had been reopened. </p><p>Stubborn as always, she’d obviously taken his words as a suggestion that she get herself in the bed. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be more careful?</p><p>“You were too weak. Stupid, stupid,” he said, hating himself all over again. </p><p>But of course, Rose misunderstood. </p><p>The Doctor saw her flinch sharply, curling away wounded into the thick, white sheets.</p><p>“I meant me, I should have…” he uttered hopelessly. </p><p>Rose scoffed, furrowing her dark brows.</p><p>But the right words were trapped in his chest.</p><p>He offered her a mug of hot water instead.</p><p>“Here, sit up,” he said gently. “It’s not our evening cup of tea, but it’ll have to do. I’ll get something to clean up your poor face.”</p><p>Stealing a glance out of the corner of his eye as he searched for a clean towel, he found her sipping from her mug, gaze numb and firmly focused on the patchwork quilt. </p><p>He’d failed to protect her, again. Taken liberties. Lost his temper.</p><p>He was almost glad his people weren’t around to see him. </p><p>He hadn’t known that about her past either, though he’d suspected she had one.  </p><p>Striding back to her side, towel and hot water bottles in hand, he noticed her eyes slip up briefly to his bobbing manhood before returning to the quilt. Watched the red spread across her cheeks. </p><p>It was a good sign for her hypothermia, but a danger to them both.</p><p>Didn’t she have any sense of self-preservation?</p><p>Or perhaps it was just an animal instinct. </p><p>“May I,” he said, shaking away dark thoughts before holding a damp towel to her bleeding lip.</p><p>The Doctor delicately mopped the blood from her lip, staining the white cloth red. And wasn’t that just a charming metaphor?</p><p>But as he sat beside her, legs crossed, her eyes slide back up again to find his. </p><p>They were large and luminous, and only centimetres away. And as shockingly, damningly beautiful as they ever were. </p><p>How had he thought of her as an animal just earlier? She was his Fortuna, his golden goddess who held the entirety of creation and brought life and death; who raised him high and brought him low. </p><p>She was his best mate.</p><p>And she was also just a girl, in his care. </p><p>“There we are, Miss Tyler,” he smiled gently. “Nearly good as new. I’m sorry I don’t have anything for your eye. I can’t risk your hypothermia with a cold compress.” </p><p>She gave him a small smile back. “You a real Doctor, then?” </p><p>“Rose Tyler!” he wiggled his eyebrows. “How could you doubt me?” </p><p>“Thought it was a name, not a title,” she giggled.  </p><p>“Can’t it be both?” </p><p>“Not usually, no.” </p><p>“Enough of your cheek, young lady. You lie down now, and let’s keep getting you warmer.”</p><p>“I already feel better,” she said, moving to her back. </p><p>Shifting to make space for him. </p><p>“I’m glad, but I’m still concerned about your temperature,” said the Doctor.</p><p>He paused. Took a deep breath.</p><p>“The thing I said I’d do earlier. I really think it’s for your best, but I’d like your consent.”</p><p>She looked at him blankly. </p><p>“I want, I want… share my warmth with you… by pressing myself against your back. You can keep your front to the fire, and I’ll just…” he babbled, “I swear to you, it’s medically necessary and you needn’t fear any… untoward advances from me.”</p><p>“Course, Doctor. Said I trusted you, didn’t I?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> “And you needn’t… from me either,” Rose added.</p><p>“Of course,” the Doctor replied stiffly.</p><p>He slipped into her bed, slipped around her. Wrapped his slim body across her back. Slid his legs through her legs. Felt his body relax like it was coming home. </p><p>And then he was just a man, holding his beloved. </p><p>“This alright?” he asked, voice thick and low.</p><p>“Yeah. S’good, thanks,” she replied.</p><p>Reaching a long arm around her, he grabbed the towel-wrapped water bottles from where he’d set them down. </p><p>“We need to leave this on your chest, and groin, to get your circulation going. That okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“I’m just gonna…” he said, and quickly placed the first between her breasts. </p><p>Rose felt her breathing caught. Having him look after her tonight has been such painful pleasure. Hearing him refer to those parts of her body, though the words were clinical and removed, increased that ache to agony.</p><p>“And…” </p><p>A soft whisper against her neck. A warm pressure between her legs, pushing, opening her. His naked chest against her back; his soft cock against her bum. She wanted to keen, wanted to moan.</p><p>Wanted to forget what he’d seen earlier and how this, surely, had revealed how worthless she really was.</p><p>As if he hadn’t already known.</p><p>“There,” he said, pressing a gentle kiss into her head. </p><p>The last kindness was too much.</p><p>Was it pity?</p><p>Would he do this for anyone who was in hurt?</p><p>She knew him, and she knew he would. </p><p>She started to cry again.</p><p>“Oh, Rose. Don’t cry, sweetheart,” he said, but it only made it worse.</p><p>“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. I won’t let anyone of them hurt you, never again,” he soothed, flicking his thumb against one of the scars against her abdomen, “None of them.” </p><p>“Oh,” she exclaimed, crying harder. “No…”</p><p>“There, there,” he whispered into her hair, rocking her. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m being so s-s-stupid.” </p><p>“Did he call you stupid, Rose?” he said softly, thumb flicking over her abdomen again. “The man who did that?” </p><p>She shrugged. </p><p>“And I do the same.”</p><p>Rose tensed.</p><p>“And you put up with it. Because you believe it,” he whispered. </p><p>“I know I must seem that way to you,” Rose replied bravely, wiping away her tears.</p><p>The Doctor breathed in deeply. </p><p>“Oh, but I don’t think that, not really.”</p><p>Rose scoffed again.</p><p>“I don’t.” </p><p>“You say it,” she bit out. “All the time.”</p><p>“I know,” he said softly.</p><p>“Sometimes you make me feel so… like I’m worth something. And then you just take it away and it hurts. It really hurts.”</p><p>“I don’t mean to. I don’t think you’re not clever, I really don’t.”</p><p>“Stop lying, just stop.” </p><p>He sighed, pressed himself further into her back. </p><p>“When I was a child, to my people, I was stupid.” </p><p>Rose turned across her shoulder to look at him, surprised.</p><p>“You?” she asked, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“My mother was… she was someone… inappropriate for my father to… not that he, well. And even though his genes were dominant… at first, in School, I couldn’t learn. Not as fast, or the same way. And I felt things that they didn’t, that I shouldn’t.”</p><p>Rose shifted her body around more fully, and looked into his eyes, searching. </p><p>Bereft of her body, shamed by her gaze, the Doctor curled his empty hand onto the pillow between them. </p><p>“I lose my temper, and it just, it just comes out. What they used to… And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I never want you to feel like you w-w-were, that you weren’t brilliant.” he confessed.</p><p>Rose threaded her hand through his. </p><p>“Did you hate it, too? School?”</p><p>“They took us away, from the age of eight, to a kind of… boarding school, I suppose, is how you’d think of it. Dead posh. I was terrified, I missed my mother, who they all looked down on, but she was warm, and kind... I wanted to run away, all the time.”</p><p>“Me too. I didn’t know. We were so alike.” </p><p>“How about that, Rose Tyler?”</p><p>They smiled at each other, giddily.</p><p>“Are you starting to feel warmer, my lovely, brilliant, Rose, all wrapped up and toasty?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I think so.”</p><p>“Wiggle those toes and fingers for me, Miss Tyler. How does that feel?”</p><p>“Good,” she laughed, “Fine.” </p><p>Then her face grew serious again. </p><p>“That doesn’t make it okay, to say that to me when you lose your temper, Doctor,” she continued softly. </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I don’t know how much longer I can stand it anymore. Being reminded… of how far beneath you I am. I mean it, it really does hurt.”</p><p>“I know. I’ll stop. And you’re not, you know, beneath me. That was just what they thought. So closed off to anything different, anything new, to any emotion. But they were wrong.” </p><p>“You never tell me anything about your people.”</p><p>“You didn’t tell me about that,” he said, nodding to her abdomen. </p><p>“I didn’t want you to know.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because… it hurts. It’s humiliating.”</p><p>He gave her a small, bitter smile.</p><p>"But I want to know. I want to know everything about you," she continued. </p><p> "As do I, you, Rose Tyler." </p><p>“He did things. Jimmy. I let him do things.”</p><p>“What things?” he murmured, whisper soft.</p><p>“He… he... drunk a lot. Played around. Other things. Still I let him order me about. And when he left me, I was devastated.”</p><p>“I never want… to let anyone hurt you again. Hearing that, seeing that, it’s…” </p><p>“Too much?” </p><p>“No! I’m honoured, that you’d tell me. I just… want you to be safe.” </p><p>“I don’t want anyone to hurt you either. Especially not- I wish I could go back, to that lonely boy, and hold him-“ her voice broke.</p><p>“You do,” he said, moving closer to her, “You are.”</p><p>She sighed as he brought his hands up to her temples, a crude mimicry of an act of love she couldn’t know of, and kissed her forehead. </p><p>“Doctor…” she breathed. </p><p>Trembling, he trailed his hands down to her cheeks, and ever so gently, kissed her bruised and blackened eye. Pressed his lips to the side of hers where it stung.</p><p>Slowly, he lowered the bedsheets till her abdomen was exposed. Placed his lips on the lowest scar. </p><p>Rose gasped.</p><p>He trailed more kisses up, up, up those round burns dotting her stomach. Up to the one on the underside of her right breast, making her whimper like a wolf scratching at the door out in the snow, begging her master to let her in.</p><p>Finally he sucked her nipple into his mouth, engulfing the last, the worst, the most humiliating. </p><p>When he returned his head to the pillow, Rose was staring, panting.  </p><p>She lunged at him, hands grabbing his cheeks, mashing her lips to his; tongues and teeth and desperate, desperate hunger.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For just one moment, the Doctor was still.</p><p>Then he was grasping her hands harshly and shoving her off him.</p><p>“Rose, no.”</p><p>“I thought...” she trailed off.</p><p>Pinning his gaze to a corner of the room across her shoulder, he tried not to look. But he could hear the vulnerability in her voice, and could imagine it splashed across her face. Could remember her in another time and place, on a street corner outside a School, bearing her heart to him. She was always the brave one.  </p><p>This time, like the last time, he knew what he had to do. </p><p>“Don’t,” he said, pursing his lips into a hard line.  </p><p>“You- you were all over me!” she exclaimed. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said coldly. </p><p>“You’re always sorry! You-you kissed my scars! No one’s ever…” </p><p>Finally, the Doctor showed some emotion. </p><p>“Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? For my people, this would be a perversion,” he spat. </p><p>“But it’s not, it’s not,” she breathed, hating the high, desperate whine her voice had taken on, but unable to stop.  “You and me, you know it’s not, please, Doctor.”</p><p>He lost control. </p><p>“I’m 900 years older than you! You’re in my care. We’re a different species, for god’s sake!” </p><p>Rose stared him dead in the eye and tried not to flinch. His teeth were clenched, his chest was breathing heavy, and colour was rising across his pale, freckled skin. </p><p>“No- that’s not how it is between us,” she replied, a little more certain. “I don’t know whose words those are, but they aren’t yours.” </p><p>“I’ve seen first-hand what this will lead to for someone in your position. I won’t use you, to fulfil some… base need.”<br/>

Hearing the love of her life referring to her like that hurt like a knife.  </p><p>“Don’t say that about us, it’s not like that!”</p><p>“Rose, I won’t hurt you like that. I won’t father a child on you. I won’t be my father.”</p><p>Rose gasped.</p><p>“Are you saying…?”</p><p>The Doctor just shook his head, eyes lowered, lip jutting out stubbornly.</p><p>“Why’d you do it, why’d you say those things… touch me like that, then?” Rose choked out, angry, humiliated tears begging to spill. “Was it just a game, am I just a game to you? Tell me!”</p><p>His eyes met hers again.</p><p>“You know that’s not true.”</p><p>How she hated when he turned those puppy eyes on her. The eyes that she knew he used on her, on the others, to get what he wanted. They made you feel like the centre of the universe, but they weren’t real.</p><p>He could be so manipulative when he wanted to be. </p><p>Maybe she was wrong, after all, about what they meant to each other. Sometimes, at her darkest, she felt like he just wanted the attention. </p><p>“I don’t know anything, actually. I thought I did, but I got that wrong, again. You don’t want a child with me? I didn’t say I wanted one either!”</p><p>“Sexual intercourse is about biological reproduction Rose, it just is!” </p><p>“I don’t believe that, and I don’t think you do either! You said you felt things, that you shouldn’t, according to your people. What did you feel, Doctor?”</p><p>“Stop it,” he growled.</p><p>“What did your father feel?”</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>“Tell me, just tell me the truth, for once.”</p><p>“It’s that simple, is it?”</p><p>“Yes, it is! Just tell me you don’t want me, so I can know, so I can move on. Please.”</p><p>Could he do it, the Doctor thought? Could he tell her no, I don’t want you, and in doing so save himself and her? </p><p>“Please, please,” he heard her repeat, hysterical. </p><p>The words just wouldn’t seem to come.</p><p>“I can’t, anymore,” she cried. “Please, it hurts…”</p><p>But the thought of her moving on was an anathema to him. Letting another man into her bed. Moving beneath someone else, rutting like an animal, skin on skin, drenched in sweat.</p><p>In her bed, in her mind, inside her. Where only he should get to be.  </p><p>“Why won’t you answer me? If you don’t want me, fine. But if it’s about it being wrong, you and me… no one has to know,” she continued. “I won’t tell anyone you’ve lowered yourself to be with me.”</p><p>The Doctor scoffed, rolling his eyes to the heavens.  </p><p>“If it’s about children, well, doesn’t birth control work for your people?”</p><p>“Yes. Maybe,” he finally bit out. “I don’t know. We didn’t have it, on… but the principle of the thing, yes.”</p><p>“Then we can just be together, you and me, here, like this. Our secret. And afterwards, I can duck to the chemist, and we can go on, like we always do. Only with this, when we’re alone,” she cajoled, reaching out to stroke his arm. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he prevaricated. </p><p>“Doctor, please. You know we’d be good for each other, you know it. We’re so alike, remember? You’re my best friend.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t be good for you. Don’t you know that by now?”</p><p>“You are. So good, even when it hurts, you make me feel so alive. Like I can do something worthwhile, like I can stand up and help people. Like I never felt before.”</p><p>“You don’t need me to do that,” he said, eyes boring into hers, as if willing her to understand. </p><p>“But I didn’t know that, before. You showed me how. Please, let me show how I feel. Let me love you, like that lonely little boy deserved to be loved.”</p><p>He looked at her, tear streaked, naked, golden in the firelight. Fierce and fragile; alive, and dying. Leaving him every second, but miraculously here, now. </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he said, “Forgive me.” </p><p>And just as sure as she thought he was about to run, he was on her. Grasping her cheek with his right hand. Rolling over her, kissing her deeply, pressing her down into the mattress.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is this okay?” he mumbled between thrusting his tongue messily into her mouth.</p><p>“Yeah,” she mumbled back, biting his top lip, a little too wild. </p><p>“And you’re not doing this, because something happened on that boat you haven’t told me about?” he said, pausing, rolling offer her a little.</p><p>“Nothing happened you haven’t already seen,” she said, cupping his face, her eyes like pools. </p><p>He moved his hands down to knead her breasts, hard and desperate and a little too rough. Stared at them while he did so, slack jawed.  </p><p>“And you don’t feel this is something you have to do?” he said, stopping and meeting her eyes again. “Because, of who I am, and how you rely on me, as it were?”</p><p>“Doctor. Now you’re being silly. I want you, I always want you, can’t you tell?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, dropping his eyes down between her legs and nodding to himself as if making a decision. </p><p>Rose watched him move a hand down and pump his erection, once, twice, three times to full flag. Then he was mounting her again and placing himself at her entrance. </p><p>“Doctor,” she gasped as he began to push in, shoving at his chest.</p><p>“Rose, what…” he said, brows furrowed. </p><p>What was she playing at, he thought to himself? He didn’t understand. She said she wanted him. </p><p>He felt hot, and humiliated, mind flashing back to centuries past. Perhaps he had disgusted her when she’d seen to true extent of his need. His attentions were not what she expected, too much. </p><p>“Slow down, yeah?” she said, shooting him a tongue touched smile and rubbing her hands across his pectorals and down his arms. “I need a little more working up, if I’m going to…” </p><p>“Right,” he said, brows still furrowed. </p><p>“Here,” she said, guiding his hand between her legs. </p><p>“Rose,” he growled, as she showed him how to rub her in light, tight circles.</p><p>“Can you suck my neck, a little?” she requested quietly. </p><p>He moved back on top of her then, and she released his hand with a quick mutter not to stop, so she could thread it through his thick brown hair. </p><p>“Is that… good? Do you like that?” he asked, hesitantly, face pressed into her warm, moist skin.</p><p>“Mmm, yeah, Doctor,” she moaned theatrically, trying to encourage him. “S’good.”</p><p>He kept going, rubbing and sucking rhythmically. </p><p>“What was this like, back home?”</p><p>The Doctor didn’t know how to answer her. </p><p>“Is there something you’d like?” she whispered in his ear silkily, as if they were sharing a great secret. </p><p>“I don’t, I don’t know,” he whispered back, embarrassed. </p><p>“Come on,” she cajoled, “Anything you want.”</p><p>“I just… just, keep touching me, please.”</p><p>“My pleasure,” she growled, giving his short locks a tug. “S’really great hair.”</p><p>He moaned back against her neck, hips bucking against her leg before giving her another hard, wet, suck. She moaned back. </p><p>Then Rose was trailing a clever little hand down to the light smattering of fur that covered his chest.</p><p>“And I like this, too,” she added, threading her fingers through it and tugging.</p><p>He pressed a sharp laugh into her shoulder, thinking about her swishing around London in her big, pink skirts not long ago. Flashing him a bright smile. Showing off for him, seeking his approval of her look in a way that thrilled him. </p><p>“Yes, I remember,” he replied, sounding a bit more like himself, “Grr, chest hair, you said.”  </p><p>She giggled as she kissed his crown affectionately.</p><p>“You looked beautiful,” he said, slitted eyes flicking up. “My pink and yellow girl.”</p><p>“Really?” she smiled shyly at him.</p><p>“You always look beautiful,” he said.</p><p>“Not too big? Or… the scars?”</p><p>Rose nodded down at her body and held her breath. </p><p>The Doctor paused. </p><p>Didn’t she see how her looks, her personality, drew men to her like a flame? Perhaps he’d underestimated the impact of her early relationship. She didn’t just think she was stupid, sometimes, evidently. </p><p>She also didn’t know she was the most beautiful, most charming woman in all of creation. </p><p>He’d been so proud to have her on his arm that day. So devastated when they’d taken away her lovely face from him. </p><p>Her bright smiles, her kind eyes that brought so much joy into his life. Joy where he thought there’d never be joy no more.   </p><p>The Doctor wished he knew how to say it, wished he wasn’t so inept at this. </p><p>She deserved romance, and all she got was him. Needy, pathetic and alien. </p><p>“You’re beautiful,” he said, rubbing a bit harder between her legs, trying to show her how much he cared with actions, if not words. “The most beautiful women I ever…”</p><p>“Oh, Doctor.” </p><p>Rose gave him a little half smile as if she didn’t quite believe him. </p><p>“You are,” he said shyly. </p><p>“So are you. The most beautiful, wonderful man.” </p><p>The Doctor buried his head against her chest and thrust helplessly against her leg, leaving a wet trail.</p><p>“Ohhh, now,” she gasped, reaching for his cock.</p><p>“I can…?” he murmured, eyes wide.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>He swallowed. Now’s the time, old man. </p><p>Would she mind if he shoved it in quickly? No- she’d said, earlier, slow. Slow. He could do slow.</p><p>“I’ll…” he trailed off, steeling his nerves as he lined himself up against her.</p><p>Slowly, slowly, he pushed his tip inside. Rose threw her head back violently and moaned, clenching around him.</p><p>The Doctor hissed, opening her inch by inch, until he was fully sheathed. </p><p>Wrapped up inside her, warm and snug and not alone.</p><p>“That feels…” she muttered, eyes screwed shut. </p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed. </p><p>Rose opened her eyes.</p><p>“Come on,” she murmured, bucking gently, her round, kiss stung lips upturned. </p><p>“Move now?” he asked, unsure. </p><p>“Please, Doctor,” she smiled cheekily, “Give it to me.” </p><p>“Oh,” he groaned, thrusting hard. “Oh, yes. Rose.”</p><p>The Doctor set to it, starting up a steady rhythm that he hoped she’d enjoy. </p><p>“Beautiful… beautiful… my soft Rose. Kind Rose,” he muttered from atop her, all the epithets he usually kept confined to his head spilling out. </p><p>“Oh, god,” she was soon crying out, eyelids fluttering. "Oh, god, Doctor."</p><p>“Do you like that? Do you like… me?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she moaned. "Fuck me."</p><p>“R-Rose,” he stuttered. “My Rose.” </p><p>“Yes. Yours, I’m yours, tell me I'm yours.” </p><p>“Stay with me. Please stay,” he gasped into her ear instead, the plea leaving his lips without control. </p><p>“M’staying,” she gasped back. </p><p>But it wasn’t enough. </p><p>“How long? How long are you gonna stay with me?” he demanded, teeth clenched. </p><p>She looked at him, uncertainty clear in her eyes. </p><p>"Hmm?" he thrust hard into her for emphasis. </p><p>Then, for the second time that night, the Doctor watched Rose choose to be the brave one. </p><p>“Forever,” she said, and kissed him gently. </p><p>“Forever,” he ground back, biting her lip, pistoning into her like a man possessed. "You'll be with me..."</p><p>Soon she was shaking around him, screwing her eyes shut and pressing her face into the pillow with a whine. </p><p>And when he came after her, it was with his temple pressed to hers, and his tears spilling down onto her face.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part Two: Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She woke slowly to the sound of the mattress groaning. </p><p>Rose stretched, feeling sore and well loved. The warmth that coated her back, where he’d evidently been wrapped around her through the night, slowly seeped away as she came to consciousness. </p><p>It was a dreary morning. Faint sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating his bare figure as he poked through their clothes on the fireplace. </p><p>“Hey,” she said, sitting up a little and offering him a shy smile, one hand clasping the white sheet to her naked chest.</p><p>“Rose,” he said, turning quickly and giving her a stiff nod back before dropping his gaze.</p><p>Rose went cold. </p><p>“You won’t tell anyone, will you?” he said as he’d pulled on his trousers, back still to her. Then, a little more commanding, he added, “Don’t tell anyone. What I’ve done to you.” </p><p>Of course. She was so stupid.  A secret, she’d offered, and he’d agreed. </p><p>“Don’t worry,” she finally replied, forcing a lightness into her voice. “Said I wouldn’t.” </p><p>“Good, good,” he said, buttoning up his shirt.<br/>
</p><p> Rose watched him, wearily. </p><p>“Going to get up?” he said, noticing her stare. </p><p>“Sure,” she said, dragging the sheet closer to her and looking at her clothes drying across the room, the Doctor in between them. “S’just…” </p><p>“Nothing I haven’t already seen.” </p><p>The casualness of the statement made her flush red all over. She didn’t understand the rules of this game, at all. Angry, humiliated tears choked the back of her throat. </p><p>Nonetheless, she dropped the sheet and made to move out of bed.</p><p>Suddenly, Rose gasped. </p><p>The Doctor spun around to find Rose pulling herself up slowly to a stand.  </p><p>“Are you alright?” he asked. </p><p>Wide eyes scanned her body quickly for injury, landing on her lip, her eye, neck and breasts. </p><p>“Fine,” she said, feeling self-conscious. “I’m just a bit sore.”</p><p>“Sore where?” he replied, alarmed.</p><p>Rose gave him an embarrassed look. </p><p>“Oh,” he said dumbly.</p><p>His gaze fell to the upturned white sheets, specked with flecks of blood.</p><p>“I hurt you,” he said, guilt flooding his voice.</p><p>“Nah. S’ just been a while, that’s all,” she tried to smile.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s just something that happens sometimes.” </p><p>He inhaled. </p><p>“I forgot to ask,” Rose changed the topic. “Did you sort everything, last night?” </p><p>“Yes, that’s how I realised they’d…” he’d trailed off, anger crossing his face. “All sorted. They won’t be doing that again to anyone.”</p><p>“Good. That’s good.”</p><p>They finished dressing in silence and then she was watching the Doctor practically run down the stairs and out the front door. </p><p>Rose gave one final look to the bed and trailed after him, two steps behind, arms wrapped around herself. </p><p>Back home, in the console room, he was all manic smiled and pulled levers, offering to take her off on the next adventure. </p><p>“Doctor,” she’d said, quietly, hands in her back pockets, “I need to go to the chemist, remember? To sort out last night.”</p><p>“Oh,” he’d said, running a hand through his sideburn, “Of course.” </p><p>“And maybe I could get something more permanent, if you’d still like?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he answered, voice stiff, dropping her gaze. “If you like.”</p><p>“Alright, then,” she replied, a shy smile gracing her lips.  </p><p>A whir of the rotor and Rose was stepping out on to a busy London street alone, the light bright and blinding.</p><p>“Don’t go anywhere, yeah?” she called out to him through the door, voice shaking. </p><p>“Course,” he replied, thumbing the console. </p><p>Rose looked around her, gathering herself. He’d taken her to Oxford Street in what looked like her current time. Good, okay. </p><p>First thing first was to find a cash machine. Rose had her bank card in her back pocket, but she hadn’t had a job in… oh, who knew? One year? Two? </p><p>Her savings were slowly dwindling, and she didn’t look forward to the day when she’d have to ask the Doctor for money in her own time. Something about that seemed a little domestic for him, and besides, she didn’t want to have to rely on him to pay her way. </p><p>And yet she couldn’t exactly leave him for a bit to go back on a till. That was a problem for later, anyway- for now her bank flashed that she had a bit over two hundred pounds left. </p><p>There was a low-income clinic off an alleyway around here. She’d been there with Shireen, once, as a teenager- they’d not wanted to get caught going round their neighbourhood, where everyone was always watching.  </p><p>A few people stared at Rose as she walked down the street.<br/>
Catching her reflection in the shop window, Rose remembered why. </p><p>Right.  </p><p>But she wouldn’t be cowered by what strangers thought, not anymore. She was a different person, now. She’d got these bruises saving the world. </p><p>On the main, anyway. </p><p>After the clinic, she ducked into the Henricks. It wasn’t the one she’d used to work at, the one he’d blown up, but she’d known it well enough from filling in there, sometimes, and there were a nice, posh bathrooms on the third floor that were hardly used.</p><p>She could clean herself up, take the tablet, and be back to the Doctor quick smart. </p><p>On her way back out she walked past the expensive lingerie section and stopped. </p><p>It was beautiful. A white, lacy top and matching knickers, made of a fine material- French, maybe. Covering enough of her breasts and stomach, with a kind of corset synching in the waste. </p><p>The Doctor liked corsets, she thought. That one time, in her old body, he’d called her beautiful- she’d been in a corset, hadn’t she? And he seemed to like them well enough on other women, too. </p><p>Perhaps that was what the women dressed like, on his home planet. </p><p>It’d make sense, she thought. He was dead smart, and clearly educated. He’d talked about a posh boarding school- he was posh, then, for all he liked to play he wasn’t. Especially in his first body, with his accent and his jacket and his disdain of the rich. She’d thought he was more like her. Recent events had been a rude shock. </p><p>Anyway, it’d cover her scars up but still look pretty and expensive. She’d look expensive.  </p><p>Before she knew it, Rose was being sneered at by the cashier as she ran down her bank account to nearly zero and shoved her purchase her jacket. </p><p>Back out on the street it was a relief to see the blue box still there. She practically ran back inside.</p><p>He wasn’t in the console room, though. </p><p>Feeling like a ghost, she wandered back to her room, shoved the pills into her top draw and ripped the tags off the lingerie to toss them in the wash. </p><p>After a little while, she felt the TARDIS swing back into the vortex. </p><p>He must know she was back, then, Rose thought to herself. </p><p>But he was yet to make an appearance. </p><p>She spent the rest of the day on edge, showering, doing chores and reading in bed- Dickens, today. She’d been trying to get through all his books ever since she’d met and grown to deeply respect the man. They were difficult to understand, and long, but soon she inevitably found herself wrapped up in them. </p><p>After a little while, she came out to the galley to fix some food. Still, she didn’t see him. </p><p>Later that night- what felt like night, anyway, in the vortex- she put the lingerie on under her pink pyjamas just in case, and settled back into bed with Dickens. </p><p>A knock sounded on her door.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor stood staring at her closed door, the sound of his knock echoing down the hallway like a gavel. </p><p>Sans suit jacket and tie, he felt all of his age and a callow youth at once.</p><p>Should he have come to her less dressed? Or more? Was he assuming? </p><p>But then she’d said, hadn’t she, this morning, that they could continue at… it. This thing that he’d done to her, that he’d spent his day hiding and obsessing over.</p><p>The Doctor stood staring at her closed door, waiting for her to respond. Sans suit jacket and tie, he felt all of his age and a callow youth at once. </p><p>That morning he’d woken warm and sated and wrapped around her, pushing himself incessantly into her bottom. Grinding against his little pink and yellow human like an animal, one hand splayed possessively across her mound, holding her to him. Cue the inevitable panic attack.  While she was fast asleep, too, evidently, though a mess of blonde hair kept her expression from she seemed to be in slumber. </p><p>He rolled off her and on to his back, breathing heavily. </p><p>If the council saw. If there was a council, still, to see. </p><p>He glanced back at her. She appeared to be in slumber, still, curled on her side with hair a mess of blonde keeping any expression from him. </p><p>Just earlier that night, she’d lay unconscious and beaten and hypothermic on that very floor before him. </p><p>He’d responded to her condition by undressing her, staring at her… slipping into her bed, into her body.</p><p>Spilling foolish words into her ear, spilling himself inside her. </p><p>And the potential consequences of that were barely thinkable. Never mind what the council thought- what could he have done to her? How could he risk it? Risk her? </p><p>And that’d all been before he’d seen the blood on the sheets, seen the purple bruising had spread from her eye to creep over her neck and breasts like an infection.</p><p>Only he had put it there, and he was the infection. </p><p>He’d let his emotions take over in a way he’d sworn he never would. Let his pathetic need and desperation and loneliness take over his intellect. Used and abused her. Extracted meaningless promises from her lips. </p><p>Just because she didn’t know well enough to stop him, didn’t mean he shouldn’t have stopped himself. </p><p>In the walk- well, run, perhaps- back to the TARDIS, he started to calm down. There was nothing like a little dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin to soothe the nerves, get the synapses firing again.  </p><p>She’d looked beautiful in the green glow of the console room, bruised as she was. Standing uncertainly beneath him as he fiddled with the console and started rambling to her about their next adventure.</p><p>She’d looked beautiful beneath him too. And she’d seemed to want it, to enjoy it, as far as he could tell.</p><p>It was wrong. But he wanted her, nonetheless. </p><p>Nothing had to change, nobody had to know. </p><p>There was no council to get between them.</p><p>And there’d be no child, he thought, as she asked him to take her to the chemist. </p><p>So when she clumsily offered to get something more permanent, so he could continue their sordid little trysts, he’d found himself agreeing just as clumsily. </p><p>Run it through in his head all day.</p><p>And now here he was. </p><p>“Yeah?” she responded, muffled through her bedroom door.  </p><p>“Can I come in?” he asked.  </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>The Doctor swallowed. Rose was halfway under her covers, on her small double bed pressed against the sloping coral wall of her living quarters. She was dressed in soft pink pyjamas, and placing a book down on its spine. </p><p>He came to her, and placed himself awkwardly on her bed, two feet remaining on the floor, before reaching for the book.  </p><p>“What’s this latest one, then?” he asked, casually. </p><p>“S’Dickens. Bleak House.”</p><p>“And what do you think of it?” </p><p>“I dunno,” she shrugged, embarrassed. </p><p>“Yes, you do. Don’t stop talking to me, now.” </p><p>Anger crossed her face before disappearing, quick as a flash.</p><p>It didn’t take a genius to guess what she was thinking. </p><p>But she didn’t say it.  </p><p>“You’re in my bed,” she drawled instead, pouting. “Don’t really feel like talking.” </p><p>He swallowed heavily and felt his mouth drop open. </p><p>Rose shuffled over to him on two knees, and wrapped her arms around his right shoulder, pressing her breasts into him. Her gaze was heavy lidded and her lips hung there, centimetres from his, begging to be tasted. </p><p>He twisted slightly and closed the gap between them, planting a soft, uncertain kiss on them.</p><p>Rose sighed into his mouth, hands fisting into his shirt. </p><p>"Seductress," he moaned back to her. </p><p>Soon the Doctor was collapsing over her, and they became a tangle of limbs and lips. </p><p>“Hold on, mister,” Rose stopped him as he began to lift her shirt.  </p><p>The Doctor froze. Fear and embarrassment rushed through him, again. </p><p>She must have seen it on his face, because she rushed to explain with a little laugh. </p><p>“No, s’just- It takes a little while for the pill to start working, and s’embarrasing enough showing up in that clinic with bruises all over me once. I don’t think my bank balance can stand another emergency trip, either. That alright before you get us all worked up?”</p><p>“Of course,” he said, rolling off her. “Do you want me to go?” </p><p>“No! No, not unless you want to go?”</p><p>“No!” </p><p>“Good. Was thinking we could do other things, instead,” she said, leaning up to nibble at his ear.</p><p>“Oh,” he said, and again she seemed to sense his thoughts.</p><p>That was his Rose- all empathy.  </p><p>“Did your people…?”</p><p>“N-not as such. By my time, intercourse for my species was largely… ceremonial.”</p><p>“Ceremonial?” she teased, raising an eyebrow, “How can sex be ceremonial?”</p><p>“Ohhh,” he rubbed his ear where she’d been nibbling, “We could be a right stuffy bunch. Rules and ceremonies for everything.”  </p><p>“But didn’t you ever try…?”</p><p>“No! I told you, this wasn’t… And Time Ladies, they wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t, with… Don’t know what they would have done, if they caught me visiting your bed. Actually, I do. They would have forced a regeneration on me.”</p><p>“That’s horrible,” Rose replied, thinking back to all she’d witnessed that awful Christmas. The pain, the sickness, the confusion. “They’d really use regeneration like a punishment?”</p><p>“It was the right thing. It was meant to keep us in line. A species with that much power, allowed to roam the universe untempered? Non-interference, that was the policy.”</p><p>“Still horrible.”</p><p>“Happened to me once. A forced regeneration,” he offered nonchalantly. He didn't quite understand why, but the need to bare his soul to her, to have her commiserate on his pain, and wash it all away with her typical kindness... the need was rising in him again. </p><p>But Rose's thoughts had led her elsewhere. Just how many were there, she thought, before her? He made it seem like there weren’t too many, based on some of the things he’d said, and the way he’d reacted when they were in bed together last night. And yet she’d know of at least one while they were travelling together. Perhaps it was different- it’d make sense two species with different lifetimes would have different understandings of "many." Or perhaps the others had just laid back and let him please himself. </p><p>“For… sleeping with?” Rose forced out the question she needed answered.</p><p>“No! No, of course not!”</p><p>The Doctor blushed intently, shocked that she’d think that of him. Still, he had to remind himself, it wasn’t a capital offense for her species, in her time and culture. He needed to make her understand. </p><p>“It was for interfering… in an established event,” he tried to explain. “There were people, I could save… I thought it was the right thing to do. The council disagreed.” </p><p> “And they killed you," Rose filled in the gap. "It was awful, watching that happen, seeing you…so unwell, in so much pain. That your own people would do that to you... My poor Doctor."</p><p>She reached up to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. </p><p>The touch, in that place, electrified him. </p><p>“Well. Suppose there’s an advantage of being the last- there’s no one to stop me interfering with you,” he said, punctuating his words by tickling her over her shirt as he leaned in to suck her neck, like she’d requested the night before. </p><p>Rose squealed. </p><p>“I’m a quick learner though, aren’t I?” he grinned filthily at her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They fell back onto the pillows together, side by side, giggling like children. </p><p>Rose shot him a wide, honest smile, her eyes glowing. </p><p>The Doctor couldn’t help but return it, grinning back at her giddily, his brown eyes crinkling. </p><p>“You’re so…” he said softly.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“Just you.” </p><p>Rose’s smile softened, a hint of uncertainty meeting her eyes.</p><p>But the Doctor continued to sweep his gaze across her face.</p><p>“Are you still feeling okay?” he asked, looking at her still bruised eye and split lip. “I should have checked on you, earlier.” </p><p>I shouldn’t have freaked out and left you to deal with this, all alone, he thought. </p><p>“I’m okay,” Rose smiled beatifically, like a goddess bestowing her magnificence. </p><p>The Doctor leaned in, and rubbed his temple against hers. </p><p>Back and forth, back and forth. </p><p>“My poor, brave Rose,” he murmured. </p><p>Unable to resist, she titled her chin up to graze his lips. </p><p>The Doctor deepened the kiss, opening her mouth and tangling their tongues together. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Cocooned together in the low sloping coral of her bed, Rose felt safe and warm and so, so alive. </p><p>“May I?” he asked, trailing down a hand to rest just above her chest.  </p><p>She nodded.</p><p>Gently, he palmed her over the pink silk of her pyjama top. Heavy lidded, he stared as he manipulated her breast back and forth, her had nipple pressing through the cloth. </p><p>Soon, they were both panting heavily. </p><p>“These are… blimey, but you have a magnificent chest.”</p><p>“Thought I might’ve caught you looking, once or twice. But then I told me I was kidding myself. Was I right after all?” </p><p>He blushed. “You might have been. You’ve been a mighty temptation to resist, for this old Time Lord.”</p><p>Unable to wait much longer, Rose brought her hands to the clasp of his pinstriped trousers, fumbling to undo him. He groaned as she brushed over his erection, before replacing his hands to hasten the task. </p><p>“So ‘ave you, you know. Thought I might go mad with wanting you, sometimes.”</p><p>Hastily he pulled down the zip and pushed his trousers down slim hips. Then he was making quick work of her small, pink pyjama shorts.  </p><p>“Oh, fuck,” he moaned lowly, falling back on top of her and pressing them together.</p><p>“Doctor!” she cried, hips thrusting into his as he hit her just right through her panties.</p><p>“Oh, Rose. You feel so warm,” he moaned, cupping her cheek. “I remember how it felt, being inside you.”</p><p>“Y-yeah?” she stuttered as he thumbed her bottom lip. </p><p>“Did you enjoy it, too?” he whispered a little uncertainly, looking down at her, hair wild. </p><p>She leaned in to kiss the centre of his palm. “Yes… very much.”</p><p>“Will you, will you…”</p><p>“What?” she whispered. </p><p>“Will you let me back inside you, soon, sweetheart?” he practically whimpered, staring into her eyes and pressing himself against her again.  </p><p>“Course,” she said, reaching up to cup his cheek in return. “Course I wanna be with you. Always do.” </p><p>He sighed. This was perfection. She was perfection. This feeling, thinking, living creature, who seemed to share an ounce of the passion he felt for her. </p><p>“I need to feel more of you,” he said hands moving to the button of her silky pink pyjama top. “Can we take this off?”</p><p>“Please,” she smiled. </p><p>Gently he slid each button down until he revealed her lacey white lingerie.</p><p>“What’s all this?” he asked softly as he threaded the pyjama top down her arms.  </p><p>“Thought you might like it.” </p><p>“Well, I’m honoured,” he said, moving his hands around her back to remove it also. But she stopped them. </p><p>“Doctor…”</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Don’t you like it?”</p><p>“I- yes. Very pretty.” </p><p>“I thought you’d keep it on.”</p><p>“What? Why?” </p><p>She shrugged.</p><p>“Tell me.” </p><p>“S’just… Mickey liked it if I…”</p><p>The Doctor’s eyes went cold. </p><p>“Your stupid boyfriend liked it so you thought I would too? You wore this with him?” he demanded.</p><p>“No! I bought it for you, today. I thought you’d like it ‘cause it was… posh, like you, and-” </p><p>“No? I thought he liked it,” he continued cruelly, “Which one is it, hmm?” </p><p>She shook her head, twisting away from his gaze. </p><p>“Tell the truth.”</p><p>“I am!” </p><p>“Rose,” he growled, a note of warning in his voice. </p><p>“He didn’t like to look at me, okay! The scars- he told me to keep a shirt on, not this, not this.”</p><p>The Doctor flopped onto his back beside her, hand rubbing his temple.</p><p>“Sorry. Sorry. Forgive me. I- my species- we can be, a bit territorial, when it comes to our mates.”</p><p>“Ceremonial and territorial,” she sighed. “Am I your mate, then?”</p><p>Another blush spread across his cheeks. </p><p>“What does that mean, for your people?” she asked quietly, running her hand up his arm and squeezing. </p><p>Still he wouldn’t meet her gaze.</p><p>“S’okay, you know. Told you I was yours,” she said, “Let me show you how much.”  </p><p>And with that she slowly began crawly down his prostrate body, stopping at his tented boxers. </p><p>She admired him for a while before glancing back up through her lashes. </p><p>He was watching her, now, slack jawed and transfixed. His lightly muscled chest was heaving. </p><p>Rose placed to hands, open palmed, on his stomach and watched him flinch. Then she ran them up, up to place them over his twin hearts.</p><p>“They’re beating so fast,” she said.</p><p>“Guh,” he replied. </p><p>“Is that for me?” </p><p>“Um,” </p><p>Rose glanced back down at the protrusion between his legs.</p><p>“Is this for me, too?” </p><p>“Ah…” </p><p>“I think that’s a yes?” </p><p>And then she was pressing a kiss to his erection through the silky material. </p><p>“Oh, Rose!” he cried, hips thrusting up, knuckles clenched. </p><p>And then she was kneeling on the floor and dragging his legs to hand off the side of her bed,  sliding his boxers down slender hips. Watching his dick bounce towards her face.</p><p>“Hello, Doctor,” she smiled cheekily. </p><p>“Hello,” he faltered back, voice a few pitches higher than usual.</p><p>Rose gave him another wide, toothy smile, a glint in her eyes, before engulfing him in her warm, wet mouth. </p><p>“Blimey!” the Doctor exclaimed. </p><p>“That is… that is… just…” he stuttered, while she sucked on him.</p><p>“Not bad, for a new experience?”</p><p>“Not bad,” he panted, “Not bad… at all.”</p><p>Rose kept up a steady rhythm. He watched her bob up and down, black lashes lowered, and cheeks pinkening from exertion. Lips stung and stretched around his hard cock, blonde hair mussed and trailing over the top of his thighs and tickling his abdomen. Breasts spilling over white lace, waist cinched in some kind of… corset. Bottom sticking in the air, barely covered by a matching scrap of string trailing between two cheeks. </p><p>He could reach up, put his hand across her temple, come inside…</p><p>He gripped the bedsheet below him harder. </p><p>“You can touch me, you know,” Rose said, spying the movement.  </p><p>“Oh,” he gasped, hand shooting up to grip her shoulder to prevent him from taking what he really wanted. What he couldn’t take, should never have.  </p><p>He stared at her hard nipples through the lace. He understood why she wanted to keep it on. His heart broke for the reason, actually. But how could he explain what bare skin meant to a touch telepath? Skin, bare skin- that was intimacy. </p><p>“I’m sorry, your… and I understand, I do, why you wanted to…” he begun clumsily. “But next time, I want to see you. All of you. Your beautiful skin, bared to me.”</p><p>Rose stopped, giving him a serious, appraising look. </p><p>“For my people, touching skin, bare skin, any skin… that was… part of this. Do you, do you- understand?”</p><p>“Is that why you wear so many layers, Doctor?” </p><p>“Yes,” he admitted.</p><p>“So all those times you held my hand…?” </p><p> “Oh yes, Rose Tyler,” he rattled, “Very indiscrete of me. Would have been a dead give away, to anyone from back home.”</p><p>“Naughty, Doctor.” </p><p>She resumed working him up and down, trying to feel him deeper down her throat with each pass.</p><p>“Oh,” she soon had him babbling. “You’re so soft, and lovely… You have this flush, going across these pretty pale cheeks.”</p><p>“Mmm,” she moaned around him. </p><p>“Oh Rose, my Rose. My Rose.” </p><p>When he could feel himself getting closer, he couldn’t help but reach his fingers up to her temple. Brushing across them, pretending, but not pressing in. Never pressing in. </p><p>He came with a shout, spilling his seed down her throat. </p><p>When he opened his eyes again, she was wiping her lips with the back of her hand.</p><p>“Was that rude?” he panted, recovering, “Coming…in your mouth?” </p><p>Rose laughed, licking her lips. “A little. But I liked it.” </p><p>He barked out a sharp laugh back and stroked his hand from her cheek to her template again. The look he shot her was practically sloppy. </p><p>“Did you like it, too?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes. That was brilliant. Come here,” he said, grabbing her hands and pulling her up to rest on his chest. </p><p>“We can do it anytime you want, then,” she purred to him. </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he groaned, “How did I find you, precious girl?”</p><p>“Saved my life, you did. Proper hero stuff.”  </p><p>“And you saved mine. You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, clashing his tongue carnally with hers, tasting himself inside her. “Those lips of yours…” </p><p>Rose ground against his leg. She felt hot and moist against him.</p><p>He ran a finger through her, awed. </p><p>“You’re so wet down here. You did enjoy it, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Having you in my mouth? God, yes.” </p><p> “Hah huh,” he chuckled, “Now… if I do know my human ethnography, and I really do, Rose- placed first in my year, was a bit of a special interest, you know- twenty-first century humans did have a female equivalent of what we just did.”</p><p>“You don’t have to, Doctor. If it’s not what your people did…I mean, if you wouldn’t enjoy it…”</p><p>He pushed her onto her back and started kissing her cheeks and forehead madly.  </p><p>“Ohhh, but I want to. I want to be good for you. Make this so good for you, sweetheart.”</p><p>“God,” she replied, as he made his way down her body.</p><p>When he reached down between her legs, he inhaled deeply.  </p><p>“You smell so good down here, Rose. And… superior senses, remember? I can still smell me on you. I can smell where I made you mine.”</p><p>“Doctor…”</p><p>“Reckon I’d like to taste where I made you mine, too. Would you like that?”</p><p>“Yes! Please Doctor, please.”</p><p>“Be a good girl and open your legs for me, then.”</p><p>Rose did so slowly, shaking.</p><p>“Didn’t get a chance to give you a proper look, last night. Show yourself to me,” he commanded.</p><p>The Doctor sat back on his haunches and sighed as she spread herself open with her hands. Rose bit her lip nervously. </p><p>“Oh, you’re so pretty down here, Rose. All these lovely, if you’ll excuse the comparison, lovely pink petals. Look at you, you gorgeous thing.”</p><p>He poked a single finger shallowly inside her entrance.</p><p>“And here, where I made you mine. You feel so good inside, you know, Rose. Warm and soft and tight. I remember. Do you remember, Rose?”</p><p>“Yeah,”</p><p>“I can’t wait to come back in.  Promise you’ll really let me back inside you soon, sweetheart?” he said, running shallow circles around her. </p><p>“Promise,” she cried. “Please.”</p><p>“Thank you,” he sighed, placing a quick kiss on her stomach. “But for now…”</p><p>The Doctor placed his mouth on her, moaning when her taste hit his receptors. </p><p>“Mmm, I was right. You taste like you, and like me. It’s such a turn on, Rose.”</p><p>“Doctor,” she drawled, insensate as he built her up towards a shattering climax. “Doctor, Doctor. Please, please. Oh, god. Oh!” </p><p>“I can’t believe… that was amazing,” she panted, afterwards, laying back with him on her pillows, wrapped in his arms.</p><p>“Wasn’t it just?” he waggled his eyebrows at her. </p><p>She laughed, leaning in to place a kiss on his chin. </p><p>“We’re quite the team.”</p><p>“In here as well as out there.”</p><p>“Saving the world.” </p><p>“You and me, Rose Tyler.”</p><p>“Where you gonna take me, tomorrow?” she asked drowsily, falling asleep to him rattling off a list of alien worlds and new adventures he was just waiting to take her on.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Part Three: Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And so it went on. </p><p>At night, he’d worship her with his hands, with his mouth, and let her do the same.</p><p>Come morning he’d hardly mention it.</p><p>Her bruises slowly faded.</p><p>One night, he didn’t visit her bed. Instead she heard the TARDIS leave the vortex. </p><p>Rose stumbled into her clothes and out into the console room, but the Doctor wasn’t there. </p><p>She made a decision. </p><p>Squaring her jaw and cautiously opening the door. It looked like a typical family home, in what very well could be London. </p><p>London in perhaps the 60s or 70s, Rose thought to herself, glancing at the garish flowery wall paper and old fashioned television. </p><p>It was very quiet. To her left was a front door and an open window, looking out onto a dimly lit street. To her right was a closed door leading into the house.</p><p>The Doctor wouldn’t have landed in someone’s home just to exit out again onto the street. He had to be further in the house. </p><p>A little dazed, she walked through the door into an empty dining room, and then into the kitchen again. </p><p>And there the Doctor was, standing over a dead woman’s body and a very alive young, blonde-haired boy. </p><p>She gasped. </p><p>“Get back inside,” he growled at her, head snapping, anger clouding his face.</p><p>Rose turned and ran.</p><p>Later that night, she found herself roused from her sleep by a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>She looked up at him to find him standing over her this time, fully dressed and eyes haunted. Was this what that woman had seen before she died? Was this what he looked like to that little boy?</p><p>“Rose,” he said.</p><p>“Doctor?” </p><p>He just shook his head, shucking off his chucks and climbing into bed with her, still wearing his long brown coat and suit as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. </p><p>“What happened, Doctor?” she tried again as he clung to her. </p><p>“There was this… escaped alien. An Elemental Shade. It’s like a living shadow. Living and angry And I couldn’t save her, the woman,” he forced out, voice choked. </p><p>“You tried to,” she replied, reaching up to squeeze his hand where it was clasped across her sternum. “I know you tried to. And I know you saved the boy.” </p><p>“She’ll never see him grow up. He’ll barely remember her. He’ll barely remember his own mother.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Rose said. She knew what it was like to grow up without a parent, never even knowing them- until she met the Doctor and he changed that. </p><p>“It was the middle of the night. I had to wait with him till Social Services arrived.” </p><p>And she’d wondered, ever since that cold, rainy night in the cabin, whether he knew what it was like to grow up without a parent, too. He’d just as admitted his mother was human. </p><p>And humans withered and died, didn’t they? The way he said that, all that time ago, it was as if he’d experienced it directly. Perhaps his mother was who he’d meant all along, rather than some former lover, or herself, as she’d sometimes hoped and sometimes chided herself as a fool for hoping.</p><p>“Did you, did you,” she gathered her courage, “Did you lose your mother too, when you were a child?”</p><p>The Doctor tensed, breath catching. </p><p>“Sorry, I just... It’s cause I thought you sounded, and I thought you maybe said your mother was… and we… and I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry,” Rose stuttered, afraid.</p><p>“No. It’s okay. You told me about…” he trailed off.</p><p>It was as good as an admission from the Doctor as she’d probably ever get. </p><p>“I’m… I’m so sorry, Doctor” Rose said, turning around in his arms to cup his face in her hands. </p><p>They stared deeply into each other’s eyes. His gaze was sad, and warm, and a current of understanding shot through them like lightening. </p><p>Mouth dropping open, he closed the distance between their lips in a wet, needy kiss. </p><p>Then he was climbing on top of her and pushing her down in the bed.</p><p>“May I?” he asked, lifting the hem of her nightdress. </p><p>She nodded softly. </p><p>He pulled down her underwear to tangle around her ankles and then leaned back on his haunches, staring between her legs as he quickly fumbled with his zipper.</p><p>Then he lay back on top of her, bracing himself on his forearms and slipping inside her with a hiss. </p><p>Rose watched his strained face as he rode her, jaw clenched and eyes screwed up to the point almost of pain.</p><p>Before long he was coming inside her, too soon, his body collapsing and head falling to rest on her breasts.</p><p>“Sorry,” he panted, after a bit. </p><p>“It’s okay,” she said, rubbing his back.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, beginning to cry. </p><p>“S’okay. You’re okay.” she murmured, holding him in her embrace, rocking him softly back and forth. </p><p>Words on the tip of her tongue wanted to come out. She settled on a compromise.</p><p>“S’okay, love.” </p><p>He whimpered into her chest. </p><p>She must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next morning he was gone. </p><p>In the galley he was all charm and smiles, as if the night before had never happened. Rose watched as he jabbered on to her about nonsense, teaspoon tinkling against china has he messily stirred six packets of sugar into a cup of milky black tea.</p><p>She wished he’d say something real, anything real, in the light of day. But she reminded herself that she knew what she was getting into, and she loved him, so so much, and it was worth it. </p><p>Still, it had felt good, being there for him, last night. Perhaps she shouldn’t have let him use her. But she couldn’t help but take as much as she could get from him. </p><p>There wouldn’t ever be anyone else for her, not after him.</p><p>How could there be?</p><p>And when he was in her bed, inside her, she could pretend that he actually loved her. And that was better than the alternative. </p><p>There was something she needed to raise with him, though. Well, a few things. She’d let him fuck her bare, again, last night. And that was a bit of a worry. She’d have thought for an intelligent man who so badly didn’t want kids, he’d be a wee bit more responsible. </p><p>But perhaps that was a result of the distress he'd obviously felt over that woman's death last night. Or perhaps, it was a result of him coming from a society that didn’t seem to do this, very often. Or him thinking she’d just take care of it. Or maybe he just knew how easy it’d be to get rid of her, if the worst happened. After all, it would be pretty difficult to track down a time travelling alien for child support. </p><p>Still, that wasn’t the biggest worry on her mind this morning.</p><p>“Doctor,” she said, directly, “I need to talk to you about last night.”</p><p>He froze like a deer in the headlights, all freckles and wide brown eyes.</p><p>“When you… when I woke up and… I felt the TARDIS leaving the vortex and you were gone.” </p><p>The Doctor practically sagged in relief, she noted. God, was it really so awful to acknowledge that they were sleeping together?</p><p>Rose continued on.</p><p>“You went without me, to go after that… Element Shadow.”</p><p>“Elemental Shade,” he corrected automatically.</p><p>“Whatever. Why didn’t you take me with you?”</p><p>“Rose… it happened so quickly. I got the alert on the monitor, and I didn’t have time to wake you up.”</p><p>“It’s a Time Machine, Doctor.”</p><p>“That’s not how it works,” he scowled, “I was already too late to save her- didn’t you see that well enough?” </p><p>Rose flinched. It appeared his initial relief that she wasn't talking about what they got up to in her bed during the night was fast fading. </p><p>But she wasn't going to back done, not from this. </p><p>“We’re supposed to be a team, you and me.” </p><p>“Not this time.” </p><p>Rose wanted to smack the arrogant look he gave her off his face. </p><p>“That’s not okay by me, Doctor.”</p><p>“It could have been you!” he exploded. </p><p>Rose breathed deeply, trying to stay even heeled.  </p><p>“Okay, it could have been me-“ </p><p>“I won’t hear you be so cavalier about your life, Rose.”</p><p>“-Or we could have saved that woman together. Or, it could have been you, all alone, by yourself- and I’d never even had known why you’d died, Doctor.” </p><p>“The emergency program would have taken you home.”</p><p>“That’s not what I’m worried about!” she replied, finally losing her temper. “God, Doctor, how can you… how can you not understand… that I don't want you to die alone?” </p><p>“I won’t apologise for trying to protect you, Rose. You don’t even know what you are talking about. Those creatures, they kill by entering your mind and shutting down your central nervous system. Deadly to non-telepathic species like humans, completely harmless to species with robust telepathic defences like mine. That’s how we locked them in the Howling Halls in the first place,” he explained at a hundred-miles an hour, continuing to work himself up and up until he was practically spitting at her. </p><p>“Doctor…” </p><p>“And that’s how they escaped, Rose! Because they’re all dead, except for me! And I’m the only one left to take care of the universe, and I’m failing!” </p><p>Rose stopped him by wrapping her arms around him in a hug. </p><p>His fell to her waist, squeezing her tightly back.</p><p>“You aren’t responsible for the universe, Doctor. You aren’t a god. We’re sentient creatures, too, and we have just as much right to be responsible for ourselves as you do. And so do I. Do you get me?” </p><p>He sucked in a breath. “I couldn’t stand to lose you, Rose.” </p><p>“And I couldn’t stand to lose you, either. But this is the life I chose, yeah? Helping people who I can, with you.” </p><p>“Oh Rose,” he said, leaning down to kiss her desperately. </p><p>It was the first time he’d kissed her in the light of day, and Rose felt her heart soar. </p><p>Responding to him, she tried to pour back all the love she felt for the magnificent man who took so much weight onto his shoulders.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several weeks after the night he had fallen apart in her arms, for the second time, and then kissed her in the light of day, for the first time, he found himself yelling at her over a not-blue bucket.</p><p>“Doctor, Doctor look out!” Rose shouted. </p><p>She looked beautiful, he thought to himself, distractedly. Golden hair falling in waves to her shoulders. Blackened brow and eyes. Fierce and wild and a little desperate, running on her feet, blood running as high as his, defending him like a mother wolf. </p><p>She was magnificent. </p><p>But this was no time for him to be thinking those thoughts.</p><p>“You wait here. I’ll lure it out with this,” the Doctor instructed her. “When I’ve got it distracted, you run towards me and throw the not-blue bucket on it. Then, presto chango, world saved for another day! Got it?”</p><p>“Got it,” she panted. “Be-be careful.”</p><p>He gave her a cheeky wink before dashing off. </p><p>A silly human had wandered into the path of danger, as they were wont to do. </p><p>He told the man to run, but kept his focus on distracting the alien long enough for Rose to run up behind it with the formula and save the day. </p><p>But hold on- was that the blue bucket?</p><p>“Wrong one, you made it worse!” he heard himself shout. </p><p>“You said blue!”</p><p>“I said not blue!”</p><p>Then he was watching the great, snarling creature turn and run after Rose again, and shouting at her to hold on. </p><p>Finally he got it chasing after him again, and Rose had gotten a hold of the right bucket, and given it a mighty hurl towards the creature. </p><p>But come to think of it, now that he could think of it- there was something about the human’s face. </p><p>The Doctor ran back out to give the human a sharper look over.  </p><p>Male, blonde, average height and weight, about forty. Not too pretty that he’d have to worry about Rose wandering off with him- that shouldn’t bet it, no. It was something else, there was something else about him. Something familiar. </p><p>“Don’t I know you?”</p><p>But the silly human just ran away again before he could work it out. </p><p>Perhaps he didn’t know the man after all. Perhaps this strange feeling that he felt was just mate guarding. Rose was right there, and his blood was up. </p><p>Speaking of whom, he’d better go check on her.</p><p>There she was, back braced against the wall, two hands on her knees. Panting and staring at the dissolved goo that was formerly a homicidal alien bent on devouring the human race. </p><p>“We gave it a chance, Rose,” he said. </p><p>Rose promptly launched herself to the ground, violently throwing up in the decidedly red bucket in front of her. </p><p>The Doctor curled up his nose. </p><p>“Jeez, Rose. You’re not usually such a lightweight.” </p><p>She glared up at him, wiping her mouth. </p><p>“He’s a literal pile of goo.” </p><p>“All the same. How many times have you been slimed before? Come on then, time to get you back to the TARDIS and cleaned up, my dirty girl.” </p><p>Shooting her a big smile as they walked through the gravel, he reached out to take her hand. But she pulled it away and curled into herself chest, gaze firmly focused on the ground. </p><p>“Rose?” </p><p>She wasn’t answering him. Wasn’t looking at him, either.  </p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, hearing the high, lost note in his voice and hating himself for the weakness.</p><p>Rose shook her head. </p><p>“Just… leave it,” she ground out as if she was exacerbated with him. </p><p>What had happened?</p><p>Unlocking the door to the TARDIS, he stepped back in a gentlemanly fashion to let Rose enter first and watched her dash down the hallway without another word.</p><p>Away from him. </p><p>A little morose, he swung the TARDIS into the vortex. He was sure he’d done something, but what was it? He was not good at this… whatever this was. Frankly, she deserved better. </p><p>Perhaps she was realising it. </p><p>Oh, but he’d been a little harsh, hadn’t he, yelling at her over mistaking not-blue for blue. And come to think of it, what kind of instruction was not-blue, anyway? </p><p>A pretty stupid one, that’s what.</p><p>And then she’d been sick and he’d teased her for it. </p><p>But this was good- he could make amends for this, and everything would be better! </p><p>The Doctor dashed towards her room at a gallop, bounding inside and then into her ensuite again where he could hear the hot water running.</p><p>“Doctor!” she yelped, covering her chest with her hand.</p><p>“Oi, there’s no need to do that!” he cried, a little perturbed that she was hiding two of his favourite things from him. “It’s not like I haven’t seen them already.”</p><p>He waggled his eyebrows and gave her a big grin in that manner she usually liked.</p><p>But she just winced and shrank further back against the tiles. </p><p>“Oh,” he said, stopping to take in her red rimmed eyes. “But you’ve been crying.” </p><p>“Doctor,” she said slowly, “I don’t interrupt you in the shower, do I?”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“Because showers are private, and I respect your privacy, yeah?”</p><p>“Oh. But, Rose… I’ve come to apologise.” </p><p>Rose sighed. </p><p>“Alright, then. Hand me a towel at least.” </p><p>He did as he was bid, watching her turn off the shower and wrap the towel around her before leading her back into her bedroom. </p><p>“Go on, then,” she said, sitting down on the mattress. </p><p>“I realised. You were upset before, and then in the shower you cried because… Because I was rude, really, shouting at you for mishearing not blue as blue and actually, I was stupid in the first place, wasn’t I, not just saying red? And then when you were sick, I should have held your hair back for you and I’m sorry.”</p><p>She gave him a wane smile and held out her hand towards him, wiggling her fingers. </p><p>“I forgive you.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but give her a big, toothy smile which she mirrored back at him as he took her hand.</p><p>“And you aren’t stupid. Although not blue really is a terrible instruction.”</p><p>“Yes. Well, point taken.”</p><p>Later, they lay together in the afterglow, a sheen of sweat covering them. </p><p>“You were brilliant, today,” he said as he rubbed her stomach. </p><p>“So were you. We’re a good team, don’t you think?” </p><p>“Mmm,” he murmured.</p><p>“And like this, too,” she added. “It’s good. We’re good, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Why’d you ask me, if I really thought you looked beautiful, that first night?” he’d said to her. </p><p>It had been on his mind a while, and tonight the Doctor found the words spilling out of his mouth finally. </p><p>Rose felt loose and truthful too. </p><p>Like she wanted to share with him. That was one of the best things, really, about being in bed with him- sometimes he’d share things about himself, his past, with her. And she actually could do the same. Wanted to do the same, even.  </p><p>“S’something he said, a lot. About me needing to lose weight.”</p><p>“And your scars?”</p><p>Rose breathed in. </p><p>“Jimmy was in this band. S’one of the reasons I liked him, actually- he was creative, he was going somewhere, he was gonna take me off the estate. Well, anyway, his band mates, they were always round the flat. And he’d get mad jealous. And one time, when he was in a really bad mood, he caught me talking to one of them, standing a little too close. I wasn’t cheating, I wouldn’t, he was just… nice.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>Rose looked him in the eye.</p><p>“He said he’d make it so no man would ever want me again.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, cupping her cheek, sorrow pouring out of his eyes.</p><p>“S’alright. Doesn’t matter now.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” he murmured.</p><p>There were times with him, like this, where he made her feel so loved, so important. </p><p>And other times, usually during the light of day, where she felt just the opposite. </p><p>When he was yelling at her over not blue and laughing when she threw up. </p><p>When she went back to street corners and fifty first century spaceships and questioned just exactly what she was to him. </p><p>“Sweetheart,” he murmured, kissing her temple, “My sweet Rose.”</p><p>“Anyway, that’s why, I didn’t finish School, I guess,” she said to him, wanting to explain it, finally. “I met him, when I was… very young. Soon I was moving in with him, and it didn’t seem like there was much point continuing on with it.” </p><p>“And I’m sure he didn’t encourage you to stay, either.”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘spose. Did… were there relationships like that, back home?” she asked. </p><p>“No- I don’t know. It’s not something people ever would have talked about. Relationships themselves, we didn’t really… But people could still be… cruel to each other. Mostly in other ways, I guess.”</p><p>“Figured you’d be too evolved for that.” </p><p>“People never out evolve cruelty, Rose.”</p><p>“You’d never.”</p><p>Oh, Rose, he thought to himself. How he loved and hated that she thought that about him.</p><p>When in reality he’d murdered everyone he’d ever known, ever loved. </p><p>And everyone else, too.</p><p>“No. I’d do much worse,” he muttered flatly.</p><p>“Don’t. Don’t say that. I know you wouldn’t.” </p><p>“Wouldn’t I?”</p><p>“Please don’t.”  </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, realising he was frightening her. “I didn’t mean to…”</p><p>But he couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t mean to scare her. Make her think he’d hurt her. He wouldn’t- not on purpose, anyway. </p><p>Just by accident. Or to save someone.</p><p>Was there a magical number, he thought to himself, at which point he’d choose their lives over hers? Not one, not a few. </p><p>A country? A world? </p><p>And what if he couldn’t, any more?</p><p>And what if he could?</p><p>Then another thought crossed his mind. </p><p>“You’ve been dressing different, lately. Your clothing’s tighter.”</p><p>“That okay?”</p><p>“Course it is. I was just wondering why?”</p><p>She shrugged. “I feel… different, lately. Better, I guess.”</p><p>“Yeah?” he smiled.</p><p>“Yeah. This life, being with you… it’s made me more… I dunno,” she shrugged with a grin. </p><p>He grinned back, thinking perhaps he could do some good for her after all. Perhaps he wasn’t destined to bring down death and destruction on everyone he ever cared for. </p><p>Perhaps she’d be better, after, on the other side, of this thing between them. When she’d left him. </p><p>“I’m going to take you somewhere nice, tomorrow evening,” he said, shaking off dark thoughts. “Somewhere you can get dressed up in something really sexy.” </p><p>“Really?” she smiled. </p><p>“Really. And with dancing.” </p><p>Rose squealed, turning around in his arms to tackle him. “Doctor! I’d love that.”</p><p>He grinned back at her. </p><p>“You deserve the universe. Don’t you forget that.” </p><p>“Good thing I’ve met the only man who can give it to me, then.”</p><p>“Haven’t you just?” he waggled his eyebrows.</p><p>“Anything else you’d like to give me?” she reached down between them.</p><p>“Oh, now that, Rose Tyler, was very cheeky,” he smiled, as she kissed his chin.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Part Four: His Lady</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well?” he said the next evening, leaning around her bedroom door corner in a black tuxedo. “Aren’t you gonna get kitted up?”</p><p>She beamed up at him. </p><p>“You look amazing,” she smiled shyly. </p><p>“What, this old thing?” he shrugged breezily, a little half smile escaping his lips.</p><p>“What should I wear?” she asked, leaping up. “Just how sexy is sexy, hmm?”</p><p>“Wear whatever you’d like.”</p><p>“But I don’t know where we’re going!”</p><p>“It’s a surprise!” </p><p>“Just don’t want you telling me I’d be better off in a bin bag, again,” she mumbled, dropping her gaze to their feet. </p><p>“You remember me saying that?” he asked, grabbing her by the hand to lead her to the wardrobe room. </p><p>Rose swung their hands together as they walked.</p><p>“Kinda hard to forget when the guy you fancy thinks you look rubbish.” </p><p>She peered up at him through her eyelashes, hands still swinging between them. </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he said, barrelling through the doors, “But I was still trying to keep myself off you, then, wasn’t I?”</p><p>“So you didn’t mean it?”</p><p>Up and up the curved stairs he led her, through aisle after aisle of clothing from different periods and places. </p><p>“Of course you didn’t look rubbish! Just… not particularly era appropriate, but what does that matter to me? Did you really think I didn’t fancy you running around Scotland in that tiny little dress, hmm?” he cajoled, leaning across to pinch her bum.</p><p>“Doctor! Really?” she giggled.</p><p>“Really really. Couldn’t keep my hands to myself, could I? Reckon that was a good part of the reason we scandalised Queen Vicky, me being your guardian and all.”</p><p>“Can’t seem to now, either,” she smirked back at him. </p><p>His gaze turned smouldering, and before she knew it he had her backed up against a coral strut. </p><p>“You like it.” </p><p>“Maybe,” she shrugged coyly, staring up into his chocolatey eyes. </p><p>He pounced on her, hands groping and pinching everywhere while his lips plundered hers. </p><p>Before long, he was taking a step back, chest heaving. </p><p>“Any of the dresses from these coordinates should do nicely.”</p><p>“You don’t want to… stay and help me get dressed?”</p><p>He shook his head.  </p><p>“I’ll meet you in the console room in an hour.”</p><p>“Kay.”</p><p>Rose gazed at the row of beautiful gowns his broad frame had been blocking. They were all beautiful, like something out of a period film on the telly. </p><p>Suddenly she felt the need to choose carefully. To show him she could dress nicely. She wasn’t just his timorous beastie, some girl he’d picked off an estate. She could be someone he’d not be ashamed to take somewhere posh. Someone who could be worth something to him.  </p><p>He wouldn’t regret taking her out in public like this, she’d make sure of it. </p><p>“Blimey,” he smiled as she returned to the console room, “Look at you.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>She had chosen a white linen dress, cinched in at the waist in a corset embroidered in golden thread with suns and stars. The dress had come with a wire cage that she’d placed under the long skirt which made the material flare out from her hips. Translucent white gauze framed the low square neckline, which exposed quite a bit more cleavage than she was used to- cleavage that was pushed up and out by the corset. Her golden hair fell to her shoulders in soft curls, and she’d smoked her eyes up a bit more than usual.<br/>
“Yeah. Gorgeous,” he said, offering her the crook of his arm as they exited into the cold night, “Would’ve caused a bit of a scandal, showing that much skin on Gallifrey, mind, but I can’t say I don’t like it.”</p><p>“Where’s that?” she asked, looking up into the deep night sky above them. “Can we go there, next?” </p><p>“What? Oh. I’ve never told you… that was the name of my planet.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know,” she said, heart pouring out to him in her voice and eyes.</p><p>But the Doctor just brushed off the unwanted emotion. </p><p>“Course you didn’t. How could you?”</p><p>“Is this dress too… should I get changed, then?” </p><p>“Nah. Said for Gallifrey, it would be, not for tonight.”</p><p>“Galli…”</p><p>“Gallifrey.”</p><p>“Gallifrey.” </p><p>“Sounds nice, on your lips,” he smiled softly, genuine emotion flashing across his face for the first time since he’d accidently mentioned his home planet. </p><p>“We can talk about it, anytime you want,” Rose offered. “Or not. You know, whatever.”</p><p>“Perhaps another time. But for now, let me tell you about something much more exciting- where we are now!” he said, leaping headlong into a ramble, shuttering off again. </p><p>“So- the people of this planetary system, Pyxis, it’s called, they were descended from the human race, ooh… a long, long, long time in your future. They get out here, colonise the twelve planets, lose contact back with the empire. All the planets are affiliated with each other, and they have this complicated system of nobility- but no one can get along. They start fighting, back and forth, on and off. And then along comes this ruler, this Queen. Oh, she’s brilliant, she is, and a couple of decades from now she brings them all together.”</p><p>“Go on,” Rose smiled, drawn into the story. </p><p>“She’s just the Princess now, but this is the start of it all- her royal debut. She’s formally introduced to her public, charms them all. Splashed across the interplanetary tabloids the next day. She’s properly pretty, beautiful, really, and charming- and that’s all they notice tonight- but she’s also highly educated, and wise, and good and when she becomes Queen, well! Golden age of the Pyxisian System.”</p><p>“Blimey,” Rose said, a little jealous of his obvious awe for a woman who was nothing like her.</p><p>“And I’ve got us tickets. History in the making. And a hell of a party. What do you think?”</p><p>Rose shook off her worries. </p><p>They were together. It was a new world- new grass beneath her feet, new sky above her. He’d planned this, planned something he thought she’d like and got dressed up and gotten her dressed up, too. </p><p>“I think,” she said, patting his arm where they were still joined instead, “I think… I can’t wait.” </p><p>And it really was the most wonderful party she’d ever seen. </p><p>From the outside, the castle was everything a castle should be. On the inside, they entered to a mezzanine overlooking a grand hall of white marble and gilded gold. The ceiling ran several stories high, and the far side of the room was just long panels of glass looking out onto a balconied green garden. In the middle of the hall, down white marble stairs, colourfully gowned couples were dancing.  </p><p>It was like a fairy tale come true, Rose thought. </p><p>With a flash of the Doctor’s psychic paper, an attendant was ushering them down the steps and into the party.</p><p>“Is that what you’re calling “getting a ticket” now, Doctor?” Rose teased when they were out of earshot. </p><p>“Weeeel…” he drawled, scratching a sideburn. “Of course I couldn’t really get a ticket, not without being a member of the nobility. I told you, it’s a complicated system. Wildly stratified, wildly rule bound. They’d never let muck like us in.” </p><p>“You’re not exactly muck, Doctor. Though I take your point about the rules. So who do they think we are, then?” </p><p>He gave her a funny look. </p><p>“Oh, someone or the other,” he hedged.</p><p>“Right…” </p><p>Why did that sound suspicious? </p><p>But then the Doctor was leading Rose to the side of the room and grabbing a fluted glass filled with bubbly orange liquid from an overflowing table. </p><p>“Try this,” he said, taking a sip before holding it to her mouth. “Here, you’ll love it. What does it taste like?”</p><p>He watched her eagerly as she drank from his hand.</p><p>“It’s kinda like… strawberries and peaches, and, mm, ginger and wine, yeah?”</p><p> “Do you like it, then?” he grinned. </p><p>“Mm, yeah,” she grinned back, taking another sip. “S’gorgeous.”  </p><p>Handing her that glass, he moved to grab his own before re-joining her. </p><p>“Now, watch, Rose,” he said, turning her with a gentle hand to the waist so they were facing the dance floor.</p><p>And watch she did. </p><p>The dancers were resplendent, spinning in circles and circles in a kind of waltz until their rich dresses and tailored suits blended together into a colourful swirl.</p><p>Rose leaned her head against his shoulder. </p><p>They were beautiful. And he was beautiful, grinning beside her and sipping his drink. Eyes flickering to gaze back down at her, heavy lidded, back and forth between her face and the floor. Watching her expression as much as he was watching the dance.</p><p>“What do you think?” he asked when they’d finished their drinks. “Close enough to something you know, right? Want to give it a spin?”</p><p>“Reckon I do,” she beamed up at him.  </p><p>“My lady,” he said, offering her his hand with an over exaggerated bow. </p><p>“My lord,” she smirked back, taking it with her own little bow. </p><p>“No, no, no.” he said, showing her to the floor, “You’d say Lord Doctor.”</p><p>“Lord Doctor?” </p><p>He wrapped his arms around her waist and begun leading them in a slow waltz. Rose would herself around his neck. </p><p>“On Gallifrey,” he said softly, eyes crinkling. </p><p>“That’s what they called you?”</p><p>He chuffed, and ducked his head a little. </p><p>“I know. It’s very pompous.” </p><p>Rose shook her head kindly. “It’s nice. My Lord Doctor.” </p><p>“My Lady Rose.” </p><p>They spun together dizzily across the dance floor, arms encircling each other, moving with the colourful crowd.  </p><p>“This is amazing. S’ like a dream. Doctor, thank you.”</p><p>“Course. No probs.” </p><p>“I mean it. Never thought I’d… well.” </p><p>She felt exuberant, tipsy. </p><p>She pressed her cheek to his as they swayed closer, practically hanging from his neck.</p><p>“I can’t wait till you take me home,” she murmured into his ear. </p><p>He choked on the air.  </p><p>“Want you so badly,” she continued.</p><p>But she received no response but the Doctor stiffening in her arms.  </p><p>“Come on, Doctor. Talk to me. You’re usually so talkative, when we’re in bed. I love it when you… you call me sweetheart, and everything.”</p><p>He stopped and held her out from him. “Rose, this isn’t the place.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We’re in public. Come on, that’s enough… wine and dancing, for you.”</p><p>He thought she was drunk? Feeling humiliated as he grabbed her by the elbow and practically dragged her off the dance floor, Rose didn’t notice as she bumped into a particularly well-dressed woman. </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rose said sincerely, ashamed at being caught up enough in her embarrassment to jolt the lady’s arm and step on her richly coloured train. </p><p>“Pleased to meet you,” the woman turned to them, giving them both a stiff, courteous bow. </p><p>“Oh, Princess. It is an honour,” the Doctor said, mouth open with awe. “Forgive Rose. She doesn’t get out too often.”</p><p>Roses blushed, the insinuation humiliating and unexpected.</p><p>“There is nothing to forgive,” said the Princess calmly, fluttering a fan in her hand. “But whoever might you both be? It’s not often that I meet an unfamiliar face.” </p><p>“I’m the Doctor,” he said, flashing her a charming smile along with his psychic paper. “This is my companion, Rose.” </p><p>“My Lord Doctor,” said the Princess, turning away from Rose to focus her attention solely on him. “Have my studies failed me? Your papers announce you as a Lord of one of the great Pyxisian houses, and yet not only have I not seen you in Court, but I cannot recall your name from my books- or your handsome face.”</p><p>“Oh, well, I’m from quite a ways off. Keep to myself, mainly, rattling around the old country estate. Not much one for getting myself in the books, or for dancing in your wonderful Court.”</p><p>“Well, then that must be remedied. Perhaps we shall get to know each other over this next refrain.”</p><p>“Don’t,” Rose mouthed quietly to the Doctor, squeezing his arm where he still held her other. </p><p>But he shrugged her off, gaze still firmly planted on the other woman.  </p><p>“I would be delighted, my Princess,” he beamed.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose watched them go, feeling as if she was falling into a deep wall of despair. The Doctor wrapped his arms around the Princess, like he’d wrapped his arms around earlier. For just a second he met Rose’s eyes, before flicking away. </p><p>The Doctor led the Princess in the same dance he’d just led Rose in. They were talking, smiling at each other, and soon they were pressed closer, pelvis against pelvis. Rose could see the her run a hand down to squeeze his bicep. The Doctor didn’t even flinch. </p><p>She couldn’t move her feet. Couldn’t help but watch. Couldn’t do anything to stop this torture. </p><p>And she really was beautiful, the Princess. Glowing, clear skin, unblemished by cosmetics. Large round eyes, long blonde hair- thick and undamaged by bleach and hanging down her back in a bejewelled tail. And her dress… it made Rose’s dress, the nicest thing she’d ever worn by far, look shabby. </p><p>Here was a proper match for the Doctor.  </p><p>And she suspected he knew it. </p><p>Suddenly she was hit heavily on her side by a dancing couple. </p><p>“Stupid girl,” a man sneered at her, brushing off his shoulder as if it was covered in dirt. “Get off the floor.”</p><p>Panic welling in her chest, Rose summoned up the last of her strength to walk away steady gaited and shoulders high.  </p><p>She went to the table, first, to grab another flute of alcohol, before standing back on the far wall where the Doctor had instructed her to watch the dancers earlier.</p><p>And watch she did. </p><p>And it looked… it looked as if the Doctor and that woman had moved even closer together. </p><p>Companion, he’d said.</p><p>She’d misunderstood tonight, obviously. She’d misunderstood everything. </p><p>She’d thought he was acknowledging her in public, that he was taking her on a date, for god’s sake, that he was calling her a lady, that they were moving closer to being together properly. How stupid could she be?</p><p>How could she bear it? </p><p>This was France, all over again. </p><p>It was too much. </p><p>She needed to get out. Rose stumbled through the heavy glass doors onto the balcony. Out in the cool night, she felt the breeze on her face. Taking breath after breath of cold air into her lungs, she tried her best to calm down. </p><p>Would the Doctor ask the Princess to go with them? Would she say yes? </p><p>Could Rose stand it? </p><p>Madame du Pompadour had been bad enough. But at least the Doctor hadn’t been visiting her bed at that time. </p><p>What would happen? Would he continue with her- with them both at the same time? Could she let him? And what if he didn’t?</p><p>Maybe the Doctor wouldn’t ask the Princess to go with them. The Doctor had said, she had history to make here. He wouldn’t disturb the timelines, cause a paradox, or, god forbid, call the reapers down on this world. He wouldn’t. </p><p>Maybe that’s why the Doctor settled for Rose in the first place- he could take her out of her time stream, because she’d just go with him, because she’d never amount to anything else. History wouldn’t miss her.  </p><p>She caught sight of herself in polished reflection of the glass, in all her shabbiness. Too much skin, too much makeup, cheap hair, cheap dress, cheap everything. On the other side of the glass, inside the ballroom, the Doctor was dancing. </p><p>Jimmy had warned her, when she’d gotten that job Henrick’s, that she’d be nothing but a play toy to a posh bloke, and she better not go looking to get above herself, even though it was good she was earning cause she needed to start pulling her weight.  </p><p>Mickey had always said the Doctor was just like the rest of them.</p><p>Who was she trying to fool?</p><p>Her behaviour was cheap, too. Secret, she’d offered him, desperate for any shred of affection, like a dog. And he’d agreed. </p><p>And eventually she’d gotten kicked. Who did she have to blame?</p><p>Once upon a time, she’d thought they might have been something different to what they were. That they were best friends, that they saved each other, that they loved each other. But she’d known full well when she’d let him in her bed- she was nothing to him. </p><p>She’d let him in her bed and he ignored it during the day and it meant nothing, nothing. All of it meant nothing. </p><p>Rose went back inside. </p><p>The Doctor scanned the crowd for Rose over the Princess’s shoulder in between passes around the dance floor. The Princess who was getting rather grabby, he thought, as he subtly shifted her hand back off his bottom with a kick of his hip. </p><p>Rose had been there, and then she was gone. Don’t wonder off, he’d always said. The first rule. Why did she always forget the first rule? </p><p>Well, he supposed he wouldn’t like her half so much if she didn’t. </p><p>But she needed not to have run off, in this instance. He’d forgotten how liberal these people could be with each other, for all their rules and classes and hierarchies. They weren’t like the Time Lords at all, really. So that meant she actually needed to remember his number one rule, for once.</p><p>It was dangerous for her to run off by herself with these… licentious people. Well, now he was experiencing it first-hand, he thought, biting his tongue to stop from yelping and causing an irreparable, potentially jail-able insult. </p><p>He’d panicked, when Rose had gotten close, whispered in his ear, reminded him of the things he said to her in private. The way he treated her in her bed. </p><p>He’d felt her pelvis rub against his and smelt her arousal and heard her say he called her sweetheart. That he’d really called her that enough for her to notice, to say it had become a habit. It was pathetic, it was needy, relying on a human woman like that. She wasn’t his to call sweetheart. She wasn’t his. </p><p>What would the council think?</p><p>Even his father would never go so far in public. </p><p>He was a lonely old Time Lord taking advantage. Playing at being her lover, her family. And everyone would see that. </p><p>But then, he reminded himself as the Princess’s hand moved down for the third time, and he casually slipped it back up with a kick of his hips for the third time, this wasn’t Gallifrey. It was a liberal society with decadent social mores that wouldn’t remotely be phased by an older man and a younger woman dancing together a little too close.</p><p>In fact, there were likely things much worse than that which were likely going on in private rooms throughout this party.</p><p>He knew that. </p><p>But Rose didn’t. She could get into all kinds of trouble, wandering off, into some of these chambers where god knows what was happening.</p><p>He needed to escape the Princess’s arms and find Rose, now.  </p><p>On the next pass, the Doctor caught her face. </p><p>She was entering French doors from the balcony, shoulders squared, resplendent in her dress.</p><p>He tried to catch her, but she just stared back, dead eyed. </p><p>A dead eyed gaze he’d seen plenty of times on his mother’s face, and oh, he hated, hated, hated himself. </p><p>No, this wasn’t Gallifrey. But he was still a Time Lord. </p><p>Still himself.</p><p>The Princess spun him around again. </p><p>On the next pass, Rose was walking across the room towards the grand marble stairs. </p><p>Luckily, the song ended. </p><p>The Doctor bowed to the Princess stiffly, and rushed over to Rose, steeling himself. </p><p>“Where are you going?” </p><p>Rose turned.</p><p>“Am I still just your companion?” she asked, her face as stone as the statue he’d once carved of her.</p><p>“Rose.”</p><p>“And does companion mean something different, here?” she continued with an uncontrollable wobble in her tone which belied her. </p><p>The Doctor glanced around him.</p><p>“Rose, don’t make a scene.” </p><p>Suddenly again he felt as if everyone could see him- his sins, his weakness, his need. </p><p>“No, see cause,” she ground out, squaring her chin. “Cause you wouldn’t tell me, who your psychic paper said we were, and then when… she saw it she stopped looking at me at all.”</p><p>“What does it matter what the psychic paper said?” </p><p>“Because it came from you!” she exploded. “From your thoughts, Doctor! I just want to know the truth. What am I to you?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“I took you here, didn’t I? Danced with you in front of all those people.”</p><p>Didn’t he know how much he’d violated the norms of his society to be with her? To dress her up, to dance with her, in public. And still she wanted to force him into some public, emotional display. </p><p>But Rose just smiled bitterly and nodded to herself. And the Doctor had the terrible thought that she looked as if she might be finally realising something.  </p><p>“You really are ashamed of me,” she whispered. </p><p>“I did this all for you,” he muttered back through clenched teeth, eyes wide and intense. “Did you think I brought you here because I enjoyed dancing?”</p><p>“You seem to be enjoying yourself just fine,” she spat, storming away towards the stairs. </p><p>He grabbed her wrist, panicking, a little too hard.</p><p>“Get your hands off me,” she said, “You don’t get to touch me like that, ever.” </p><p>“I’m only- you can’t just wander off! It’s dangerous.” </p><p>“I’m going back to the TARDIS. Think I can manage a few steps without my lord and master, alright?” </p><p>And then the Doctor was really angry. </p><p>“Fine,” he said coldly. “Don’t wait up.”</p><p>Rose recoiled, eyes wide, before turning again to walk away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back home, still dressed in her long white dress, Rose lay face down on her bed and wept. </p><p>And, to add further insult, her pillow still smelt like him. </p><p>She should want to strip the bed of her pillowcase, her sheets, of every trace of where they’d lain happy the night before. </p><p>But Rose just brought the pillow to her chest and held it as tightly as she could. Imagining it was him here comforting her, as much as it’d been him who’d done the cutting. </p><p>After what felt like hours, she flipped onto her back and stared at the sloping coral ceiling above. </p><p>Her tears slowly dried.</p><p>She got up. </p><p>Walking through to her ensuite, she caught herself in the mirror. </p><p>She was still dressed in the garment she’d first felt so beautiful in, and then felt so ugly. Her face was blotchy and white. Mascara tracked down red-rimmed eyes to smear across her cheeks. How awful she looked.</p><p>She began washing her face, splashing herself with warm water before soaking make-up remover on tissue to dab at the stubborn stains.</p><p>Then she heard the door. </p><p>Rose refused to move, but the Doctor entered without asking and wrapped his arms around her anyway. </p><p>It had been what she had wanted, early. But he was moving loosely, his tie was askew, and he smelt of alcohol. And it had been hours since their argument on the ballroom. Now she just felt disgust. </p><p>“I told you, get off me,” Rose spat, shoving his arms off her. </p><p>The Doctor staggered back, a doe-eyed look of genuine surprise crossing his handsome features.</p><p>“Not this, still. Thought you’d have come to your senses by now.”</p><p>“You left me, again!”</p><p>“You were the one who ran away from me, as I remember,” he replied haughtily, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>Rose was incensed. She turned from the mirror to look him in the eye.</p><p>“Did you sleep with her?” she hissed. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“She was all over you. You’ve been gone for hours. I know you did, just admit it!”</p><p>“You’re being ridiculous. The Princess asked me to dance. I couldn’t refuse her.”</p><p>“Looked like more than a dance to me.”</p><p>“That was all her, not me. That’s their culture. Which, by the way, was why it was ill advised for you to run off on your own, no less than twice-”</p><p>“Oh, give me a break!” Rose broke in. </p><p>“You don’t know anything of their customs! There was nothing I could do but look pleased to have her attention, it’d be a high insult, she’s royalty, Rose!” </p><p>“Just your type!”</p><p>The Doctor’s face softened. He moved from where he was leaning against her bathroom wall to kneel in front of her on the cold tiles, wrapping his arms around her knees and pressing his cheek to her stomach.</p><p>“No, not my type at all, Rose,” he murmured into her dress, “You’re the only one I want in my bed. Let me show you how much.”</p><p>Rose felt sick. </p><p>In my bed, he’d said. She was in love with him, and he just wanted her in his bed. </p><p>As she’d agreed with him. </p><p>But she didn’t know if she could be just that to him, anymore. It was killing her.</p><p>“No,” she replied, voice cracking, pushing at his arms, “I don’t want to.”</p><p>The Doctor sighed and stepped back up. </p><p>“You think I’ll- what did you call it? Play around.”</p><p>Her silence was answer enough for the Doctor.</p><p>“Rose. I’m not him.”</p><p>She scoffed.</p><p>“What?” he asked softly.</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“Rose, you can tell me.” </p><p>She looked scared.</p><p>“Come on, now.” </p><p>Scared of him. </p><p>Shoulders shaking, hands clenched into fists at her side, she finally answered him. </p><p>“You leave me, all the time.” </p><p>“I don’t leave you.”</p><p>“You do,” she cried, face crumpling. “You were cruel, tonight. It was supposed to be… just us. I know I’m not g-good enough for you, but I can’t, I can’t stand being a-apart from you, seeing you with… the others, right in front of me.”</p><p>“Rose, that’s not- I only ever leave you for your own good.”</p><p>“Liar.”</p><p>“It’s true!”</p><p>“It was Madame du Pompadour all over again. You left me, all alone... on that spaceship, with those things who had just strapped me up, ready to kill me, after everything I thought we’d been through- you didn’t even care!” </p><p>He was shocked at the turn the conversation was taking. Old wounds were becoming intertwined. And he’d had no idea she viewed what happened back then as a betrayal. As evidence of her lack of worth in his eyes. When he knew that couldn’t have been further from the truth. </p><p>“That’s not- that time- it wasn’t that I didn’t care. I knew you could take care of yourself, and she couldn’t.”</p><p>If anything, back then, he’d been trying desperately to care less about her. Certain that his overwhelming need was being broadcast for the world to see. </p><p>“Oh, that’s convenient,” Rose replied bitterly, “Most of the time I’m too stupid to know blue from red, ‘cept when you want to get your end away.”</p><p>“I didn’t sleep with her!” the Doctor erupted, disgusted at her coarseness.</p><p>The insinuation she’d just made- he was dismayed by it. By the way she perceived herself, and him. He thought of the Council, of his father. </p><p>“Then you wanted to! You were going to bring her back with you.”</p><p>“For a trip. Not for this.”</p><p>“What- you only need one whore?”</p><p>“Don’t speak about yourself that way,” he warned, jaw clenched. </p><p>“Aren’t I your whore?” she continued, twisting the knife. </p><p>“Stop being so crude.” </p><p>“Fuck you. I know what your psychic paper meant. What you were telling everyone I was.”</p><p>The Doctor flushed. </p><p>It was true, just not in the way she’d thought he’d meant it.  Companion, a term meaning paid… companionship, in this region- it was the only way he’d explain her presence at that occasion without claiming her for his wife. And the bands worn in this planetary system- too similar to what was worn on Gallifrey- he couldn’t go through that farce, no, not with her. </p><p>But Rose didn’t know that. </p><p>“And you want to know what the worst part was, Doctor?”</p><p>He gave her a short, sharp nod. Really, he didn’t want to know. But perhaps he needed to.  </p><p> “You made me get dressed up, think I could be something I wasn’t, think I could put on these clothes and be good enough for you. Just for a day. And then you pulled it all out from under me, humiliated me, again!” </p><p>“Rose, no, no, it’s not a question of not being good enough,” he stammered beseechingly. “And I would never... humiliate you.”</p><p>Didn’t she know he only ever wanted what was best for her? </p><p>To build her up, not tear her down. As she built him up. </p><p>But she was continuing, crying still. </p><p>“You took Mickey on board with us, when I begged you not to, just when he was telling me that you were just like other blokes, that I better watch what I eat, that I wasn’t good enough for you and I should just come back to him. And then you showed him you were, you did it right in front of him, you didn’t even wait!”</p><p>The Doctor’s eyes widened. He didn’t know Mickey had been saying that to her. But that was hardly his fault Mickey- how was he to know? </p><p>She’d never told him that, hadn’t even started to hint at it, until they begun an intimate relationship.  </p><p>“Oh, so now I’m being blamed for what your ridiculous boyfriend says.”</p><p>“Shut up. He’s not my boyfriend, and you know it! Do you think so little of me, that I’d let you fuck me if he was? But you, you fell in love with her, right in front of me and you...” </p><p>Rose caught her words before she could admit he’d broken her heart aloud. </p><p>“I did no such thing.”</p><p>“You were devastated when she died. I saw you!”</p><p>“I felt guilty!” </p><p>Rose stopped, breathed deeply. Tried to recover. This was getting out of hand- she’d been skating so close to a confession he didn’t want to hear. As if today’s emotional outburst hadn’t already been enough to make him think about sending her packing.  </p><p>“I get it, I do,” Rose tried, trying to tone down her voice. </p><p>She needed to think, to try and understand from his perspective. </p><p>This great, great man who could be so wonderful even as he hurt her. Who had given her so much, even as he took from her.  </p><p>No, it wasn’t his fault she wasn’t enough. </p><p>He’d said, hadn’t he, what they were. She’d agreed. </p><p>He’d tried to stop her, even, at first. </p><p>It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her.</p><p>He did those things, listened to her, empathised with her, took her to dance with him, because he was kind. Because he was lonely, and she was his friend. Because he cared about everyone, not specifically her. Not because he loved her. </p><p>“She was so beautiful, so educated,” Rose continued. “She must have reminded you of the women back home, yeah?”</p><p>The Doctor started. He didn’t know which woman she was referring to- both women, he supposed. And little did she know she was half right. </p><p>“Yes, the women of my species- they were beautiful and educated,” he responded carefully, “And I suppose they did remind me of them.”</p><p>Rose flinched as if he’d struck her.</p><p>The thought that he was causing her so much pain- he couldn’t stand it anymore. </p><p>He gathered her into his arms.</p><p>“Don’t,” she moaned, heartsick. “Please, Doctor.”</p><p>“Oh Rose,” he whispered, rocking her back and forth. “Oh, my poor Rose.”</p><p>“Please. You pretend you care and I just…W-Why do you have to do it in front of me? Why tonight? I thought…”</p><p>“Rose, I’m not sleeping with anyone else. Not in front of you, not behind your back, not ever. I don’t do that, you know that. And I hated the women back home. Beautiful, and educated, and cold and unfeeling, staying so distant from the universe like the rest of them. Not like you,” he said, placing his hand over her heart, “So alive, and caring, and feeling.”</p><p>“Not beautiful, not educated.”</p><p>He ran the hand back up through his hair.</p><p>“Not educated, no. She didn’t have life easy, my Rose. But smart, so smart. Quick thinking and intuitive and empathetic. And as for not being beautiful- isn’t it clear how much I want you, my sweet Rose?”</p><p>“I think maybe you took me with you because you were lonely, and you can’t take them with you because you can’t take them out of their timeline, but I… I was never going to do anything important.”</p><p>“No, Rose.”</p><p>“I’m an easy fuck, that’s all. I know I am.” </p><p>It broke his hearts.</p><p>“Rose…” he sighed, “I don’t want to hear you speak about yourself like that again. You know that’s not why I’m with you.” </p><p>“Could’ve fooled me,” she mumbled into his shirt.</p><p>“Look at me,” he said, grasping her chin. “That’s really not it. That thing I said about the women of my species being cold? I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never done this. But I want you, only you.” </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>Tears glistened on her eyelashes. </p><p>“Really. I’m trying to be better. I’ll be better. What do you think tonight was meant to be?” </p><p>“So you did… did you really, want…?” </p><p>“To take you out. Like I said. Like you deserve.” </p><p>“Then why?”</p><p>“Rose, it really was protocol.”</p><p>“I w-wish I could believe that. But something changed, before that. You were dragging me off the dance floor, you were angry with me.”</p><p>He sighed again.  </p><p>“I panicked. You were all over me, telling me you wanted me. I was… reacting,” he spat out. “In public. My society, I’ve told you, we didn’t… I felt ashamed, but it’s not you, there’s nothing shameful, what you did. It was that I don’t… care about you.” </p><p>“It… I…” </p><p>But she couldn’t finish the sentence. The Doctor could tell the thought was too horrible to her for her to be able do so. She still didn’t get it. </p><p>He tried to put it into words that she’d understand. </p><p>“You know how long I’ve been alive, don’t you, Rose? That’s not even that old, for my species. We were animals once, we evolved just like you, but after millennia of technological advancement… Recreational sexual intercourse, it was frowned upon, deeply, by the time I was brought up. It has to be, with a species that long lived- otherwise we’d have uncontrollable population growth.” </p><p>“But…” </p><p>The Doctor took her point. </p><p>“You can’t get rid of that drive, completely. The will to reproduce, to live- it’s pretty fundamental to any species, dress them up as you may. But many of my people liked to pretend we did get rid of it. And I… I think you know why I struggled more than most with that. And that I am… very capable of feeling the things you do. Of wanting you. I’m still a man. How could any man live beside you and not want to be with you?”</p><p>Rose shook her head, not wanting to meet his eyes again.</p><p>“You still don’t believe me. Let me show you, then.”</p><p>He began kissing her. </p><p>“Look at yourself in the mirror.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Look.”</p><p>“Please, I hate…”</p><p>“You hate yourself at the moment. I know. And I’ve contributed to that. But do you want to know what I see?” </p><p>“I’m scared,” she admitted.</p><p>“Don’t be scared. Don’t be. Look. You were what I always wanted. What I dreamed of.”</p><p>And she looked. </p><p>The Doctor ran his fingers over her temple.</p><p>“I dreamed of someone curious, and clever, who wants to see everything, learn everything, do everything- who wants this funny old life we lead.” </p><p>He thumbed her lips. “Someone fun, and funny, who makes me smile, and laugh, every day. A friend. A real best friend.”</p><p>He shuffled her feet over his till she was standing on his plimsolls- worn as ever, she noted warmly, even with the rest of him dressed in a fancy black tuxedo.  </p><p>“Someone who leaps in with both feet,” he smiled, jumping a little, making her bounce in the air with him. </p><p>Rose giggled through the tears, despite herself. </p><p>“Someone so beautiful, in body…” the Doctor murmured, running his hand up her hips and waist, skimming the side of her breasts before flying up to massage her scalp, “And in mind.”</p><p>And then the Doctor moved his hands back over her heart. </p><p>“Someone who feels, so much. Who does so much good, who is so kind, to everyone, to the universe- even to this sad old Time Lord. Especially when he needed it the most.”</p><p>Finally, he softly grazed her cheek with his lips. </p><p>“A partner. And I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like you weren’t.”</p><p>Rose ran her hands up to cover his. </p><p>“Truly sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. But I need to be with you, Rose,” he pleaded, “Please. I’ll do anything.”</p><p>“Do you really mean that?” she asked. </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“No one else?”</p><p>“No one else. Not ever.”</p><p>“Take me to bed,” she half-asked, half-commanded. </p><p>The Doctor snaked his arm around her neck and cupped her left cheek with the other, kissing her soundly, before lifting her into his arms.</p><p>Eyes never leaving hers, he slowly carried her back to her bed and gently lay her down. </p><p>Still dressed in her white gown, he took her in. Blonde hair fanned out on the pillow. Pale skin and pink lips, scrubbed clean of makeup. Small feet peeking out of her skirts. </p><p>She was so beautiful. </p><p>The Doctor undressed himself slowly, all the while he started into her eyes as she stared back up at him, heavy lidded. Taking him in just as much as he was her.</p><p>When he was fully naked, he climbed into bed with her, and silently lifted her by the lower back, until she was in a seated position. </p><p>Reaching his arms around her, he slowly undid the laces of her corset, rubbing each inch of skin while he did so until Rose was half mad with lust. </p><p>“I want you,” she said, giving him an open-mouthed kiss.</p><p>But he just gave her a little shake of his head, and said softly, “Slow, yeah? That’s how you like it.”</p><p>She gave him a wide smile and kissed him again.</p><p>When he was done with her laces, he slowly ran his hands back up her back and around to her shoulders, massaging them before placing the slightest of pressure to tell her to lay back down.</p><p>Rose did so, and he began kissing from her collar bone down as he slowly peeled the gown off her. Over her breasts, down her belly, biting at the swell of her hips and running his nose through the hair between her legs before running his tongue down her slit. Down further to kiss and bite at the soft texture of the inside her thighs, to her calves and the arches of her feet.</p><p>By the time he was wrapping his hands around her ankles and pushing her legs outwards to receive him, they were both trembling. </p><p>“Doctor, come in to me,” she breathed.</p><p>“Yes, Rose” he murmured like a man possessed, crawling to lie between her legs. </p><p>Hard and red and weeping he took himself in his hand and penetrated her slowly.</p><p>Fully seated in her, feeling her surround him, he stilled. </p><p>Then he could not help but voice his heart’s desire- knowing it could never be true, wanting to speak it into being. </p><p>“I want to spend the rest of my life like this. Wrapped up in you.”</p><p>Rose gave him a soft, sad smile. </p><p>“I-I want that too. You know I’d stay with you forever, if I could, yeah?”</p><p>He smiled sadly back.</p><p>“Then you’ll stay with me forever,” he replied, imagining it was true. </p><p>They began to move. </p><p>He did his best to move as deep inside her as he could. Rose met each of his thrusts with a buck and a squeeze that was soon driving him mad.</p><p>“Come closer, love,” Rose said softly.</p><p>“I’ll crush you,” he panted, muscles strained. </p><p>“I can handle you,” she smiled wryly. “Come on.” </p><p>With that she pulled him closer to he lay on top of her, and their legs were intertwined. He groaned. </p><p>With each thrust, his chest hair brushed against her nipples and his pelvis ground into her. </p><p>She reached up to stroke his shoulders, his face, to drag him by the hair into a carnal kiss. </p><p>Soon she was groaning along with him, and they moved and moaned together until they both met their end.</p><p>Afterward they lay together for a time, before he told her to get dressed.</p><p>“Why?” she asked, suddenly uncertain again. </p><p>“You’re staying. We’re together. It’s time you started learning more about your home, don’t you think?” </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, I’m gonna teach you how to fly her.” </p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Why not? You’re staying. We have time. It could be handy, in a pinch. And besides, you can pick it up- you’re dead smart.” </p><p>“Oh, Doctor. I’d love that.”</p><p>“Thought you would,” he smiled, holding her hand as she dressed, dragging her to the wardrobe on the way to the console room where he’d discarded his pinstripe suit for the tuxedo the other night, giggling with her as he padded naked down the hallway. </p><p>“Mind, you’ll need to start slow,” he said at the console. “There’s many, many things to learn before you could properly fly my frankly magnificent time ship. But they were meant to be flown with a big group of Time Lords, you know. I reckon she’d like another pilot. Specially one like you. So, where to, Rose Tyler?”</p><p>“I dunno. Somewhere new. Somewhere beautiful!” </p><p>“Backwards or forwards? Relative to your time, that is.” </p><p>“Backwards.”</p><p>“Alright. Why don’t you spin those dials there,” he pointed. “Coordinates alpha, gamma, 44, 45, 46, 78 98.”</p><p>“Kay. Do you just remember what all them coordinates are?”</p><p>“Yup. Pull that lever up.” </p><p>She did.</p><p>“Is that part of being a Time Lord?”</p><p>“Yup. Hold that button. Years and years of the academy plus the superior memory needed to remember it all. And hold on, here we go, allons-y!” </p><p>The TARDIS flew into the vortex. She watched the Doctor dance around the console, giving her commands of various to press various buttons and pull various levers, joyous and resplendent. Giggled when he stopped to kiss her full on the lips as he skipped past. </p><p>Then they were landing with a jolt. </p><p>By the time Rose was back standing on her feet, the Doctor was waiting by the door. </p><p>“Out you go, Rose Tyler. First trip you ever piloted.”</p><p>“It’s just rocks,” she said, turning back to him. “Did I cock it up?”</p><p>“What if we head down there?” he pointed. </p><p>Together they found a rocky beach. Huge, winged beasts flew elegantly through the sky around them.</p><p>“This is mad. I don’t know how to… Thank you, Doctor,” Rose gasped, trying to put her feelings into her eyes, “Thank you.”</p><p>“How long are you going to stay with me?” he asked, knowing her answer.</p><p>“Forever.”</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Part Five: Surveillance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After they’d spent the better part of a day exploring the rocks, which had involved much scrambling and the eventual discovery of a lovely geothermal spring, he’d dragged her back to the TARDIS for some more lessons. Showing her what various bits and pieces on the console did soon turned into Rose riding him enthusiastically on the jump seat chanting his name while he wore a silly, hopelessly besotted grin across his face.</p><p>Unable to part, they’d ended up in her shower together, groping and gawking each others’ bodies, then curled up in her bed, exhausted and happy under the low sloping coral. </p><p>And the next morning, for the first time since the cottage, he’d stayed to waken in her bed. </p><p>They’d had another round of playful, giggly sex before he’d told her to stay there while he’d go and make them a cup of tea.</p><p>But by the time he strode back in holding two steaming mugs, she was sitting up wearing his hastily buttoned shirt, hair ridiculously mussed and a frown on her face.</p><p>“Rose,” he asked, worried he’d done something to hurt her again. “What’s wrong?” </p><p>“Oh, Doctor,” she said distractedly, motioning to her phone. “S’ Mum, she’s upset.”</p><p>He crooked an eyebrow in quiet question while climbing back under the covers and handing over her cup of tea. </p><p>“Ta, that’s lovely,” Rose said taking a sip. “She says some bloke’s been bothering her- I can’t make tails of it but she seems really upset.” </p><p>“Tell her we’ll pop round, then,” the Doctor said matter-of-factly. </p><p>“Yeah?” she smiled at him, a troubling note of uncertainty in her voice as if she couldn’t quite believe he’d do something so domestic for her. </p><p>“Course we will. Mind, you might need to…” he nodded towards her awkwardly.</p><p>“What?” she said, leaning up on her knees to peer at her mussed reflection in the mirror on the other wall of the room. “Oh. Look at the state of my hair. And I washed it last night, too.”</p><p>“Weeeell…” the Doctor said, reaching up to rub at his neck. </p><p>“Oi,” she laughed, roughing her hands through his chocolatey locks as she crawled over him to pull on a pair of dark pants. “S’not like you’re looking much better.”</p><p>The Doctor saw his reflection’s hair was sticking up like a hedgehog. </p><p>“Oh,” he pouted at the mirror. </p><p>Rose giggled some more while she attempted to neaten her hair. Perhaps two braids would be the best cover.    </p><p>The Doctor watched her curiously, enraptured as she divided her blonde strands into two strands, then three again, then started crossing them over and over.</p><p>“What’s that you’re doing there?” he asked. </p><p>“What, braiding my hair?” </p><p>“Yeah. How’re you doing that, then?”</p><p>“How’d you mean?” </p><p>He climbed out of bed, tea coming with him, to watch more closely. </p><p>“Curious. You cross the far ones in and out then swap the middle to the side, and repeat- then out comes that pretty pattern.”</p><p>“You never seen a woman braid her hair before, Doctor?” Rose teased. </p><p>“When would I’ve seen a woman braid her hair?” he lobbied back a little too nonchalantly to be nonchalant.  </p><p>“You said you’d been with other women, back home.” </p><p>“Maybe Time Ladies didn’t wear their hair in braids, Rose. Maybe that’s a uniquely human custom.” </p><p>“Oh, I ‘spose.” </p><p>But he couldn’t let her go on thinking her deduction wasn’t sensible. </p><p>“Nah, you’re right.  They did, sometimes. It’s this part we didn’t do- mornings after. Getting dressed together.” </p><p>“Is that why you don’t usually stick around?” Rose asked, voice carefully neutral. </p><p>“Why, did you want me to stick around?”  </p><p>“But do you want to, though?” </p><p>The Doctor shrugged before stepping closer to her again and taking the three un-braided strands on the right side of her head in his dextrous hands. </p><p>“Hmm,” he said, threading the far strand through to the middle, “Feels a bit… not what I’m used to, I ‘spose. Not bad though.”</p><p>“No?” Rose asked nervously, watching him expertly braid her hair through the mirror. </p><p>“Nah. Feels very… I dunno, intimate,” he said, tying the ends together and setting the braid down by her shoulder. </p><p>Unable to help herself, Rose turned around to kiss him sweetly before looking to see the finished product in the mirror.</p><p>“Blimey though,” she exclaimed. “You didn’t half pick that up easily.”</p><p>He pulled on his pinstripe trousers behind her. </p><p>“It was easy. I just watched you, then I copied.” </p><p>“Hmm,” Rose said, a little perturbed.</p><p>“Superior Time Lord proprioception.” </p><p>Rose raised her eyebrows. </p><p>“Good hand-eye coordination. Nimble hands,” he explained. </p><p>“Delicate hands?” </p><p>“Manly hands,” he scrambled to defend himself, “Masterly, nimble, manly, hairy hands.” </p><p>Rose grinned, picking one up and bringing it to her lips for a gallant kiss. </p><p>“I remember,” she said from under her lashes, before peppering more kisses up to the tips of his fingers and finally sucking two into her mouth.  </p><p>“Rose,” he groaned, jaw slackening. </p><p>Unable to resist, he thrust them roughly further into the back of her throat, watching her gag and splutter. </p><p>Trembling with want, he pulled them out of her mouth and grasped her by the hips instead so he could relieve the pressure of his erection against her warm, soft stomach.  </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he moaned. “You’d better get dressed before I take you again.”</p><p>“Mmm, Doctor,” Rose moaned back. “To be continued, yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he sighed wistfully.  </p><p>Shaky legged, Rose stumbled to her wardrobe to pick out a lacey pink bra and a blue jumper as the Doctor grabbed his suit jacket from where it had been tossed on the floor and hastily scooped up the detritus that had inevitably scattered from his transdimensonal pockets the night before. </p><p>“I’m off to grab a fresh shirt,” he called cheerfully. “Meet you in the console in fifteen.”</p><p>“Alright,” she called back.  </p><p>“Oh,” he said, poking his head back around the corner, “And grab another layer- s’going to be chilly, this time of year, back in your timestream.”</p><p>Landing in the usual grimy grey courtyard outside her flat, the Doctor called her back to the console before she could step out the door to show her the coordinates he’d used, telling her he wanted her to start memorising them. </p><p>Staring at them, she did her best to burn them into her retinas. </p><p>“What were those coordinates, again?” the Doctor asked quietly as he slid the lock into the blue door. </p><p>Rose repeated them back correctly and he rewarded her with the biggest, proudest grin before grabbing her hand. </p><p>They practically skipped together across the concrete and up the dingy stairways, hands swinging joyfully between. Rose’s eye kept being caught by him. His tall, lean physique, his handsome face. The crinkles in his eyes, the hook of his nose. The way his long coat floated out behind him and just a hint of chest hair escaped his henley. </p><p>She felt so proud to be with him. </p><p>She only wished he could feel the same.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor and Rose leaned against the doorstep of the small flat she had lived in her whole life- before she met him, that is. </p><p>“Oh Rose,” cried Jackie as she opened the door and wrapped her daughter in a tight embrace, “Thank god you’re here.”</p><p>“Mum! But what’s happened?” </p><p>The Doctor silently scurried around the two women, striding down the hallway like he owned the place. </p><p>“I thought he was such a nice bloke,” Jackie begun. “It’s been so useful having someone to help out again round the house, now that Mickey’s gone and left. I tell you what, I thought you’d found yourself a steady bloke in him, there’s always work for mechanics and he was such a darling. And you just chucked him in, and for what?"</p><p>The Doctor heard Rose sigh exasperatedly behind him as he thumbed through the papers on the kitchen table, looking for anything interesting. </p><p>“Travelling. I mean, really Rose. Are you never gonna settle down?”</p><p>“Mum!” Rose cried. </p><p>“I don’t know what you and himself live on. You’ve neither of you a cent between you.” </p><p>“Was there a point to all this?” Rose bit back.</p><p>Meanwhile, the Doctor had finished with his exploration of the papers and moved on to a careful examination of photos of Rose. There was quite a collection of them littering the walls. Young Rose with dark blonde hair and big brown eyes and pigtails. A cherubic infant in a pink bassinet he remembered holding on one of the worst days of his last life. Teenage Rose in her hoodies and her caps with peroxide in her hair and always, always a broad smile.  An exquisite gallery.</p><p>“Well I was saying I thought he was just a nice, ordinary bloke,” Jackie continued on. “But then he started asking all these questions.”</p><p>Another photo, the Doctor noted, featured a School-uniformed Rose holding a ginger moggie. This must have been the reason his second fated meeting with Rose occurred through a cat flap. He imagined a young Rose finding an unloved stray on the estate and taking it in. Caring for it. Filling it up with warmth and affection as she was wont to do to unloved strays. Yes, visits to her mum were always such a great way to gather more information on his favourite subject, Rose Marion Tyler. The nattering left space for investigation. </p><p>“Where is she? Is she coming home tonight? And still I thought nothing of it, but then right, I went to slip a tenner in his wallet for the pizza and what do you think I found?”</p><p>When did Jimmy Stone come in, the Doctor wondered, looking at the walls of photos of her life. Was he another unloved stray? He clearly didn’t know the value of what Rose chose to bestow. The Doctor imagined Rose in pain. At what point did he stop her broad smile, and for how long? </p><p>“It was a picture of you, sweetheart, and that box of his.”</p><p>The Doctor’s breathing stopped.</p><p>“What?” he spat, spinning around to face them. </p><p>Rose bit her lip as she looked back at him from across the room, and he realised the hot furry he felt must have been writ ferocious across his features.  </p><p>“Well, I confronted him, and he basically admitted he was looking for the pair of ya,” added Jackie unnecessarily.  </p><p>“Sorry, did you just say, he had a photo of Rose and the TARDIS?” asked the Doctor.</p><p>He could feel his face contorting wildly as he spoke, half in madness, half in disbelief- it must have been ugly. </p><p>“Oh, now you care,” Jackie snarked with a cross of her arms and a curl of her lips.  </p><p>“Jackie, do you have any idea what kind of danger you both could be in?” the Doctor bellowed through clenched teeth.  </p><p>“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” </p><p>“Mum,” Rose stepped in to bring a halt to the rising tide of their back and forth, “Did he say why he was looking for us?” </p><p>“Oh,” the Doctor moaned to himself, falling to the lounge like a rock and rubbing his temple back and forth, “This is all my fault. I’ve put you both in so much danger, just because you took me in.”</p><p>“Doctor…” Rose warned.</p><p>“Rose, this is unacceptable. This is my fault.” </p><p>She sighed again, and he distantly registered that this time it was directed at him. </p><p>“Did he say why, Mum?”</p><p>“No."</p><p>“Well didn’t you think to ask!” the Doctor erupted across the room. </p><p>“Don’t you have a go at me mister, I’m the injured party here!”</p><p>The Doctor threw his hands up in defeat. </p><p>“Is that all you can think of, Jackie? What if I’d let Rose walk up here alone?”</p><p>“Hang on, let me?” Rose hissed. </p><p>He met her eyes plaintively. </p><p>“He could’ve been waiting for you Rose, he could have grabbed you, taken you anywhere, threatened you to get at me… done anything to you.”</p><p>Rose stilled, swallowing at his inference. </p><p>“Do you really think so, Doctor?” </p><p>“Rose, what other reason would he have?” the Doctor murmured, doe eyed and desperate.  </p><p>“Yeah, okay,” she replied breathily.   </p><p>“Alright Mum,” Rose continued after taking a pause to steel herself. “Who was he?” </p><p>“Elton, he said. And I thought, you don’t meet many Elton’s, do you, apart from the obvious.”</p><p>“Elton what?” the Doctor interjected.</p><p>“I dunno, he didn’t say.” </p><p>“How’d you meet him?” the Doctor continued to grill her. </p><p>“Just… normally. He was just around.”</p><p>“Where around?”</p><p>“Um- just down the launders, I ‘spose, down on the street cross the road.” </p><p>“What did he look like?”</p><p>“Blonde, nice hair, pretty fit.”</p><p>“Is that all?” the Doctor snapped. </p><p>“Well I didn’t take a photo!” Jackie snapped back. </p><p>“Stop it, the both of you!” Rose yelled. </p><p>“Alright, alright,” he jumped up and began to pace the room. “Think, think, how can we…?”  </p><p>“Doctor, there’s CCTV all-round the estate,” Rose interrupted sensibly. “Reckon you can hack into it?” </p><p>“CCTV- yes, Rose, brilliant.” </p><p>“And Mum, reckon you can remember the exact time he came ‘round?” </p><p>“Course.” </p><p>“Well then,” Rose gave him a nod and a small smile.</p><p>The Doctor nodded back, unable to help gracing her with a quirk of his lips back, despite the gravity of the situation. She really was brilliant, his Rose. </p><p>“Alright,” he clapped his hands together. “Show me where these CCTV cameras are, Rose. Jackie, with us.” </p><p>Rose led him out onto the landing outside their flat, and pointed out three within walking distance, one of which -Jackie added- was known to be working. </p><p>“Bev’s lad got done dealing in the stairway off that one the other day.” </p><p>“What, Kevin’s in the nick?” </p><p>“Blimey, look at them all- you 21st century humans aren’t half okay being surveilled, are you?” </p><p>“It’s a council estate, Doctor, not like we got much choice,” Rose crossed responded wanly, crossing her arms. </p><p>“Still, never let it be said I’m one to look a gift horse in the mouth,” the Doctor breezed, holding up his sonic to the shiny black fisheye lens and giving it a zap.</p><p>“Wasn’t gonna.”  </p><p>“Alright, now I’ve got the serial number, and the frequency. Just need access to a computer, you got one in the flat, Rose?” </p><p>She shook her head. “Always used to borrow Mickey’s.” </p><p>“Really Rose, it’s 2006- you should have a computer.” </p><p>“Well, we don’t,” she scowled defensively. </p><p>“Okay, I’ll go grab one from the TARDIS, bring it here. Rose, Jackie, go back in the flat, lock the door and don’t let anyone in, not anyone, okay? I’ll rematerialize the old girl up in Rose’s bedroom, won’t be a tick.”</p><p>“Excuse me mister, try the lounge room,” said Jackie. </p><p>“Be careful with your timing, yeah?” said Rose, squeezing his arm meaningfully. </p><p>“Yes ‘mam,” the Doctor saluted playfully. “Lounge room it is, no more than five minutes from now. Double and triple check. Promise.” </p><p>A light blush spread across Rose’s cheeks as the Doctor dashed down the stairs.</p><p>“You’re still infatuated with him, I see,” Jackie snarled at Rose as they shut the door. </p><p>“No, I’m not.” </p><p>“But far as I can tell he’s still a bloke, Rose, just like the rest. What’s gonna happen if he leaves you? You’ll have no job, no money, no experience. It’ll be Jimmy all over again, only you won’t have Mickey to pick you up this time.”</p><p>“Stop it,” Rose hissed, flopping down on the lounge.  </p><p>As promised, five minutes later the beautiful whirring sound of her home was filling the room, and the Doctor was darting out the door with a laptop under his right arm and a knot of colourful cords grasped to his chest.</p><p>“You did it!” Rose cried joyfully, jumping up to help him by taking the laptop. </p><p>“A little respect for the Lord of Time, please,” he waggled his eyebrows back at her. </p><p>The Doctor yanked the phone cord out of the wall (without asking her mother) and jammed another cable into the jack before letting the remainder of the rat’s nest of cables drop carelessly to the floor. Thumping down next to her on the lounge, he whipped on his glasses and opened up the laptop with a wild grin. </p><p>“I’m making some tea,” Jackie called from the kitchen. “How does himself take it, again?” </p><p>“Milk, six sugars and a couple of biscuits thanks Jackie!” the Doctor called back. </p><p>Rose threaded her left arm round his right, and leaned her head on his shoulder affectionately while he typed away like a mad man.  </p><p>“How comes we don’t just use the computer in the console room?” she murmured, low enough so her mother couldn’t hear.  </p><p>“We could. But I don’t particularly want to leave the flat unattended for longer than I have to. Sides, I can leave this here, after. You said you don’t have a computer, and you need one here, for times when we can’t just run back to the TARDIS. Like maybe when there’s a Slitheen or a homicidal Christmas tree blocking our speedy getaway.” </p><p>Rose pursed her lips. </p><p>“Doctor, is it weird for you, being in this flat?” </p><p>“How’d you mean?” he answered her a bit distractedly, keeping up the frantic typing with his long fingers interspersed with the odd zap from the sonic screwdriver. His dark, square glasses were sliding tenuously down his nose. </p><p>In some ways, it felt so natural to her, being here with him in the home she grew up in. But then sometimes, she looked at him in the flat, and he felt so much bigger than the room.</p><p>How could she explain that to him?</p><p>“S’just- it’s just a council flat. Was wondering what you must think coming here, ‘cause you must’ve grown up somewhere much nicer.” </p><p>The Doctor stopped what he was doing and looked at her intensely.  </p><p>“Rose, no, of course not. It’s… your family home.” </p><p>“But you did grow up somewhere nicer, yeah? Most people in London wouldn’t like to be here, let alone someone like you.” </p><p>“What do you mean, someone like me?”</p><p>Rose shook her head imperceptibly, too embarrassed to state the obvious- that he was so much better than this. Better than her. </p><p> “Yes, I grew up on… a large estate that’d been in my family for generations,” he said carefully. “It was beautiful. And I had any piece of technology I ever wanted, course I did. But I told you, I left there at eight and barely ever came back. And most of the time before that, it didn’t really feel like a family home, Rose. And I wasn’t exactly considered the ideal heir, though my family didn’t have much choice in the end. Whereas your home…”</p><p>“Yeah?” she asked, grabbing his hand and rubbing her thumb over it for him to continue.</p><p>“It’s, well, your home. I like looking at the photos of you, your things. And I’ll forever be grateful for you taking me in, that Christmas, Rose, and caring for me, and making me feel at home, too. Though I can’t forgive myself for putting you in danger.”</p><p>“Doctor, not everything is always your fault.”</p><p>“Then whose fault is it, Rose?”</p><p>“His,” she insisted. “You’re the one who saves me, Doctor. I’d be dead ten times over if it wasn’t for you.”</p><p>“Because I took you with me.”</p><p>“In case you’re forgetting, I’d ‘ve been killed in that basement in Henricks, if you weren’t there to grab my hand. Remember?”</p><p>“Spose,” the Doctor gave her a small smile, before catching her thumb with his and starting a gentle thumb war.</p><p>Rose dropped her gaze between them.</p><p>“What are you looking at, Rose Tyler?” he teased softly. “You thinking about my hands again? My manly, hairy hands?” </p><p>“Hairy, maybe. Did we settle on manly, though?” she teased back.  </p><p>“Oi!” he laughed, intensifying the thumb war until he’d firmly captured hers under his. “There it is, victory with my manly, hairy hands against your girly, dainty, soft ones. Think that proves my virility, hmm?”</p><p>Rose stuck out her tongue and collapsed into laughter as he began pulling her closer to him by her captured hand.</p><p>Then Jackie walked through the kitchen door balancing three mugs of tea and a plate of the biscuits, and the Doctor dropped her like lead.</p><p>Fixing his gaze on the computer, he begun typing nosily again, glasses slowly slipping further down his freckled nose. </p><p>“Aha!” he shouted. “There we are! Hooked into the CCTV footage. Molto bene. What time, Jackie?” </p><p>“He popped round ‘bout 5 today, Doctor, to help fix this broken fuse. Then he popped out again just when the sun was setting to pick up some pizza. Said… well, never mind now, what he said.”</p><p>The Doctor shoved a biscuit in his mouth and input the time range, crumbs spilling over the keyboard.</p><p>Suddenly he went very still again.</p><p>“Jackie, is this him?” he asked swivelling the screen round to her with a serious look on his face.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s him,” Jackie answered, just as seriously.  </p><p>“I’ve seen him before,” said the Doctor.  </p><p>“You know him?” Rose asked. </p><p>“Maybe. Maybe. I… remember when we were hunting down that alien through those warehouses round this way, Rose? The one we made…err…”</p><p>“Explode? Cover me in goo? And then I spilt my guts in front of you? Yeah, I remember.” </p><p>“The man was there,” he said, jabbing a manly, hairy finger at the photo on the screen.  </p><p>“Was he?” Rose said, trying to think back. She’d been rather distracted that day with their argument and hadn’t given anything outside the Doctor and the dangerous alien on the loose much thought.</p><p>“Definitely. I thought he’d just happened to get in the way, blundered in like your typical stupid human, and then scampered off in fear. But maybe not. Maybe he was looking for us, all along.”</p><p>“That’s not all though, Doctor. I remember now- you stopped, just after the alien exploded in my face- thanks again for that- and you asked him something. You said you’d thought you’d seen him before, even then.” </p><p>“You’re right! Third times the charm- now that’s hardly a coincidence, is it? But where did I see him before?”</p><p>“You never figured out where?” </p><p>“Nope,” he pouted, scratching an eyebrow, “But, now we’ve got a photo, and a hopefully real first name – I’ll have a wee scan of your government databases and see if we can’t track this fella down, how about that? Might take a little while, though.” </p><p>“Did you end up eating, Mum?” </p><p>“No, wasn’t gonna take anything off him, not after that.”</p><p>“I’ll cook you some dinner, then. Breakfast for me and the Doctor.” </p><p>“Oh, that’d be lovely, Rose,” cooed Jackie.  </p><p>“Alright, what d’you both fancy, then?” </p><p>“Banana pancakes?” asked the Doctor. </p><p>“Banana pancakes, for dinner?” Jackie chided. “I’ve got a nice lasagne, Rose, why don’t you pop that in the oven?”</p><p>Reflected in the black of the computer screen, Rose watched the Doctor screw up his face.  </p><p>“What, Doctor?” </p><p>“S’just not very breakfast-y, lasagne.” </p><p>“What would an alien know about breakfast?” Jackie interrupted. “Sides, it’s dinner time.” </p><p>“Rose told you, Jackie, it’s breakfast in our timestream. Don’t you listen?”</p><p>“Oh, your timestream, as if that nonsense means anything!” </p><p>“Lasagne with banana pancakes for dessert it is, then,” said Rose, walking through to the kitchen and soundly swinging the door shut behind her.</p><p>The Doctor typed away, setting up an algorithm that he could leave on in the background to scan the man’s photo against the complete database of British driver’s license photos. Course, even with a bit of a zap with the sonic, it’d still take a little while with the internet the speed it was in a council estate in 2007. Nonetheless, as long as he was in the flat he felt confident they’d be protected. </p><p>Yes, he’d give up the remainder of his lives before he’d let Rose and her mother get hurt. And he’d consider it a good death- every last one. </p><p>Pans were clashing in the kitchen and oh, how he itched to join her.</p><p>“There,” he said to Jackie. “Just leave that to run a little while, and we should have an answer to who is threatening you and Rose because of me.” </p><p>Jackie watched the Doctor rub his head through his hands again, and when he surfaced, she thought he looked tired. </p><p>“Doctor… I know I was mad at ya earlier, but it’s alright, really,” soothed Jackie. </p><p>“Nonsense, Jackie,” he replied matter-of-factly. “It’s my fault this happened to you.” </p><p>“Oh, come here you, big lug,” she said warmly and then the Doctor found himself on the receiving end of a big hug and a wet kiss on the cheek. </p><p>He squirmed out of her arms, calling for Rose. </p><p>Clomping his was through to the kitchen, the Doctor leaned against the green Formica counter and watched Rose move about the space, trying to imagine her there, throughout her short years, living an ordinary human life without him. </p><p>Would she be back here, someday soon, cooking in this kitchen for someone else? </p><p>Or would she meet someone on another planet, another time, and never come back?</p><p>Still, Rose was here for now, with him. They were both here, in this time, this place, together. </p><p>“Can I help?” he asked, unable to keep from wrapping his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her head and peering into the bowl.</p><p>“Running away from my mother, are you?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>She must have been able to feel his partial erection rubbing insistently, inappropriately across her bottom. But mercifully she didn’t chide him for it, for which he was very grateful. </p><p>Although she hadn’t yet, he still half expected her to be disgusted by his attentions, damning him as a desperate, dirty old alien. Still, he’d taken the affection when he could. </p><p>“Alright, well, help me make up the pancake batter for later, then? There’s some bananas over there you can start chopping.”</p><p>“With pleasure,” the Doctor said, popping the first bite directly into his mouth. </p><p>Rose started whisking the ingredients together and then brought the bowl over to him, motioning for him to pour the banana pieces in. </p><p>“Are you really worried that worried about this man, then?” she asked softly as she stirred them in, still standing within a footstep of him. </p><p>“Yes,” he glowered down at her.</p><p>“He’s just one man, though, and it didn’t sound like he was violent.”</p><p>“Rose, you of all people know… they don’t always seem violent at first. I have brought you and your mother into danger, just by knowing you, and I can’t let you get hurt. I can’t, I can’t.”</p><p>She frowned and leaned across him to put the bowl down, before bringing him into her arms. </p><p>“Come on, it’s okay…” she murmured as she rocked him back and forth in the little kitchen. </p><p>“Rose,” he sobbed into her neck.</p><p>“I’m here, Doctor. I’m here for you.”</p><p>He suddenly broke contact, stepping back and surreptitiously wiping at his eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he chuckled self-deprecatingly, throat still thick with water.</p><p>“Don’t be,” she said, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Come on now. Try the batter for me?” </p><p>Rose scooped up a spoonful and held it up to his mouth. He took her hand to guide the spoon in.</p><p>“Mmm,” he smacked his lips, “Molto bene, Rose.”</p><p>Before long they were all eating the lasagne together at the dining table, and then heading back to the kitchen to cook the combined desert-breakfast pancakes the Doctor had requested. He took great delight in attempting to flip them high in the air and catching them in the pan.</p><p>“Oi,” Jackie said, as he dropped the second bunch on the element. “Quit wasting money. S’like you were raised in the jungle.”</p><p>“Ha,” the Doctor said, “Quite the opposite, actually.” </p><p>“Oh yeah? How’d you end up with no manners, then?” </p><p>“Manners are a cultural construct, Jackie. Maybe this is the height of sophistication for my people. Besides, I’m having fun.” </p><p>Rose laughed. </p><p>“Don’t you encourage him!” Jackie scolded.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the middle of the night, local time. Jackie had gone to bed, with the Doctor having to explain for a third time that Rose and he had just woken up and again, relatively speaking, it was round about midday for them and yes, they would be continuing their search for the mysterious Elton on her couch.  </p><p>Rose leaned quietly against his shoulder while he sat watching the computer on his lap. In front of them, the television lowly blazed.</p><p>“You really look good in the glasses, you know,” she smiled, turning her head slightly to look up at him. </p><p>“Really?” he raised an eyebrow, feeling a slight heat run across his pale, freckled cheeks.</p><p>“Really,” she growled, leaning up to kiss his jaw, his cheek, his ear- anything within reach. </p><p>Before long, her kisses turned into nibbles, and her right leg was sliding over his left one. He hauled her up to straddle his lap, before sliding slowly onto his back. The weight of her sprawled above him was heady. </p><p>Arms wrapped around her lower back, lips locked, legs intertwined, they melted into one another. Rose moaned above him and ground her pelvis against his hip. The Doctor reached two hands down to grope and squeeze the roundness of her bottom. She felt amazing. </p><p>“You’re gorgeous,” he muttered. “So soft and round.”</p><p>“Oh god, Doctor,” she panted around his lips between kisses and nibbles, grinding against him again. </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he moaned, glasses askew. </p><p>“I want you so much,” she groaned back.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Want to see?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Rose unzipped her pants and guided his right hand inside her knickers until he was cupping her hot, wet folds. He could feel her practically drenching his palm as he played with her. </p><p>“So wet,” he muttered, staring at where his hand disappeared between her legs.</p><p>“All yours,” Rose mumbled into his lips. “Please.”</p><p>“Oh yes,” he panted. “This is all mine. My sweet Rose. I want… I want…” </p><p>“It’s okay. You can tell me,” she said, kindly. </p><p>“I want to make you come on my hand,” he said shyly. </p><p>“Oh god,” she groaned, riding his fingers helplessly, “I want to.” </p><p>“But we can’t, here,” he said. </p><p>She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and reached down to brush her palm over his tented erection. The Doctor sucked in a gasp of breath through his teeth.</p><p>“We could go into my bedroom?” she purred, lips centimetres from his. </p><p>“We shouldn’t.”</p><p>“Shouldn’t?” she whispered.</p><p>“I shouldn’t. Mmm, Rose. It wouldn’t, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”</p><p>“We could go up to the roof, then?” </p><p>He shook his head. “I can’t leave your mother, it isn’t safe.”</p><p>“Okay,” she said, beginning to untangle them. “I understand.” </p><p>She sounded a little disappointed, but like she was trying to hide it from him. He kissed the back of her head tenderly as they sat back up.</p><p>“Spose you’re just worried about us breaking the coffee table for a third time, right Doctor?” she offered a little more warmly, and he was pleased for the olive branch. </p><p>“Oh, Rose Tyler, now wouldn’t fucking you have been a better way to break it? Still, think that first time rolling around on the floor with you might’ve been the highlight of my previous life,” the Doctor said blithely as he re-adjusted himself. “That ugly old mug didn’t get too many other chances in his short time for copping a handful of a beautiful young blonde.”</p><p>But to his surprise Rose just frowned. </p><p>“Don’t speak about him like that,” she said quietly, dropping his gaze.</p><p>“Come on, Rose. Don’t tell me you’d ‘ve let my old body inside you.”</p><p>“Did you not- Do you think- I…”</p><p>“I just mean, I’m glad I look closer to your age, now.”</p><p>“He was… I… I thought he was dead attractive,” Rose stuttered, then, for some reason unbeknownst to the Doctor, visibly blanched in front of his very eyes.</p><p>“What, did you really?” he asked sceptically. </p><p>“Look, he meant a lot to me, okay, so just don’t talk about him like that,” she snapped. He was surprised at the venom in her voice.</p><p>“Rose, we’re the same man.”</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“He, he, he cared about me. He did.”</p><p>“Rose…“ </p><p>But before he could finish the computer dinged. </p><p>“Oh. Oh no,” said the Doctor.</p><p>On the screen a match had flashed. The photo taken from the CCTV footage outside the flat was listed as belonging to one Elton Pope. </p><p>Beside him, he felt Rose shift. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away.</p><p>Another few clicks, and he’d brought more records for Elton Pope up on the screen. Namely, Social Services records for a young boy who had gone into care aged eight and bounced around group homes until he was eighteen. </p><p>The Doctor’s jaw tightened.</p><p>“What is it?” she asked, correctly reading his mood as usual and shifting back to her usual compassion. </p><p>Sometimes it was if she could see right through him. Right down to his very marrow.</p><p>“Rose, he was… the name, I remember, now- he wouldn’t talk at first but I had to have him give it to them, over the phone, before they’d come. Social Services. That night I failed to save his mother. And I used you, shamelessly, for comfort. He was the boy, the little boy.”</p><p>He heard her swallow, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t look at her. Wasn’t brave enough to see her reaction to his twin admittances. </p><p>“So what… he’s looking for us cause he wants revenge on you?” he heard her ask tremulously after a bit of a pause.  </p><p>“Maybe,” the Doctor replied, jiggling his knee. “Maybe he just wants to know what happened to his mother, all those years ago.”</p><p>He could practically feel her quizzical look. </p><p>“At that age, perhaps he remembers a little, but not enough to be certain… and it haunts him,” he explained.  </p><p>“You think that’s worse? Then not remembering at all?” </p><p>“Hmmm,” he murmured, staring into the distance.  </p><p>He didn’t know the answer. </p><p>But what an undeserved pleasure it was, to have someone by his side who understood the question. </p><p>“Even if that’s so,” Rose continued with more certainty, “That doesn’t give him any right to scare mum.” </p><p>The Doctor straightened his shoulders and turned to meet her eyes again.  He owed her that much at least.</p><p>“No. Tell you what, why don’t we have a chat to him tomorrow?”</p><p>“But… what if he does want revenge, Doctor?” </p><p>“Then we still need to have a chat. You take the lead, Rose, see what motive you can suss out of him, what kind of man he is, what he remembers. He might be more receptive to you.” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>“Because you’re kind, and beautiful, and sweet. Because you’re a young woman, and less threatening.” He watched the shy smile spread across her cheeks before adding more darkly, “Because you aren’t a half-remembered spectre from the nightmare of his childhood.” </p><p>And didn't that wipe the happiness right from her expression?</p><p>“Doctor,” she swallowed, placing her hands on his and looking softly into his eyes. “You aren’t someone’s nightmare.” </p><p>He shook her hands off his, unable to speak. </p><p>It was up to Rose to continue on the conversation when it became clear to her he couldn't. </p><p>“And if he does just want to know what happened to his mother?” she asked, voice thin. </p><p>“Then I’ll tell him,” he answered. </p><p>“Will you be alright to?”</p><p>“Course I will. I’m always alright.” </p><p>Rose huffed. </p><p>“Well. I’ll have to be.” </p><p>“You were distraught, that night. You-”</p><p>“He deserves to know, Rose,” the Doctor cut in sharply before she could describe in her own words how she’d perceived his ill-treatment of her.  “I know what I did to him. To you. But he deserves to know. Provided he’s not out to destroy the world because of it.”</p><p>No, he didn't think he could bear to hear her shock, her disgust. Her fear?</p><p>“That’s not…” </p><p>“It’s not what?” he demanded haughtily. </p><p>He watched imperiously as she dropped her gaze to her empty palms, cradled on knees. </p><p>“You just suss out his motivation and then we’ll decide whether it’s safe to tell him or not, yes, Rose?” </p><p>“Yeah, but…”</p><p>“Right, that’s enough. I’m going to use the TARDIS to lock onto his next known location. Coming?” </p><p>There were no flight lessons that trip.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose watched the Doctor looking grimly down at the screen as he materialised the TARDIS. </p><p>“Found him. And he’s not alone,” the Doctor said to her, voice devoid of his usual warmth. “I’ll go out first, assess the situation. Stand by the door and listen, and don’t come out till I tell you so.” </p><p>She nodded at him, following his direction to stand out of sight and watching him stride out, swinging the door firmly shut behind him with some force. She couldn’t see anything, but she could hear him. </p><p>“Someone wants a word with you,” he said. </p><p>Rose took that as her cue to enter. She decided to channel her anger, both at the threat to her mother and at the Doctor’s cold dismissal, into her own stride. </p><p>A blonde, average looking bloke who she took to be Elton was kneeling on the ground in front of her. Beside him, a big, ugly green alien stood looking menacingly at the Doctor, the TARDIS and herself. But in her peripheral vision she could see that the Doctor was relatively unconcerned by the alien, and she trusted his judgement with her life. </p><p>“You upset my mum,” she said to Elton. </p><p>And then the alien was making his threats, and the Doctor was doing his usual thing- a drawling, distracting nattering which he used to throw the enemy of balance, make himself seem more of a fool than a threat, and henceforth get them to admit things and make mistakes.</p><p>It was a clever strategy, and by now Rose was used to playing her part in it. So she joined the conversation, helping him volley his deceptive words back and forth, though it didn’t feel as fun as it usually did today. </p><p>“You’ll surrender yourself to me, Doctor, or this one dies,” said the alien. “You see I’ve read, about you, Doctor. I’ve studied you. So passionate, so sweet. You wouldn’t let an innocent man die. And I’ll absorb him, unless you give yourself to me.” </p><p>But there was something about the Doctor’s attitude that was giving her slight pause. He was being unusually callous today, and she could tell that Elton and the alien were buying it. She wondered if perhaps the alien was skirting a little too close to how the Doctor really thought of himself for his own liking- that he wasn’t sweet, or nice, or passionate at all. </p><p>When Rose knew this was the farthest thing from the truth.</p><p>His sweetness, his kindness, his passion- they’d always been some of the biggest things that had drawn her to him. </p><p>If she could make one indelible mark on him during her time spent by his side, she hoped it’d be convincing him of that. </p><p>And then she was watching Elton’s friends die, and hearing in his voice that one of them- Ursula- was more than a mere friend. And Elton cared, he really cared. He wasn’t a monster, out for revenge. He was just a person in love, like she was. </p><p>And he’d just watched the love of his life die in front of him. How many times had she almost watched the Doctor die? And wouldn’t she have done anything, anything to save him?</p><p>She walked over to Elton. </p><p>The Doctor felt his shabbily erected wall of cold indifference splinter and fall to pieces as he watched Rose enfold Elton in the soft, warm benediction of her sweet embrace. </p><p>He could see her rubbing Elton's shoulders while he cried, pressing her breast against his back in comfort. Kissing his shoulder. God, how that felt. </p><p>Did Elton yet understand her beneficence? The privilege and joy of being wrapped in Rose Tyler’s arms? </p><p>She was fierceness, she was strength. She was righteousness. And she was true, true passion, and kindness, and warmth. </p><p>And then, still holding Elton in her arms, she turned to set her gaze upon his own retched self.</p><p>Her eyes were beseeching him, and the simple truth of her gaze near brought him to his knees. Those big, brown eyes told him that she’d made a decision about Elton’s motivation, and that Elton was not out for revenge but rather a good and decent man. They told him she’d made this decision based on Elton’s reaction to the woman’s death. They told him that Rose Tyler thought any man who loved a woman like this could not be a monster. </p><p>Even though he tended to agree with her assessment on Elton’s motivation, the Doctor wanted to shake her roughly and make her understand how wrong the evidence she used to get there was. </p><p>Loving someone truly, wholly, absolutely, did not preclude a man from acting monstrously.</p><p>Her eyes also told him that he needed to tell Elton the truth about his mother, that Elton needed to know, deserved to know. That the Doctor needed to be brave, and strong, now. That despite his bluster, she understood, oh, she understood how much it would hurt him to tell the story, and that she felt for him, too, and wished she could take his pain away though she knew she couldn’t. </p><p>No, he didn’t deserve this woman. </p><p>But he could try to deserve her. So he borrowed some of her strength and they sat down together and talked about Elton’s mother. The Doctor tried to tell him as much information as possible. He thought about how much he wished someone had told him the truth- told him anything really- about how his own mother had died. How he wished Rose was there to hold him when he found out, as she was now holding Elton.</p><p>And that’s when he had the idea to bring Ursula back. </p><p>He couldn’t save Elton’s mother, but he could save his lover. </p><p>Leaving Elton and a reanimated Ursula weeping happily, the Doctor placed his hand on Rose’s slender waist and guided her back inside the TARDIS. </p><p>She walked up the ramp in front of him to seat herself on the jump seat while he silently flung the ship back into the vortex. </p><p>When all was done, he took a seat beside her and wrapped her in a tight, desperate hug.</p><p>“Oooft,” she laughed lightly from within his arms. “Hey there, you silly man.”</p><p>“Oh Rose,” he mumbled into her crown.  </p><p>“There, there,” she said, rubbing his back. “I know that was hard for you.”</p><p>“It’s over.” </p><p>“I know. D’you feel better now, for telling him?”</p><p>“I’m just so thankful you’re safe,” he choked out. </p><p>Rose pulled back a little at that, and he could see her eyebrows were raised slightly in a look of surprise.</p><p>“You were really worried about me, weren’t you?” </p><p>“Of course I was. Rose, he had a photo of you. He’d been to your flat…” </p><p>She cupped his cheek with her right hand, and looked soulfully into his eyes. </p><p>“Hey, hey. I’m okay,” she soothed. </p><p>He pressed his cheek further into the hand which was cupping him, nuzzling it with his nose and placing a gentle peck on the apple of her palm. </p><p>After a while he sighed and reluctantly made them part.</p><p>“We should go back to the flat to let your mother know everything’s alright, sweetheart.” </p><p>“Yeah, we should. Thanks, Doctor.” </p><p>He parked the TARDIS back in the grey concrete courtyard of Bucknell House. They walked together up to the flat, hand in hand. Night was swiftly falling again- they'd really been skating across different time tracks today. </p><p>Beside him, Rose was chewing her lip as if something was on her mind. </p><p>“Did we do the right thing, bringing her back like that?” she blurted out finally.</p><p>“We saved her life,” he answered. </p><p>“But what kind of life is that, Doctor?”</p><p>“They’ll be together.” </p><p>Rose snorted. “Will they?”</p><p>“We asked them both, before we did it. They both said they wanted to.” </p><p>“In the moment they thought that, maybe. But what happens when he gets bored of a woman with no body?” </p><p>“You think he’d get bored of her? If he loved her, he’d want her to be alive, no matter what she looked like.”</p><p>Rose sighed, in a way that made him think he was failing her but couldn’t quite grasp how. </p><p>“I dunno, Doctor. It’s not just about what she looks like. She can’t move, Doctor, she’s entirely dependent on him. What if, ten years from now, he meets someone else, and he just leaves her in some cupboard somewhere? Or he does something worse?” </p><p>He furrowed his brow, trying to understand her perspective. “I take it you think because she’s physically dependent on him, he’ll be abusive.” </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do.” </p><p>“Lots of people end up paralysed and dependent on their partner. Believe me, I saw enough of it, during the war. How is this any different?” </p><p>“So ‘ave I, growing up on the estate, and I know what it’s like, sometimes.”</p><p>“So you think because the power differential of their relationship lends her vulnerable to abuse, I should have just let her die?”</p><p>“No! I’m not saying that.”</p><p>“Isn’t a chance at a happy life better than certain death?”</p><p>“I’m not saying it’s not, just, I dunno. I feel… I’m worried about her, I’m worried about them. I’m worried whether we did the right thing, Doctor. And it’s we, Doctor, not I- we did that. You might have had the knowledge to do it, but I chose to leave her with him as much as you did.”</p><p>It was the Doctor’s turn to sigh. He understood, now.</p><p>“I take your point. Points. There isn’t always an easy answer, is there?” he said.   </p><p>Rose dragged his hand up to her lips to kiss it. “No, but at least we tried.”</p><p>“Making those decisions. The weight of it- it’s horrible. It’s better with two,” he stuttered. “Better with you, actually.”</p><p>She smiled. </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Yes,” he said with certainty.</p><p>“Fancy getting a drink with me somewhere?” she asked. “I don’t feel like going back to the flat just yet.” </p><p>“What about your mother?” </p><p>“Just one drink, down the pub round that corner, my treat. I’ll text her, tell her everything’s safe now and we’ll bring some fish and chips back for dinner.” </p><p>“Well then, lead the way, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor smiled.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose led him down the block to a dingy old pub and gestured for him to grab them a softly lit booth on the far corner of the ground floor. </p><p>She came back from the bar with two tall glasses of beer and slid in the seat opposite to him. Between them, a paltry candle blazed.</p><p>The Doctor shot her a shy smile across the table and told her that she looked beautiful in the candlelight, and asked would she mind very much if he sketched her in all her beauty, and then began doodling away on the napkin with a pencil he’d procured from an annoyed waitress.</p><p>“So, this is your local, is it?” he asked, taking a sip of his glass while he sketched.</p><p>“Yep,” she answered, watching his hands move nimbly across the napkin. “Used to bunk off School with Mickey and Shireen and our fake IDs and head here, till they kicked us out. Just before I met you, this was date night with Mickey and whatever match was on.”</p><p>“How romantic,” he drawled. </p><p>“Yeah, well, that’s what I thought. ‘Spose I’m hardly one to talk though. My first chance to take you somewhere, and look where I take you.” </p><p>He smiled at that. “Where else would you take me, if I were a human man, and you were taking me on a date?” </p><p>“Dunno,” she shrugged good humouredly. “The roof of our flat? The playground round the corner? Wish I had a good answer to that, but the truth is I never did go anywhere interesting till I met you.” </p><p>“Well, I don’t mind this. I’ve never had this kind of life.” the Doctor replied, shooting her another shy smile. </p><p>“Yeah?” she asked shyly back. </p><p>“Mmm. So, what happens next on a normal, human-y date with Rose Tyler?” </p><p>“Well, I suppose we’d have a couple more beers. If I got my way, maybe we’d get up and do a bit of dancing or some karaoke. And, like I said, if Mickey got his way, of course we’d just be sitting and watching the match all night.” </p><p>It was enjoyable, he thought, imagining he was really a human man with her. She introduced him to new experiences, too, taught him things he’d never thought he’d know. He wanted to know more, imagine more, very desperately. </p><p>“And then what?” the Doctor enquired while he continued sketching. </p><p>“I dunno. Back to Mickey’s flat for a disappointing shag?” </p><p>He gave her a small smirk, pleased at receiving confirmation of what he’d always supposed. </p><p>“Mind, this is where I met Jimmy, too. He was playing on that stage.”</p><p>The Doctor froze. </p><p>“Weren’t you afraid you’d see him again? Coming back here?” he couldn’t help but ask her. </p><p>“Nah. We moved to this bedsit ‘cross the other end of London pretty quick after I met him, and besides, he ended up in jail for a few years after we broke up.”</p><p>“He only got a few years for what he did to you?”</p><p>“What? No, he didn’t get done for that. He got caught dealing.”</p><p>“Rose- you didn’t press charges?” </p><p>“Course not.”</p><p>“Didn’t anyone ever call the police? I’ve seen your scars, Rose, I know how much pain you would have been in, that night. You must have been screaming.” </p><p>Rose swallowed and looked down at the bench top. </p><p>“Once… I ended up having to go to A&amp;E, after, and I ‘spose it was obvious with my injuries that it had been my boyfriend, and the hospital reported it. But ‘part from that, no.”</p><p>“Well, what was their excuse? Your neighbours, I mean- I take it this happened in your home? How could they leave you to that?</p><p>“They were scared of him, Doctor. He was scary.”</p><p>“That’s no excuse. You needed help.”</p><p>“You would think like that, Doctor. You’d ‘ve helped me, I know that.” </p><p>“So would’ve you.” </p><p>“Yeah,” she smiled. “Yeah, it’s been good, being able to help people, with you.” </p><p>And it was true. She threw herself into all kinds of danger to help people who needed help, with little care for censure from authority or danger to her person. Was this where that selfless drive she had to help had all started? He wanted to crack her open like an egg and devour the very yolk of her, so he might know her fully. </p><p>But he couldn’t shake off the thought that someone should have helped her, then. All those people she helped, how was it fair that no one had helped her?</p><p>“After the hospital reported it, Rose- didn’t the police want you to press charges?”</p><p>“Doctor, I was only seventeen, even at the end of it- I couldn’t go through all that. Besides, I loved him.”</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he sighed and began to steel himself to voice something he didn’t really want to voice. </p><p>But he needed to. She deserved to be helped.</p><p>“You did well, today. Really, you were fierce and clever. Thinking of checking the CCTV, realising the alien was from nearby Raxicoricofallipitorius- which then helped me think about he could be defeated. So many other things, too. And you were compassionate, even to someone who had threatened you. God, but I don’t think you know how much I admire that about you.”</p><p> “Thanks, Doctor,” she said, looking so genuinely pleased by his praise it broke his hearts.</p><p>“But I wasn’t any of those things. I panicked, and I was cold and angry. To you. So what I’m asking is- Am I… do I scare you?” he asked hesitantly. “Cause Rose, what we were talking about earlier- there is that power differential between us, too.” </p><p>“No, no, of course you don’t scare me.” </p><p>“Are you sure about that, Rose?” </p><p>“Okay, yeah, I was hurt, you dismissed me like that today. But you did it because you were worried about me, and felt guilty about the little boy. That doesn’t make you like Jimmy, believe me.”</p><p>“Perhaps… perhaps you just can’t come to terms with it, now, but later you’ll realise…” </p><p>“Doctor…” she stopped and paused, as if she was thinking. “I got quite scared of you, you know, when I first met you.” </p><p>“You did?” he replied smally, feeling as if the walls were crashing down around him and he was being suffocated, suffocated and he deserved that way to go. It was good, it was right, it was proper that this was coming out but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.</p><p>She fiddled with her hands.</p><p>“Yeah. Out in that alleyway, when you asked me to go with you the first time. I wanted to, so badly. And then Mickey’s words… it made me think, not that you were a thing- cause you’re not, you weren’t- but that I was rushing off again with a man I thought I knew but I didn’t, really. Even though it felt so right.”</p><p>She looked up at him, gauging his reaction. He nodded at her to go on. </p><p>“And then you left, and I thought that’s it, I’d done it. I saw the rest of my life stretching out in front of me. Working in a shop, going to the pub with Mickey, grinning and bearing our relationship ‘cause he was my mate, and he wouldn’t hurt me, but I wasn’t in love with him. I’d sentenced myself to this life where I was safe, but I wasn’t doing anything, feeling anything.” </p><p>“Coming back for you, Rose… I’m so glad I did.” </p><p>“I’m so glad you did too. So, so glad. But then, on Platform One, I was talking to this woman, she was a plumber. So I felt like, among all these posh people in the future, there’s still someone like me, yeah? And she asked me what I was doing here, and so I told her- I’d just hitched a ride with this older bloke I’d just met. And she looked like she was horrified for me.” </p><p>“Oh, Rose. I didn’t know that had happened.” </p><p>“I was so frightened, Doctor. I thought I’d done it again, that I’d put myself in this situation where you could do anything you wanted to me and I was so far away from home and there was nothing I could do about it, if you wanted to hurt me. I had no money, no transport, knew nobody- it was the same situation I’d put myself with Jimmy but a million times worse. I kept thinking about Jabe calling me your prostitute. I think I went and bailed you up, asking you who you were and why your ship was messing with my head- and of course you were upset at that, it was just after the war for you, wasn’t it? Only I didn’t know then why you were so angry and I panicked about you leaving me there.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he rushed out piteously, “If I had known what you’d been through, how I was frightening you…” </p><p>“No, I mean like- the point is, you didn’t. You could’ve hurt me, a million times over, but you didn’t. You supercharged my phone so I could speak to my mother. Even if she couldn’t help me, being so far away- Jimmy tried to stop me from talking to everyone back home. You waited till we’d been friends for years to sleep with me, and even though I was naked and weak in your arms- you stopped and asked me if I was sure, if I really wanted it. You didn’t just, keep on at me about it or… take it. Do you understand?”</p><p>He swallowed. </p><p>“It’s not something that makes me a… of course you deserve that. Any person does.”</p><p>“I know, but… not everyone thinks like that. I guess I just want you to know that you don’t scare me. I feel safe with you, genuinely safe. I trust you with my life.”</p><p>“Except, the very next trip I took you on, I let you get kidnapped by a man who sexually assaulted you, Rose, and I didn’t do anything about it, I didn’t even say a word of reproach to him about it, I should have defended your honour if I was any kind of a man at all but I think I was just a little shocked at the way you were so fiercely calling him out about it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just, that I’m not used to people talking about it so frankly. And then when you were worried about the young girl in his care- I didn’t listen to you, I shouted at you, and I got her killed.”</p><p>Rose reached over to squeeze his hand across the table.  </p><p>“You didn’t let anything happen. You rescued me from him, and yeah, I don’t think you should have yelled at me ‘bout Gwyneth, but you did it because you thought you were saving a whole race of people from extinction. People who manipulated your guilt ‘cause you were hurt, really hurt in the war, weren’t you? Saving everyone in the universe, including me.  And maybe I happened to be right, but that was just luck, cause all I was thinking about was this poor, uneducated woman who thought she loved something but didn’t know enough to know her own mind and how much danger she was really in.”</p><p>“You saw yourself in her.” </p><p>“Don’t know how much I was aware of it then either. But it doesn’t matter, see, ‘cause Gwyneth was right. She might have been uneducated compared to me, but she knew her own mind and she deserved the chance to make her own decisions. Even if they were wrong. And you thought so too, at the time.”</p><p>The Doctor had the good grace to look chagrined and emotional at the same time, like he was barley holding onto himself by this point of the conversation. </p><p>“I believe you’re trying to tell me something, Rose Tyler,” he replied, voice thick.   </p><p>“Is it working? And, another thing I want you to know - all those things you said today about yourself- I know you don’t always think so, but you are kind, and sweet, and passionate. Kindness and passion are the very core of you, Doctor.” </p><p>He shook his head, feeling tears prick his eyes. </p><p>“I want that to be true… but, Rose...”  </p><p>“Don’t… don’t, hey. Maybe just take my word for this one, yeah? Haven’t we had enough sadness for today?”</p><p>“Quite right too,” he shook off the mood. “And now, my lady, your portrait is complete.” </p><p>Rose looked at it. He’d drawn her across the booth from him, in all her animation and passion, as only a lover could. </p><p>“Oh my god, Doctor. I can’t believe I didn’t know. You can really draw.” </p><p>“Told you. Superior Time Lord proprioception.” </p><p>Rose rolled her eyes at him. “’Cept you’ve made me look too beautiful by half, you silly Time Lord.” </p><p>“No, I haven’t.” </p><p>She held it closer to her face, and then, un-self-consciously, grasped it to her chest beside her heart. </p><p>“Doctor… will you- would you… sign it for me?” </p><p>His lip quirked up and he held out his palm, wiggling his fingers. Rose passed the drawing back over.</p><p>Quickly, the Doctor’s hands moved in a series of smooth, perfectly rounded concentric circles. Rose watched this avidly. </p><p>He slid the drawing back across the table to her. </p><p>She looked at it seriously, tracing the round symbols with her index finger. He suspected she’d recognise the writing as his own language from the various pieces of signage, post-it notes and assorted scribbles strewn throughout the TARDIS.</p><p>“There,” he said evenly, leaning to stretch across the booth and point at the first circle with the pencil. “That’s today’s date and coordinates.” </p><p>He moved the pen across. “And that’s my name. And that’s yours.” </p><p>“Like on the screen in the console room. This is your language.” </p><p>“Yep,” he popped.</p><p>“Is it just called Gallifreyan?”</p><p>“Yep.” </p><p>“I thought maybe… is there just one language, not lots of different languages, like on Earth?”</p><p>“Just the one. Though there were High and Low forms in use by my time. And a few different scripts. That’s Circular Gallifreyan.”</p><p>“Why’s that?” </p><p>He smiled, genuinely enthused with her usual thirst for knowledge. She soaked up interesting information like a sponge. Yes, she was wasted in the education system afforded to her by her time and situation. Sometimes he liked to speculate where she could have ended up, in different circumstances, with so much raw potential. </p><p>Regardless, he hoped her adventures with him would be the education of a lifetime. </p><p>She could end up somewhere so important, when she was done with him. Perhaps she’d someday head up UNIT, making sure they were acting more often with compassion and less often with guns. Perhaps she could go into government and use her empathy for all forms of life to make a better decision then Harriet Jones had made on that fateful day. </p><p>“A long, long time before my time we had different languages in different regions,” he began to explain. “A lot of our early history was lost, but we do know that much. Think though, what has happened to your world in just the last hundred years, and what would happen to a planet after millennia of technological development like that- distance is erased more and more, different people communicate more and more. Cultural convergence.” </p><p>The Doctor paused, sighting the quick flash of expression across Rose’s face that had meant he’d lost her, but she was trying to hide it. </p><p>“Convergence. It means, things coming together. Becoming more similar. Now, you can choose to protect each culture, like your country has done, right? You start off asking everyone to speak one language, but then people start to think there’s value in other cultures and reintroduce languages like Welsh into schools. Well, my people went the other way- we thought it right that so-called inferior customs fell away, we let things converge, and there was really just one planetary culture and language by the end.”</p><p>“What was that like?” </p><p>“Very boring, sweetheart.” </p><p>“Writing like this- it looks so complicated, though.” </p><p>“We’re lords of time, we have a lot more tenses, than you- those little circles are time signifiers. S’what makes it complicated, mostly.”  </p><p>“Is it difficult to translate my name?”</p><p>“A little. It’s not a phonetic translation- that means I haven’t translated the sounds from your name to the sounds in my language, cause they’re too different. Rather, I chose two words with similar meaning. See this?” he pointed, “It’s a word that roughly means home maker or home builder, similar to your surname’s original meaning in the Old French and Middle English, an occupational name for a builder.” </p><p>“And this?” </p><p>“A very beautiful flower that grows wild on the hills of my family’s estate.”</p><p>Rose blushed. </p><p>“Will you say it?” </p><p>He did. It sounded lilting and musical, and she didn’t think she’d ever be able to reproduce it. </p><p>“And your name?” </p><p>He obliged.</p><p>“Thank you, for sharing that with me. I know… well, I can’t imagine…” </p><p>“Come here,” the Doctor said, and sidled across to Rose in the booth before kissing her softly on the mouth. </p><p>Rose smiled against his lips. </p><p>And with that he realised, it was the first time he’d kissed her in public. An ordinary human date, down the pub round the street. With an extraordinary human woman.</p><p>How fitting it was that both her names meant home to him.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back in the flat, after fish and chips, Rose was falling asleep against him on the couch. By this point, jumping around a few different time tracks, they’d been up slightly longer than typically dictated by her species’ circadian rhythm. The perils of travel in time and space.  </p><p>“Jackie, I think Rose should kip in her room tonight,” he murmured to her mother across the room. </p><p>“Mmm, I’m okay,” Rose mumbled into his shoulder. “Let’s go back to the TARDIS.”</p><p>“Oh, well,” said Jackie, “’Spose madam thinks she’s too good for the flat, now she’s got a better option. ”</p><p>“Jackie,” the Doctor growled in warning.  </p><p>He understood Rose there was more insecurity than malice behind Jackie’s jabs, but there were certain ways he wouldn’t stand to hear Rose spoken about in front of him. He wasn’t about to let her be cowered or made to feel small just for wanting something different from the life she’d led before. </p><p>Rose was his mate, and he’d protect her to the end of her days. </p><p>In whatever way necessary.</p><p>“But her room’s right there, I made it up and all,” Jackie pouted.  </p><p>“I know,” he soothed. “Up and off to bed in your old room now, Rose.”</p><p>“You’ll stay?” she mumbled, fisting a sleepy hand into his jacket.</p><p>“I’ll be right here on the lounge,” he said, jostling her a little to bring her back into awareness before she said something to give the altered state of their relationship away. “I’ve some things to work on.”</p><p>“Alright,” she said stretching. “Goodnight, Doctor. Goodnight, Mum.” </p><p>In the dark of the flat, when all the lights had gone out Rose and Jackie slumbered, the Doctor opened the laptop again and typed in “Jimmy Stone.” </p><p>He poured through the information he found, the harsh phosphor glow of the screen illuminating the usually elegantly sculptured planes of his face into cruel angles.  He might not have defended her when he should have from Sneed. Might not be able to go back on her timeline and save it from happening at all like he wanted to. But he could do this, now.</p><p>There were a few criminal charges for public intoxication, criminal damages and distribution of an illegal narcotic. And an unfiled report for assault with intent on causing grievous bodily harm on one Rose Tyler. No, he wouldn’t open that file, wouldn’t violate her privacy like that, though he itched to know every detail of what had happened to her. </p><p>But most seriously, he found that Jimmy Stone was now out of prison, with a current address listed as his mother’s flat on the Powell Estate.</p><p>At around five in the morning, the Doctor popped out of Rose and Jackie’s flat to quickly sonic a cash machine, making sure their front door was carefully locked behind him.</p><p>When Jackie had been criticising Rose the other day, he’d noted that she’d made a point of saying that neither of them had any money. The Doctor wasn’t entirely sure at first why it would matter to Jackie that he didn’t have any money. But then he remembered, in some human cultures the custom was for the suitor to buy gifts for his beloved and her family. Maybe Jackie had guessed his intent. </p><p>In fact, he was pretty sure he remembered his mother decrying the lack of gifts from his father as further evidence he didn’t really love her. And actually, Rose had seemed angry, hadn’t she, when he’d pointed out she didn’t have a computer in the flat. He’d given her an old one, but perhaps he’d been expected to buy that? Perhaps Jackie had noticed him mistreating her daughter according to this human custom, to add to the long list of other ways he was harmful to her. </p><p>If that was a problem, well then, easily solved- he could get money, anytime he wanted to. And it’d give him some time to take care of the other, more immediate problem. </p><p>Running back up to the flat two stairs at a time, the Doctor quickly checked Jackie was still asleep before creeping into Rose’s room.  </p><p>She was slumbering softly, quilt tucked under her chin and a gentle expression gracing her round, youthful features. </p><p>With greedy eyes the Doctor paused to trace the sooty blackness of her lashes, resting in gentle repose on those pink cheeks, the delicate slope of her buttoned nose, the full, red lips gathered together in a sweet cupid’s bow…</p><p>Unable to stop himself, he moved closer to brush the hair from her forehead and lingered to caress her there a little. Never coming inside properly, just imagining. </p><p>Rose shifted slightly, and the magenta sheets slipped down to bare a pair of shapely shoulders which had entranced him ever since she’d worn that lovely sleeveless dress for him in Cardiff. He stroked her temple some more to these thoughts until his growing erection unnerved him.  </p><p>Turning his attention to her bedside table, he picked up her wallet up and placed within it the wad of banknotes acquired via sonic device. But before he set it back down again, he saw that underneath had been resting the picture he’d drawn of her that night. The Doctor smiled, lifting it up to gaze upon her beauty in that moment again. Then he noticed that there was another piece of paper underneath it. </p><p>On ordinary notepaper, Rose had seemingly painstakingly redrawn the Gallifreyan words he’d shown her. The curves of each circle were shakier than his, as her species lacked the density of mechanosensory neurons necessary to produce a perfectly smooth line as a regular feature of writing. However, her work was still clear enough that he could read it. </p><p>She’d written – Tyler, Rose and Doctor. </p><p>Simple though it may have been, he’d never thought he’d see a new piece of writing in his own language by anything other than his own hand ever again. </p><p>Every day she brought new light to his life.  </p><p>The Doctor carefully placed the pages down again as they were, and added his own note written earlier in English so she’d see it when she woke and understand. </p><p> <i> I’m heading out to work on some repairs to the console. She’ll stay where she’s parked all day. Why don’t you take your mother out for a bit? Have lunch, do some shopping, get whatever you need for the flat. I’ve left some spending money in your wallet. </i> </p><p>He looked at the note again. </p><p>Then, grabbing a pen, he quickly he added her name at the top in Circular Gallifreyan, and signed his at the bottom in Circular Gallifreyan again, along with the date and location coordinates.</p><p>He paused, and then made one more addition in English. </p><p> <i> P.S. Keep up the good work learning your letters. I’m proud of you. </i> </p><p>Back on the TARDIS, he rigged a motion sensor to trip once Jackie or Rose had begun moving about in the lounge room, and promptly disappeared under the console.</p><p>A few hours later, the sensor dinged and a key clicked in the door. </p><p>“Rose?” he asked, poking his head out from under the console, sleeve shirts rolled up, glasses askew, hair sticking every which way and a smear of grease across his face. </p><p>“Doctor,” she said, and she was holding up her wallet. “Do you know how much money this is?” </p><p>She seemed distinctively angry, he was horrified to observe.</p><p>“Yes? I mean, no? I’m sorry, do you need more?” </p><p>“More? You put ten thousand pounds in my wallet.” </p><p>“And?” </p><p>“And? And that’s an insane amount of money, and what were you thinking?” </p><p>“Rose, it’s just money.”</p><p>“Just money? Doctor- I don’t need you to pay me.”</p><p>“Rose, no, no, I’m not paying you. Didn’t you get my note? It’s a gift.”</p><p>“I can’t accept a gift of ten thousand pounds!” </p><p>“Why not? It’s not like it’s my money, I just sonicked it from the cash machine across the street.”   </p><p>“Won’t someone notice if you steal ten-thousand pounds from them?”</p><p>“It’s not stealing, I’m not taking it from anyone, Rose. Money isn’t real, it won’t even appear as missing in the bank’s ledger, with the algorithm I set up. They’ll just print some more pieces of paper.”</p><p>But Rose just looked more agitated. “I don’t- I don’t really understand what you’re saying, though.” </p><p>“I’m saying no one’s getting hurt and it doesn’t mean anything to me, really,” he cajoled. “Go on, take it, have a good time, get some things you and your mum need. I’ll get some boring -boring to you that is- repairs done in peace and you can come back around dinner time when I’ll be good and done.”</p><p>Rose tapped her foot. “Alright. If you’re sure you don’t- and that’s what you want.” </p><p>“Course I’m sure,” he smiled. “Off you go, Rose. I’ll just get back to the repairs.” </p><p>But when Rose left the TARDIS, the Doctor just flicked on the viewscreen and sat back on the jump seat to watch. A little while later, Jackie and Rose were exiting the flat together, and he knew it was his time to move.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor tore out of the flat armed only with his sonic screwdriver and a bit of research. </p><p>Striding across the courtyard, he made his way to Enoch House, the other of the two towers that, alongside Rose’s own Bucknall House, formed the Powell Estate.</p><p>In a darkened stairway with a good view of flat number 38, the Doctor set himself down to wait, huddling into the corner with his coat wrapped up around him as if he’d imbibed too much the night before and fallen there to rest. </p><p>Some hours passed, and no one paid mind to the sorry creature camped out on the stairs. </p><p>Only late in the afternoon, when the sun was beginning to wane, did the Doctor spy movement from number 38.</p><p>A tall, lean young man with sandy blonde hair, light stubble, a black leather jacket and jeans worn entirely too tight came out of the flat and headed down the stairs. The Doctor waited a beat, then moved to shadow him.</p><p>Always a few steps behind, the shadow waited for the perfect moment to reveal himself. After a few blocks, the young man stepped into a long, narrow, darkened alley, deserted of any bystanders. </p><p>“Jimmy Stone,” called the Doctor.</p><p>The young man looked warily over his shoulder. </p><p>“Yes?” he asked. </p><p>“Why are you back here?” </p><p>“What’d you say, mate?” he smiled disarmingly, spinning around to face the Doctor. </p><p>“Why are you back living on the estate? I’d like to know.”</p><p>“And who the hell are you?” he sneered.</p><p>“Someone who knows your kind of old, and is here to put a stop to whatever you’ve got planned,” the Doctor answered. </p><p>“What’s a posh tosser like you gonna to me?” Jimmy laughed.</p><p>He may still have been smiling as walked back down the alleyway, but the Doctor could see that nestled between the knuckles of his right fist was a blade.</p><p>“Now,” said the Doctor evenly. “First of all, I should tell you that I don’t intend to harm you today.”</p><p>“Is that so?” </p><p>Jimmy stepped closer.</p><p>“Unless of course you attempt to harm me,” finished the Doctor.</p><p>Closer still he moved, until he was but swinging distance away.  The Doctor drew out the moment, waiting for a definitive sign of aggressive, waiting until Jimmy arched his right arm, before flicking the sonic screwdriver. </p><p>Jimmy cried out, the blade clattered the ground as he doubled over in pain, grasping his left leg. </p><p>“Don’t happen to have a dynamic compression plate in your left fibula, do you?” rattled the Doctor with a false smile. “Prison injuries, well, I’ve been there, mate. Bit of a hazard, though- any old posh tosser could magnetise the titanium screws to cause excruciating pain. Well, any old posh tosser with a sonic device, a little bit of medical knowledge and the ability to hack into your NHS records.” </p><p>“Who the fuck are you?” the young man muttered up at him, a look of genuine fear now clouding his face. </p><p>“Now you’re getting it. So, I’ll ask you more specifically. Why are you back living on the Powell Estate, and what are your intentions with Rose Tyler?”</p><p>Jimmy bit out a sharp, pained bark of laughter. “Oh, you’re kidding me- you’re the Doctor that whore ran off with.”</p><p>The Doctor flicked the sonic screwdriver again and Jimmy screamed.</p><p>“Fuck, okay, stop! I just came back here when I got out because no one would rent to me with my record! I’m not looking to start anything up with Rosie, she’s yours, understood.”</p><p>“Is that the truth?” the Doctor said, eyeing Jimmy dispassionately. </p><p>“Yes, okay, Jesus, I don’t know what she told you, but I left her way back. She might be a fun enough tumble, but she’s more trouble than she’s worth, believe me.”</p><p>“I know what you did to her.”</p><p>“Look, she obviously told you some sob story to take her off the estate, I get it, mate,” Jimmy jabbered, holding his hands out in defence. </p><p>“I’m not here to debate you. I know what you did to her. I should kill you for it, here and now.” </p><p>“Hey, now, come on, man,” Jimmy replied, hands moving higher to partially obscure his face. </p><p>“You took her precious soul…” the Doctor choked out. “She gave you her love, and you terrorised her. You don’t deserve to live. Perhaps it would be better for the world if I did just get it over with.”</p><p>“Don’t- look- this is crazy.” </p><p>“But I won’t do it without a warning. Because she wouldn’t want me to. But I want you to know that I’m watching you, and if you come anywhere near Rose again, or Jackie, or anyone else she knows- I will kill you. You get one chance, that’s it.”</p><p>“Okay, yeah.” </p><p>“Do you understand? Like what just happened. I gave you one chance, you didn’t take it- excruciating pain, yes? This is like that. One chance, then death.” </p><p>“Understood! Okay- nowhere near Rose, or anyone else she knows. Got it, we’re good, yeah?”</p><p>A look of disgust coloured the Doctor’s face. </p><p>“While in no way are we “good,” if you respect the parameters of our deal, you’ll be allowed by me to continue breathing. Now, walk away, Jimmy Stone, and remember she’s protected.”  </p><p>Jimmy stumbled to his feet and scurried off down the alleyway like a rat. </p><p>The Doctor watched until he was far enough away to pose no immediate threat, and then turned in the other direction to head back to Bucknall House, the TARDIS, Jackie and Rose.</p><p>But then came a caterwaul came echoing off the concrete that made the Doctor spin around where he was standing. Jimmy was leaning around the corner at the end of the alleyway.  </p><p>“I hope you enjoy what you’re fucking paying for,” Jimmy yawled. “Just remember who broke her in for you, next time your bollocks deep in that cunt and she’s begging you to give it to her harder.”</p><p>As he saw the look of thunder cross the Doctor’s face, he scarpered off. </p><p>The Doctor stood there for some time, teeth clenched, hands trembling by his sides, as he tried not to do something he’d regret. </p><p>Mere words were no excuse to take a life, after all, no matter the implication of the content. </p><p>Upon returning to the TARDIS, the Doctor found he’d accidently left the testing cycle he’d been running earlier on, and it had melted the tertiary thermal regular valve to a puddle, fusing three long fibreoptic cables together.</p><p>He sighed and buried himself back under the console.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Part Six: Repairs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A short while later, a sweet feminine voice called to him.</p><p>“Repairs all done?” said Rose, leaning down to peer under the console in greeting. Her light hair swung at her shoulders, her arms were weighed down with shopping bags and a wide smile graced her lips. </p><p>The Doctor took her beautiful vibrancy in and tried not to hear Jimmy Stone’s ugly words repeating themselves in his head.</p><p>The implication of those words, and the man's behaviour today, told the Doctor- a man who was very familiar with the depraved despots and petty tyrants of the universe, after all- a little more about just what exactly Rose had been subjugated to as a young woman. </p><p>The Doctor wished very much that he wasn’t so familiar with that particular kind of depravity, that kind of petty tyranny, that he couldn’t connect the dots, that he couldn’t imagine. Because imagining Rose in those situations he was. Over, and over again. </p><p>As if he hadn’t seen her in enough pain already with his own eyes. Usually as a direct result of his own actions, sometimes only as an indirect result of selfishly asking her to come with him. </p><p>“Rose!” he said leaping out with false exuberance, hoping she wouldn’t notice the turn his thoughts had taken. “My Rose is back! My wild Rose, perfect Rose, my cream-white rosebud with a flush on its petal tips.”</p><p>“Alright, did ya’ miss me then?” she said with a laugh, watching him run a loop around the console. “What’s all this about?” </p><p>“Oh, just thinking about you,” he grinned shyly as he came to a stop in front of her. “It’s funny, really, how often your namesake is the subject of poetry. You fill each poem with meaning anew for me, you know?”</p><p>“Oh,” Rose smiled back just as shyly, thrown by the turn the conversation had taken. “How d’you mean?”</p><p>He shook his head, the soft smile never leaving his face. “You just do.” </p><p>“Well,’ she said, glancing down at her bags. “I’ve got some stuff for myself and some stuff for you, too. And then I put two thousand pounds in a charity box and two thousand in my bank account, and left the rest with mum ‘case she needs it. Said goodbye to her too, for now, she’s got a date tonight. She’s pretty happy with you at the moment actually, as you can imagine. Hope that was okay, how I used the money, yeah?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have expected you to do anything less than share your largess with the world, Rose Tyler. But did I hear you say you got something for me, too?”</p><p>“Yeah. I know it was your money and all, but I thought it might have been a while since someone bought you a present and maybe this’d still count.”</p><p>“Rose, I told you, it’s not my money. And you’re right- I can’t remember the last time someone bought me a present.” </p><p>“So. Here you go,” Rose said, holding a large Henricks bag out to him and wiggling her fingers round the strap. </p><p>The Doctor peered inside to find a finely milled, dark blue suit in the same cut of his brown pinstriped one. Nestled in the middle of the folded jacket was a jar of expensive banana flavoured jellies.</p><p>“Rose,” he stuttered. </p><p>“I know it's not the done thing to buy a man's suit without trying it on, but I worked in the menswear department of Henricks for a while and I was always a dab hand at fitting them. All the same, we can take it in or swap it if it’s not right. Well, what do you think?”</p><p>“I’m- I don’t quite know what to say.”</p><p>“You don’t like it.” </p><p>“No! I like it- I, I’m touched, Rose.”</p><p>“Want to come try it on for me, then?” she teased, tilting her head and flashing him a hint of cheeky tongue between her lips. </p><p>“Perhaps later, Rose,” he said, shooting her a genuinely regretful smile. “I’ve still got some repairs to do.”</p><p>“Thought you said I should come back after dinner ‘cause you’d be done?” Rose asked with curiosity rather than reproach. </p><p>“Thought I would be. Want to see why not?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Come right this way then, Rose Tyler, for the next part of your flying lessons.” </p><p>He grabbed her hand in his and led her under the console. </p><p>Shuffling inwards into the belly of the TARDIS with Rose close behind him, they came to a stop crouched closely together with their knees curled up. </p><p>“See that?” he asked, pointing to a lump of misshapen metal connected to three long tubes. </p><p>“Yeah,” she replied.</p><p>“It’s a thermal regulator valve. Or it was. Now it’s a melted thermal regulator valve.” </p><p>“Why’s that, then?” </p><p>He turned back to look at her over his shoulder, running a hand across the back of his neck in embarrassment.</p><p>“Weeel, I bollocksed it up, you see, when I was repairing what I was actually meant to be repairing. Left it too long, let it get too hot, and now I’m going to need to redirect all these wires temporarily to another valve and then fly to this trading bazaar to pick up a new part while it still holds.”</p><p>“My shopping day continues, then?”</p><p>“Your shopping day continues. My kinda shopping this time, though. You wouldn’t believe the kind of gadgets they have there, Rose. Maybe there’ll be something to interest you, too. And the bazaar itself, you’ll love it- it’s on this asteroid in the middle of an intergalactic superhighway so all these different species stop there on their travels through. Meaning it’s a real mix of different cultures. Oh, we’ll have to try the Cepheidian Mulled Wine, Rose, they’re famous for it! You and me and some Cepheidian Mulled Wine under the black, how does that sound?”</p><p>“Sounds amazing, Doctor.”</p><p>“Righty-o. I’ll keep working on this and then we’ll be off to the bazaar in a couple of hours, so you’ve time to go put the shopping away for now and have something to eat. Might want to pop your head out and tell your mum why I’m not moving us yet, too, considering how nosey she gets.”</p><p>“Will do. Have you eaten though?” </p><p>“I’ve been busy.” </p><p>“I’ll bring you some tea and toast, as well then, how about that?”</p><p>“Sounds lovely, Rose,” he said, giving her an affectionate peck on the lips. </p><p>The beatific smile she gave him in return warmed his cold hearts.</p><p>Rose crawled back out from under the console and ducked through the front door to call to her mum, before dashing back inside and scooping both their bags off the grating. </p><p>First she dropped by the Doctor’s room, which she’d seem him loitering around now and then but hadn’t ever been in herself. He’d always visited her in her room, and never invited her in his. She figured he had been habituated to keeping his own space for many centuries now -in fact, the way he’d described relationships in his culture, it sounded like they never even slept in the same bedrooms at all- and tried not to read anything untoward into it. </p><p>Would he mind her ducking into his private living space to leave his suit? Probably, but then on the other hand, he had just told her to go put the shopping away. </p><p>So Rose decided she’d split the difference by placing it just inside the doorway.</p><p>But of course, once she’d opened the doorway, she couldn’t resist taking a peek. </p><p>It was a big, sprawling living quarters. Like the main rooms of the TARDIS and her own bedroom, sloping coral formed the walls and ceiling. Books were strewn everywhere, alongside what looked to be all manner of mechanical parts and pages and pages of his elegant writing. A big four poster bed dominated the near right side of his quarters, a wardrobe on the left, a fireplace and sitting chairs on the far right and a large, wooden workbench was raised up on a platformed area on the far left. Another door seemed to lead to what was undoubtably a luxurious bathroom. </p><p>Rose put his suit down at the entrance and left.</p><p>In her own room, she laid her shopping out, unwrapping a light blue, fluffy jumper, a slinky black dress and some new lingerie to wash and hiding the computer and textbooks she’d purchased in her own wardrobe.</p><p>On to the galley, she made a milky black tea with entirely too much sugar and toast with butter and strawberry jam for him, and a milky black tea with just the one sugar for her. </p><p>Arms laden, she returned to him in the console room.</p><p>“Hey again, Doctor,” she smiled, ducking back under the console to hand him his toast and tea. </p><p>“Rose!” he said, inhaling a big gulp of tea along with a generous bite of toast. “Mmm, brilliant. Ta, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Can I sit and have my tea with you?”</p><p>“Course you can.” </p><p>She shuffled to join him under the console again, settling in to watch him work on re-routing the thermal regulator while he ate, plate and cup balanced precariously on the metal grating beside him. </p><p>“Can you hand me that spanner, Rose?” he asked, gesturing. </p><p>She reached up and back across to hand it to him. </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“No probs,” Rose said, taking another sip of her tea.</p><p>“I’m just gonna open her up, and- voila!” the Doctor began explaining what he was doing while he worked. “Now, we’ll need a binary dot- that’s one of those small black dotes on the sheet, Rose, peel it off and then stick it where my thumb is, yeah, while I hold all this together?” </p><p>“Like this?” Rose asked, leaning across to reach what he was holding so her breasts were pressed against his back. </p><p>“Little higher… there you go. Good girl. Press down on it for five seconds.”</p><p>Rose felt the dot begin to heat under her fingertip. </p><p>“Now, finger off,” he instructed.</p><p>Just a few seconds later Rose watched as the metal glowed red and the parts he was holding seemed to fuse together at that point. </p><p>“Wow,” she said. </p><p>“Good job, Rose.” </p><p>She felt herself swell in pride, then blushed a little at feeling prideful over something so simple. He was continuing working, but she couldn't bring herself to leave her position against him. She leaned heavier into his back, slumping her chin onto his right shoulder. </p><p>“This is nice,” she said wistfully after a little while of lying like that. </p><p>“’S nice having you here,” the Doctor replied, a soft smile in his voice. </p><p>“I like you teaching me about this stuff.” </p><p>“And I like teaching you.” </p><p>“Can you teach me about the poetry, too? What you said earlier- I want to understand what you mean.” </p><p>“The red rose whispers of passion, and the white rose breathes of love,” he recited while he threaded the cables around each other. “I send you a cream-white rosebud with a flush on its petal tips; for the love that is purest and sweetest has a kiss of desire on the lips.” </p><p>“What’s that from?”</p><p>“It’s from one of the poems I was thinking about earlier. The White Rose, John Boyle O’Reilly, 1873. He led a bit of an adventurous life. Grew up in Ireland during the Famine, watched his friends die, joined the fight against British rule. Caught, transported to Australia, escapes after a few years to America, becomes a writer- marries another writer, Mary Murphy- becomes a civil rights activist and publishes a few volumes of poetry.” </p><p>“Sounds like your sort of man.” </p><p>“Oh, absolutely. Mind, his poetry was thought a bit populist during his time, and I never particularly rated it. Till I met you. My cream-white rosebud flushed with red. There, all done- the bypass will hold for a few trips, anyway, enough to get us to the bazaar to pick up that spare part.”</p><p>“What’s that mean, though, cream-white rosebud flushed with red?” </p><p>“It’s a metaphor, using the commonly understood meanings of each colour rose in floriography- that’s the Victorian art of coded communication through flowers. It means... eros and philia, passion and friendship, united in one person. I didn’t understand how it felt to find that, before. Now I do.” </p><p>More warmth blossomed in Rose’s chest. Although she didn’t entirely follow everything the Doctor had just said, it was hard to miss his use of the word’s passion and love in relation to herself. </p><p>Wordless, struck and unable to resist, she leaned up to press a kiss to the side of his face instead, the angle awkward. Missing, she accidently grazed his temple instead.</p><p>He shuddered.</p><p>“Like that too, do ya?” she asked huskily, and did it again.</p><p>He groaned and then looked down as if he was embarrassed to see the tent he’d popped in his pinstriped pants.</p><p>Rose ran a hand around his waist to brush against his clothed stomach. She felt his abdomen clench and unclench under her palm, and it made her feel powerful.</p><p>“Rose-“ he started to protest. </p><p>“Sshh. Let me take care of that for you, Doctor.” </p><p>She carefully undid the button of his trousers to make a little more room, unable to pull them down his skinny hips completely with the way he was hunched over to work under the console. Wriggling her hand down, she traced the line of his underwear teasingly, revelling at the way he choked on his next gasp of air. </p><p>“Want my hand, hmm?” she murmured. </p><p>“Fuck,” he swore through clenched teeth. </p><p>She chuckled filthily. “Okay, I can give you some relief.”  </p><p>Sliding inside his underwear, she wrapped her hand around his cock and began stroking him up and down. The Doctor groaned deeply, tipping his head back. Rose watched his Adam’s apple bop enticingly. She brought her other hand down to join in, cupping and squeezing his balls through the cotton in time with each slide of his cock. Pressing her breasts harder against his back, her teeth alternated nibbles on his ear with kisses to as much of his jawbone as she could reach. </p><p>“You feel so good,” she whispered. “So big and hard.”</p><p>“Guh,” he babbled, thrusting his hips uncontrollably forward.</p><p>“I wish I had the words to explain to you how good that frankly magnificent cock of yours feels between my legs. Deep inside my pussy.” </p><p>“Oh Rose,” he moaned. “You don’t have to…”</p><p>“Seems only fair, doesn’t it? You service her, I service you.”</p><p>“Rose!” he gasped as he ejaculated prematurely into his trousers with a shout. </p><p>When the Doctor came back to himself, he looked down to see an embarrassing wet spot spreading in a circle on his crotch.</p><p>“Good thing you bought me that new suit,” he chuckled breathily. </p><p>“Ooh, you gonna try it on for me, after all?” she teased.</p><p>“Might do.”</p><p>“Mmm, lucky me.”</p><p>“Alright. I’ll recover my breath, go get dressed and then we’ll head to pick up that part.”</p><p>“I-I put the suit in your bedroom, hope that was okay.” </p><p>“Course,” he scooted around to cup her cheek and look her in the eye before kissing her chastely. “Course, it was. Rose… you don’t… really feel like you have to service me, do you?”</p><p>She blushed and winced, dropping his gaze.</p><p>He sighed, stroking her chin with his thumb.</p><p>“Where’s that coming from, hmm? I thought we’d talked about this.”</p><p> “I-I thought I was doing what you wanted.“</p><p>“What about what you want?”</p><p>“Actually, I might get changed, too,” she dodged, wiggling out from the console. “Been in these clothes too long.” </p><p>He attempted to follow her, stumbling to stand. </p><p>“Rose, I didn’t say those things because… I meant them, every word.”</p><p>“Sure,” she said lightly, ducking away from him again. </p><p>Behind her, she could hear the Doctor sigh heavily. </p><p>But she needed to get out of his sight as quickly as possible. Rushing back to her room, she only just made it before she threw up violently into the toilet bowl in her ensuite.</p><p>Falling to the floor, she could only crawl to the shower to wash off the evidence. </p><p>Balling up in the little corner under the heavy, hot stream of water, she dug her fingers into her knees to try and stop the shaking.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she returned to the console room, dressed and ready to face him, she found the Doctor facing the rotor with his back straight. </p><p>“You’re blue!” she exclaimed.</p><p>He turned halfway around, leaning his left hip against the console and shoving his hands into his pockets. The big, genuine grin he shot her was full of so much warmth that her chest ached.  </p><p>“What do you think, Rose Tyler?” he asked, brown eyes crinkling. </p><p>She looked him up and down very deliberately, eyes lingering on his long legs, slim hips, the slight bulge of tightly gathered blue fabric across his crotch… his tapered waist and the tickle of brown hair against his collar. </p><p>Motioning with a twirl of her finger, she bid him spin. He obliged, with a little smirk. </p><p>The suit also fit him very well over the tight curve of his small, firm bum. </p><p>“Looks like a good fit to me,” she purred. “But you’re the one wearing it, what do you think?” </p><p>“I think…” he said, dropping his head to fiddle with a few buttons on the console. “You have very good taste and a deft hand at measuring a bloke by sight alone.” </p><p>“Well,” she said, walking over and wrapping her arms around his middle, “In that case, I think I should tell you that good fit is a bit of an understatement. You look gorgeous.”</p><p>He returned her embrace, leaning down to kiss her temple softly. </p><p>“So do you, Rose,” he murmured. “Though… I thought I just sent you on a shopping spree! You aren’t wearing any of your new clothes?”  </p><p>She looked up at him coyly, swinging her hips slightly in his arms. “Maybe you just can’t see them.” </p><p>“Oh?” he said, raising an eyebrow playfully, rocking back and forth with her. “Oh. Well, I think I might need to do some investigating, then. Where are they, Rose? Come on, don’t hold out on me.” </p><p>He moved to tickle her mercilessly under her plain white shirt. “Are they under here, hmm? Are they under here, Rose?”</p><p>“No!” Rose giggled, trying to wiggle out of his arms. “Doctor! Stop it, you loon.”</p><p>He paused, big hands stilling on her waist, and pretended to consider. “Hmm, not here. Lower then? Or higher?”  </p><p>“You’ll never get it out of me.”</p><p>He grinned at her, then moved one hand slowly down her back until it met the top of her trousers. </p><p>“Oh, well,” he groaned, slipping his fingers inside and running them across the top band of her underwear. “I might have to do some investigating, then.” </p><p>Rose giggled again. </p><p>“Hmm, what’s this, then?”</p><p>He ran his fingers down further, tracing along the strip of fabric between her cheeks until it met her entrance. Unable to reach further around, he settled for rubbing the string back and forwards through her wet folds.</p><p>“Oh, god,” Rose panted, falling forwards into his arms. </p><p>“Yup,” the Doctor said cheerfully. “This definitely feels like some very new, very naughty underwear.” </p><p>“You absolutely sure?” Rose teased.</p><p>“Weeell,” the Doctor said, tracing the string back up through her buttocks again. “Never let it be said I’m not thorough with my investigations, Ms. Tyler. Perhaps I could give you a more in-depth inspection after we get the thermal regulator?” </p><p>“Mmm,” Rose said, sliding her hands around to cup his bum through his new blue trousers. “Think I might need to double check I got your fit right too, yeah?” </p><p>“Oh yeah?” he smiled, leaning down to give her a sloppy, carnal, open-mouthed kiss.  </p><p>“Oh yeah,” she mumbled back between kisses, rubbing her tongue against his. </p><p>“I’m sorry we fought earlier,” he said, moving his hands back up to still on her hips.  </p><p>“I’m sorry, too,” Rose looked up at him, hands cupping the sides of his face and staring into his large, serious eyes. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to imply…” </p><p>“Nah, s’okay, I’m… I’m touchy about it.” </p><p>“I embarrassed you.” </p><p>“I dunno… I don’t think you did anything wrong.”</p><p>He sighed, resting his temple against hers. “Come on, sweetheart. We need to get this part, and I promised you Cepheidian Mulled Wine under the stars, yes?”</p><p>“Let’s go, then, Doctor. To be continued?” </p><p>“To be continued.”</p><p>They stepped out into what appeared to be a bustling bazaar, filled to the brim with aliens of all different kinds. Straight pedestrian streets were lined with stalls advertising strange wares on either side. When Rose tipped her head back, she could see that above them was just the deep, dark black of space pricked with twinkling starlight. The Doctor explained to her that as they were on an asteroid, not a planet, there was no atmosphere and rather an artificial field had been set up by the Merchant’s Guild to provided oxygenated air and gravity. </p><p>“Here we are, Rose,” he said, procuring two cups of the mulled wine from a vendor with a flash of his credit stick. “What do you think?” </p><p>“S’ lovely, Doctor. This is all lovely. I… I… just… love this. Travelling with you, seeing so many amazing places. Don’t thank you enough.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to thank me for, Rose. Having you here with me… well… That’s thanks enough.”  </p><p>They sipped slowly as they walked arm and arm through the market, the Doctor scanning each stall for the part he was looking for, and Rose just taking everything in.  </p><p>He found a thermal regulator at one stall and asked the merchant to pack it up for him. Rose looked at the pieces on the table too, pointing out some of the stranger looking ones and. asking him what they were.  </p><p>“It’s a bazoolium. Give it a squeeze,” he said about the round, metallic ball in front of them. “Feel how warm it is? Changes temperature when it’s about to rain. And of course, there’s no atmosphere here, so it never gets cold.”</p><p>“Could’ve used one of those back when I was living in London.” </p><p>“Why don’t you buy it for your mum, then? Go on, I’ve got enough credit on the stick.” </p><p>“What’s with you and all the gifts, lately?” Rose said as the merchant added the bazzolium to the Doctor’s package then ran his credit stick. The Doctor thanked him profusely with his usual vigour, and promptly stuffed the package into his transdimensional pockets, much to the man’s amazement.  </p><p>Rose couldn’t ever imagine him being the type to yell at a shop assistant. He was kind to everyone, unless they were cruel- and even then, he would try to find the good in them and bring it out.</p><p>“You got me this suit,” he shrugged, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they walked back towards the TARDIS.</p><p>“With the money that you gave me!” </p><p>“Can’t I give you gifts?” he blushed. “I thought that was a human romantic convention in the early 21st century. The man- usually the man- he buys gifts for his... and her family.”</p><p>“Doctor,” she smiled looking up at him, tongue between her teeth, “Are you trying to romance me?” </p><p>“Maybe,” he smiled down at her, so close she could count his freckles. </p><p>“Well, it’s nice. No one’s every really tried to romance me, before.”</p><p>“I know,” he said, tenderly.</p><p>They walked like that in silence for a little while, dodging through the crowd, hips bumping hips. </p><p>“S’just not fair though, you know,” she said lightly. “You know so much more about human customs than I know about yours.”</p><p>“Very true! Let’s see. Well, we could have our families carefully review our bloodlines for maximum political and genetic compatibility, then formally enter a decree for courtship into our Houses’ records. Might be a bit hard in my case for more than a few reasons. Or perhaps you’d like to play dress up with me in a rather ridiculous formal robe and headdress.” </p><p>“That romantic, huh?”</p><p>“I’m afraid so.”</p><p>“Could I see you in the headdress before I decide?”</p><p>He let out a surprised bark of laughter, astonished by how she could make even a sore topic genuinely amusing. She was truly wonderful. </p><p>He leaned across, arm still wrapped around her, and gave her a passionate kiss in the middle of the bustling stream of people. Looked at her rather seriously for a while, eyes crinkled in soft, indolent happiness. </p><p>Then he grabbed her hand and said “Run!”</p><p>She followed him as he led her running through the streets, ducking off into an alleyway and then turning again and again until she was dizzy, laughing together with him in joy. </p><p>He stopped them in a quiet lane, pressed her against the brick wall and kissed her again.</p><p>“It’s been so long since I’ve had you.”</p><p>“Doctor,” she panted as he ran his hands down her arms and pinned them by her sides. </p><p>“I can’t stop thinking about your cunt,” he murmured against her ear.</p><p>“Oh, god.”</p><p>He ground his pelvis into hers. </p><p>“Is this what it’s like to be human? To feel like this, all the time?”</p><p>She mumbled something nonsensical against his lips. </p><p>“Rose Tyler, I’m going to take you under these stars.”</p><p>Pulling his pelvis back and billowing his coat out around them to shield her body from any onlookers, he buried his mouth against her kneck and reached out to cup her mound through her jeans. He stroked her softly while suckling at the soft, white flesh of her exposed throat. Then, unable to resist, her gave her a firm squeeze and ground his erection against her hip. </p><p>Suddenly, he realised she wasn’t responding. </p><p>“Rose?” he asked, stopping immediately. </p><p>She’d gone limp in his arms, her expression blank. </p><p>“Rose, are you alright?”</p><p>She swallowed, and her eyes slid to meet his, large and round.</p><p>“You said… what I wanted.”</p><p>“Yes, of course.”</p><p>“I don’t want this… alleyway.”</p><p>“Okay, Rose. That’s okay,” he said, stroking her cheek tenderly and placing a gentle peck on her forehead. </p><p>“It makes me feel cheap,” she choked out, voice low. </p><p>“I understand,” he said, wrapping his arm back around her shoulder and leading her back the way they’d came. “Come on, let’s go home, sweetheart. I got carried away. I’m sorry. We can make love in bed instead, or watch the next episode of By the Light of the Asteroid, or I can model the robe and headdress for you? Or, no, how bout we put the headdress on you?” </p><p>She giggled against him, warming a little. </p><p>“Okay. I’d like that.”</p><p>“Which part?” he joked. “Not the robe, surely?” </p><p>“Any of it. All of it.” </p><p>“As my lady commands,” he said with false gravity. “Just as long as she promises not to laugh.” </p><p>“Promise, Doctor,” Rose replied, then hesitated. </p><p>“Go on,” he encouraged. “You can tell me.”</p><p>“S’like… I really like that you want to romance me. Really like it. But I don’t want money from you, Doctor. It don’t feel right.” </p><p>“Okay, then I won’t do that. But what can I do, Rose, to make you feel good? You have to help me, cause I’m not, I’m not human, I don’t know how to do this.” </p><p>“I like… when you take me places. That’s romantic, to me.”</p><p>“But I always take you places, Rose.” </p><p>“Well… I liked when you gave me that drawing. You made it, it was personal. You could give me more stuff like that?” </p><p>“Okay, yeah. I can do that. Love to, actually.”</p><p>“But it goes both ways, yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I meant what I said, earlier,” she said, poking his hand. “I want to give you stuff from your culture too.”</p><p>That was a bit harder because his culture- well, most of it he bloody hated. Especially when it came to courtship. There was one thing he didn’t hate, the brushing of minds, but that wasn’t to be done outside of a marriage bond, and he couldn’t ask that of her, and tie her to him. Nor could he not ask that of her, and shame her by doing it with her outside of the marriage bed. </p><p>Besides, it was very alien and likely disgusting to her, and she’d said before she didn’t like anyone messing about with her head, hadn’t she?</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he said instead. “You have given me something- you’ve made me so happy, sweetheart.”</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they arrived home to the TARDIS, the Doctor told her they were going to remain parked at the bazaar tonight, because he was going to install the thermal regular after she’d gone to sleep. Because he’d made her a promise, hadn’t he? </p><p>Leading her to the library, he loaded up By the Light of the Asteroid to play on the vidscreen and removed the two carefully sealed cannisters of Cepheidian Mulled Wine he’d procured on the way back from his never-ending pockets. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder and a blanket around their legs, the Doctor pulled her into him. </p><p>Snuggled together, sipping the wine, they watched a few episodes of the intergalactic soap opera. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen the show- the Doctor had played some of the earlier episodes for her, among a few dozen other shows, before in a bid to “widen her cultural horizons,” usually while nattering on about this and that thing that she might find interesting. </p><p>But this had been the one she’d enjoyed the most so far, and it seemed like he had noticed.</p><p>This time, the Doctor only nattered a little, mostly to explain that By the Light of the Asteroid had been inspired by the author’s upbringing as a merchant’s son on an asteroid bazaar circulating an intergalactic superhighway just like the one they'd just visited. “Imagine growing up like that, Rose, all the things you’d see?”</p><p>Imagine she did. And she imagined all the things the Doctor had seen over the years, too. </p><p>She loved the way he loved to show them to her.</p><p>After they’d slowly drained their wine, and came to a natural pause in the narrative, the Doctor took her hand in his and led her out of the library. </p><p>She thought they’d be going back to her room as usual to fool around, but instead he stopped them outside the door to his living quarters.  </p><p>“Doctor?” she asked, uncertain. </p><p>“Promised to show you something, didn’t I?” he replied, raising an eyebrow and guiding her inside with gentle pressure on the small of her back.  </p><p>He bid her sit and wait on his generous four poster bed while he disappeared into what turned out to be a dimensionally transcendental wardrobe that opened up into another room. </p><p>The Doctor came back arms strung with what looked like reems of heavy, deep red fabric and lay them out on the bed next to her. To her surprise, he then begun shucking off his own garments in front of her. </p><p>Rose gawped at him, wide eyed.</p><p>“Did you forget my promise already? You said you want to know more about Time Lord customs. Well, here’s one thing I can still show you. Now, mind,” he said, shaking his finger at her. “I am well aware that I look completely pompous and just a bit ridiculous in these robes. But this is how I used to have to dress, on formal occasions. Which, on Gallifrey, was most occasions. So, don’t you forget your promise, yes?”  </p><p>“Oh- I promised not to laugh,” Rose acknowledged, feet swinging off his bed. </p><p>Not a little bit distracted by his rapidly growing naked form. </p><p>“Yes, you certainly did. Alright, Rose. Observe. Robe number one goes on like this,” the Doctor explained, lifting a long, flowing tunic over his head. “Robe number two wraps around the arms and shoulders like this, and then the pièce de resistance, the headdress. So, what do you think?” </p><p>Rose took in the Doctor in all his glory. </p><p>She smirked, then quickly hid her mouth behind her hand in a way which he found enticingly coquettish, despite the fact that he suspected meant he was about to be made fun of. </p><p>“Was that laughter?” he asked, smiling down at her. </p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“Was it?” </p><p>“Nuh uh,” she mumbled into her hand.</p><p>But a girlish giggle spilt over.</p><p>“Rose Tyler, you little traitor,” the Doctor said, reaching over to grab a pillow from the top of his bed and whacking her gently with it across the shoulder. </p><p>“No!” she laughed, wiggling away from him.</p><p>“Oh yes,” he said, grabbing her by the ankles and dragging her back to within his reach on the edge of the bed before whacking her again. “This is what mean, lying girls get.”</p><p>Rose escaped his grasp momentarily to find the other pillow and get in a few whacks back. “Well, this is what pompous Time Lords get,” she cried triumphantly. </p><p>Playfully they continued to fight together on the Doctor's bed. Eventually Rose displaced his headdress with a well-aimed strike and it fell to the mattress beside them.</p><p>The Doctor eyed it carefully, raising a cheeky eyebrow. </p><p>As usual Rose caught onto his meaning quick as a tack. </p><p>“Oh no, mister, you are not putting that hat on me,” she said.</p><p>“Hat?” the Doctor whined dramatically. “It’s a headdress, Rose. A very serious, ceremonial headdress. And… it’s definitely going on your head.”</p><p>She leaped up to make a run for it, but he caught her in his arms, swung her around and threw her back down on the bed.</p><p>Trapping her hips under his, he picked up the headdress and moved towards her while she wiggled underneath him, laughing, hair flying everywhere. </p><p>She looked so beautiful in her unbridled joy that he couldn’t help but abandon his mission for leaning down to kiss her softly on the lips. The headdress drop uselessly from his hands, and was heeded by no-one. </p><p>“This okay?” he pulled back to murmur, lips inches from hers, before things got too heated.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rose said, eyes dropping back to his delicate, pouty lips. </p><p>The Doctor’s gaze was equally heavy, but still he held himself back.</p><p>“Only if you want, Rose,” he continued shyly. “This is… I only ever want if you want, yeah?”</p><p>“I do want,” said Rose, heart filled with warmth. “Back there… it was the setting, not that I didn’t want… you.” </p><p>“I never want to hurt you like that.”</p><p>“I know,” said Rose, cupping his chin. “My Doctor.”</p><p>Their lips met again. </p><p>After what felt like an age of lying against each other passionately kissing, the Doctor pulled himself off her with a sigh, raising himself to stand at the edge of the bed, with the intention of quickly stripping himself of his robes. But he got caught up in the image she presented, lying incongruously on his bed, braced on her upper arms with kiss stung lips and an enticingly heaving bosom.    </p><p>Rose took him in, too. He was looking down at her heatedly. Between his legs, tenting the red fabric, was an undoubtably impressive erection tipped by a slightly wet patch. It looked rather rude. </p><p>She licked her lips. “You know, I might have been a bit quick to judge.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” the Doctor responded quickly, interest piqued.   </p><p>“Mmm. Without the hat-“</p><p>“Headress.”</p><p>“-you look kinda… big and commanding.”</p><p>“Is that so, Rose Tyler?”</p><p>“Sort of, yeah.” </p><p>“Here’s a command, then. Take off your clothes. I still need to ascertain whether you really made a purchase for yourself, don’t I?”</p><p>Rose rushed to strip them off before leaning back on her haunches, draped over the bed in just her new, white lace thong.</p><p>“What do you think, Doctor?” she purred. “Proof enough?”</p><p>He shook his head. “Not quite. Can I have a better look?”</p><p>Rose spread her legs. </p><p>“Good girl. That is... Very good," he swallowed, before clearing his throat. "Now take them off and give them to me.”</p><p>Rose did as he said, staring into his eyes while she peeled them down her legs and placed them in his open palm, brushing her thumb over his knuckles. </p><p>The Doctor brought the panties to his face and inhaled deeply. </p><p>“Oh yes. That'll do nicely, Rose.” </p><p>“Gonna show me some big, now?” Rose purred.  </p><p>The smirk he gave her was filthy. </p><p>“Think I might have something like that to show you.”</p><p>He let her panties fall to the ground and lifted up his robes, baring his hard cock to her appreciative gaze. </p><p>Wrapping his fist around it and giving it a few strokes, he was half-embarrassed to find himself wanting to show off to her like a strutting peacock.  </p><p>“Why don’t you come over here and have a closer look?” he asked softly.</p><p>She sat up slowly.</p><p>Kissed each of his trembling, pale thighs covered in thick brown hair.</p><p>Pressed more open mouth kisses up his length, chin brushing his heavy balls.</p><p>Sucked on his tip before swallowing him whole. </p><p>The Doctor grabbed her by the hair roughly and thrust her head up and down in quick succession, jamming his cock down her throat. </p><p>Rose moaned around him. </p><p>“Alright, sweetheart,” he groaned, hands pushing on her shoulders. “Don’t want to come in your mouth.”</p><p>Realising him with a pop, she shifted to lie on her back again and met his eyes with a sultry stare. </p><p>“Where do you want to come, Doctor?”</p><p>“I think you know,” he muttered darkly, grabbing her by the ankles and tilting her pelvis forward so he could slip into her while he was standing. </p><p>“Oh, yeah,” she sighed, as he stretched her wide open. </p><p>“Blimey, Rose,” he muttered, stilling inside her.</p><p>“This what you wanted earlier? What was it you said to me?”</p><p>He dropped her gaze briefly, looking abashed. Rose watched as a light blush spread across his cheeks and down his slim, lightly muscled chest.  </p><p>“That I couldn’t stop thinking of your cunt,” he finally rasped, glancing up. </p><p>“And am I everything you’ve been thinking of?” she said cheekily, holding him tightly between her thighs, reaching forwards to stroke his abdomen and his bottom.  </p><p>His hips jerked forward of their own accord. </p><p>“Ohhh… warm, soft, dripping wet like you’re begging for it, fits around my prick like you were made for me?” he moaned, running a finger down to circle her entrance where they were joined. “Oh yes, sweetheart. You are very much everything I've been thinking of.”</p><p>“Oh,” she cried, eyes rolling back into her head.</p><p>He thrust powerfully into her again, long red robes flying out behind him.</p><p>“Maybe you were made for me. Maybe I was, made for you, I mean,” he babbled as he pummelled into her, over and over again. “This regeneration.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Regeneration,” he panted. “We’re supposed to have some control over it. I was always rubbish. But I tried, I tried, this time… to be someone you might, you might…” </p><p>“Oh,” she sighed, a line appearing between her forehead. </p><p>“And is this what you were thinking of, earlier? How good I feel? Big, and hard, and deep?”</p><p>“Yes, yes, so good, Doctor. You’re so big, so hard. Please, I…”</p><p>He took in her creamy skin, her full breasts, slender waist and womanly hips, before folding up her knees and pulling her pelvis further towards the side of the bed so he could fuck her deeper. </p><p>A strand of hair was clinging to her sweaty forehead. Her pelvis was rolling, roiling; she was never one to lie there a let him enjoy her. She participated fully in their intercourse, like everything else she did. </p><p>“I think I might be a bit obsessed with those pert teats of yours, sweetheart. Lovely, round, healthy mammary glands they are, too,” he jabbered, watching them bounce with the force of his thrusts.</p><p>“Oh god,” Rose said.</p><p>“How about I give them a good, firm squeeze for you, now, like that? There you go. There’s a good girl. Take it, Rose. Oh, what a vision you are.”</p><p>Soon he was beginning to lose his rhythm. He fell into a heap on top of her, robes billowing out to enclose her as he thrust erratically a few more times and ground his pelvis desperately against her, hoping to make her come. </p><p>Unable to hold back, he tensed in her arms and ejaculated heavily into her womb, filling her with his seed. Rose felt their combined fluids pooling between her legs and spilling onto her thighs. She rubbed her pelvis against his a few more times and let go, joining him in oblivion. </p><p>When he regained awareness, he found himself collapsed on top of her, panting into the crook of her shoulder.</p><p>He placed a wet kiss against her skin before sliding out of her warmth and onto his back beside her.</p><p>Turning his head to look at her, he saw her eyes were closed.</p><p>“Rose? Have I worn you out?”</p><p>“Mmm,” she said blearily.</p><p>“Come on, love,” he said, returning the pillows to their rightly place, pulling the sheets back and scooping her up in his weary arms with some effort. “To bed with you.” </p><p>Unable to resist, he climbed in next to her, rearranging her body so she was draped over his. </p><p>He looked down at the picture they made lying in his bed. She, naked and pale, small and deliciously curved, and having collected a hairy manly hand that was resting possessively on her full, soft breast. He, dressed still in his completely pompous and just a bit ridiculous ceremonial robes, with a beautiful young human woman in his arms.</p><p>He should perhaps think of what he'd just done in his robes as the latest in a long list of ways he'd disgraced his people. But, for a change, he couldn't seem to be able to. </p><p>He felt sated, bone deep, and happy. Rose was shifting around a bit, her small, delicate hand sleepily reaching under his skirt to travel up and curl itself into his chest hair. He hadn't scared her off, earlier. Despite his hyperactive display of need, she trusted him still. Wanted him, still. </p><p>She was perfect. His absolute best friend, his mate.   </p><p>“That was amazing,” she murmured, placing a kiss there through the fabric.</p><p>“Quite right, too,” he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead in return. “Now go to sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be here for a little while, then I’ll go fix the thermal regulator. Then I’ll take you somewhere exciting tomorrow, just you wait.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Part Seven: Families</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Rose awoke, she was alone, but a new sketch had appeared on the pillow beside her. </p><p>It was a portrait of herself, naked and stretched out sleeping in his bed. She usually hated the sight of her figure without clothes. But when she looked at how he’d embodied her she did not feel ashamed. Instead, all she could think about was how the artist had drawn around her flaws, had rendered her beautiful through love cloaked eyes.</p><p>Was that a silly thought to think? Was she wishing something into being so badly that she was fooling herself?</p><p>But what other explanation could there be for his behaviour? This was more than friendship, more than kindness, more than sex. In his own language, without asking, he’d addressed it to her and signed his own name. She recognised those particular constellations of circular writing from tracing them over and over, first with her eyes in that pub she’d been to her whole life, and then with a pencil in her childhood bed. </p><p>Between her name and his were a few lines of new symbols she didn’t recognise, however. Scribbled in his swirling English handwriting below was an explanation:</p><p> <i> Translated, this reads “Rose Tyler, you deserve a lifetime of romance. Meet me in the console room for your next adventure.” </i></p><p>Squiggly lines led from each English word to their corresponding Gallifreyan character. Annotated in some cases was a barely intelligible explanation of the particular tense he’d used, and something about how it worked with time relative to the vortex.   Rose curled into herself in his bed, staring at what he’d drawn and what he’d written for a good long while.</p><p>Then the call of adventure proved irresistible, and she leapt out to meet the day. </p><p>“You’ll find out where we’re going soon enough,” the Doctor smiled at her excited enquiry as she rushed into the console room to greet him. “I’ve installed the new thermal regulator and taken her to the vortex while you were sleeping, but I was thinking maybe you’d like to help me land her?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Rose smiled back.</p><p>“Do you remember your lessons?”</p><p>“Might do,” she teased, tongue between her teeth. </p><p>The Doctor took her through the sequence again, standing back where he could and trying to prompt her memory at each turn. Only interfering when he absolutely had to in order to prevent them from crashing, or landing in the entirely wrong time or place- which of course, was fairly often, Rose being but a novice shipmate for now. </p><p>They landed with a jolt, falling happily to the grating beneath their feet. </p><p>“Here we go, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor exclaimed, jumping up and bounding towards the door. “Your next adventure awaits.” </p><p>He flung the door open with his usual enchanting flourish, but then stopped suddenly. Rose could see his passage out into the world was blocked by what looked like a Police Box blue wall.  </p><p>“Ah,” he said, quickly popping the door back shut and bounding back towards the console. </p><p>“I’ve stuck the landing, haven’t I?” Rose asked, disappointed. </p><p>“Not to worry. And, points for colour- did you see, Rose, you got the camouflage bit right! I hardly ever get that right! Come here, sweetheart.”  </p><p>The Doctor playfully dragged her over to the monitor, wrapping his right arm around her shoulder till she was leaning into his chest, so they could both view the footage of their surroundings. </p><p>“What do you see?” he questioned her softly. </p><p>“We’re… fenced in on two sides, and there’s just train tracks behind her.” </p><p>“And so which direction do you need to turn her?” </p><p>“Umm, I think… from where the door is facing now, to the right?” </p><p>He nodded. “And how do you do that?” </p><p>Rose bit her lip, moving around the console until she was standing in front of a long lever that he’d marked up with a number of degree points in Arabic numerals alongside the Gallifreyan so she could read them, around the time he decided to start giving her flying lessons. Hesitantly, her hand hovered over it. She looked back at him over her shoulder, and he could see the doubt splashed across her face. </p><p>But she was right. </p><p>“Very good. And how many degrees does she need to rotate?”</p><p>“I dunno.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” he said evenly.   </p><p>“Sorry,” she shrugged, embarrassed.  </p><p>“Come on Rose, think,” he encouraged, stepping behind her and placing his hands on her hips so he could position her body the same way the door was facing. </p><p>“She’s here, and she needs to move here,” he said, spinning her around. “What kind of angle is that?” </p><p>“S’ a right angle.” </p><p>“And how many degrees is a right angle?”</p><p>Rose was silent for a minute, before responding with one of their jokes. “Bit hard to think with your manly, hairy hands all over me, mmm Doctor?” she teased, pushing herself back into his arms and rubbing her hips against him. </p><p>But she could hear her voice ring hollow even as she said it, and knew that he had too. The Doctor released her hips. </p><p>“Rose, try. You know this, you should have learnt this in school.”</p><p>Feeling his gaze weighing heavy, she stared at the dial, scuffing her shoe against the grating. </p><p>“Is it… 180?” she asked, hand faltering over the lever. </p><p>Pity flashed across his face quickly. Rose saw it.  </p><p>The Doctor was kind. He didn’t verbally correct her, but instead placed his hand atop hers and moved it a little further down the lever till they reached 90 together.  </p><p>“90 degrees, right,” she muttered. “Stupid.” </p><p>How could she have thought earlier she was good enough for him to feel that way? His race was gone, and he’d have to settle for a lesser species because no other species would ever match up to his- but she wasn’t just a lesser species. She didn’t even know basic things the average member of the human race should know. His words echoed in her head- she should have learnt this in school. </p><p>Love her, what a joke that was. </p><p>The Doctor pursed his lips as he began the dematerialisation sequence.</p><p>“What did we say about that, Rose? If I can’t, neither can you. Now, next, you’re going to guess where we are based on visual clues. Important knowledge for any traveller in time and space.”</p><p>“I can’t,” Rose croaked.  </p><p>“Yes, you can. You’re good at this part, Rose.” </p><p>Then he was bounding back out, a little overconfident, overplaying his excitement in what she assumed was a bid to rejuvenate her. She decided to shake off her feelings of inadequacy impress him with this part of the game, at least. </p><p>Looking around, she saw a row of identical suburban houses on a bitumen road lined with new looking cars. Union flags were stuck out some of their windows. Distantly down the street, she could hear the sound of drills. To her left were some posters lining a plywood wall. They featured a singer who she’d watched on The X Factor a few months before she’d met the Doctor, but they were promoting his greatest hits.  </p><p>“So, near future, yeah?” she said, trying to sound casual.  </p><p>“I had a passing fancy, only it didn’t pass, it stopped,” he drawled. </p><p>And that did it, she couldn’t help but spin around to see if he was proud of her. </p><p>He may have been schooling himself to sound just as casual, but she could see a hint of pride underneath. Rose tried not to grin as she skipped after him down the road.</p><p>“What else do you see?” he asked as they walked together, shoulders bumping shoulders, hips bumping hips. </p><p>“London 2012?” she said, spotting a poster strung high between two street polls. “Are you taking me to the Olympics?”</p><p>“Thirtieth Olympiad,” he announced, losing his casual composure and grinning joyfully at her. </p><p>“No way,” she burst out, linking her arm around his. “Why didn’t I think of this, that’s great!” </p><p>“See, what did I say? Quick thinking, intuitive, picks up on visual cues. My clever Rose.”</p><p>“Oh, Doctor,” she beamed. “Thank you.”</p><p>And then, to her absolute shock, he was telling her a loud, dirty joke and dorkily knocking her shoulder, right in the middle of the street as if it was normal behaviour for them. </p><p>Yeah, he had a bit of a cheeky gob in the bedroom when coaxed- she knew that. But he rarely said anything so explicitly sexual to her in a public setting. </p><p>What was that about?</p><p>Rose knew she must be gawking, but he didn’t seem to take any notice, leaping headlong into a more typical Doctor-style ramble instead. </p><p>“Just in time for the opening ceremony, doo da, tonight. Thought you’d like that,” he prattled, glancing back at her for approval. </p><p>It was then that she knew he’d really and truly heard what she said, the other day, about how she wanted him to romance her.</p><p>He’d heard. He’d thought about it. And he’d done his best to plan a romantic date for her. </p><p>Her heart felt fit to burst. </p><p>And then she was looking at posters of missing children.</p><p>It took him a little while to notice that her mood had whipped right back in the opposite direction again. </p><p>“The last one they had in London was dynamite. Wembley, 1948, I loved it so much I went back and watched it all over again. Fellow carrying the torch, lovely chap, what was his name? Mark? John? Mark? Legs like pipe cleaners but strong as a whippet.”</p><p>“Doctor.”</p><p>“And in those days, everyone had a tea party to go to.”</p><p>“Doctor!”</p><p>“You ever have those little cakes with the crunchy ball bearings on top?” </p><p>“You should really look at this.”</p><p>“You know those things? Nobody else in this entire galaxy has ever even bothered to make edible ball bearings. Genius!”</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t care what she had to say. His brain was just so hyperactive, so brilliant, so used to going at a million and one miles an hour, that he’d get himself stuck on these flights of fancy sometimes, to the complete detriment of his surroundings. </p><p>“Whose taken them, do you think?” he asked her seriously when he realised. “Snatching children from a thoroughly ordinary street like this.”</p><p>“Why would a person do something like this?” </p><p>The Doctor gave her a hard, alert stare, as if she’d surprised him somehow.</p><p>“What makes you think it’s a person?” he asked, but his voice was soft and kind, as if he genuinely wanted to understand her thought process.  </p><p>“S’people who hurt children most of the time, not aliens,” she chastised. “I was sixteen when I met Jimmy, he was- older.” </p><p>She couldn’t quite look him in the eye after she admitted that. She’d believed he’d already realised- maybe he hadn’t. Rose wanted to know what he thought about it, but then again she didn’t.   </p><p>“Not that I thought of myself as a child at the time, but I was.”</p><p>Her eyes caught on a woman taking her rubbish out of one of those stately homes. She was well-dressed, but she looked hurried. She shot them a suspicious look before rushing back inside. </p><p>Though the bedsit Rose had lived in all those years ago wasn’t in near as nice a area, there was something about the way the woman moved that reminded her of how her old neighbours had used to act round her and Jimmy. </p><p>“Whatever it is, it’s got the whole street scared to death,” Rose surmised.</p><p>Finally feeling braver, she turned her head to look back at the Doctor. But he was off running down the street without a single by your leave. </p><p>Rose flushed with humiliation. At what point had he stopped listening as she bared some more of her tattered soul to him? </p><p>The great swinging pendulum of her mood this morning had swung back round again. Fine, see if she cared. She could do some investigating on her own too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of course, the Doctor did care.</p><p>He just couldn’t deal with the surge of emotion that had hit him when Rose had started talking about her past. </p><p>They came across a lot of terrible things in their travels, and Rose always wanted to help. She practically radiated care and compassion for all living beings wherever they went. Watching other people realise that, realise how impressive she was, had fast become one of his favourite things about their travels together.  </p><p>But he’d noticed it in her voice from the beginning- there was something about these missing children that was hitting her particularly hard. </p><p>He hadn’t liked at first that she’d assumed it was a person who hurt those children- that wasn’t a logical deduction, was it, because it was usually aliens around them, wasn’t it? So how did she, usually so good with the logical deductions, reach that conclusion? </p><p>It was a conundrum. </p><p>A conundrum whose explanation unfortunately made too much sense. </p><p>Of course Rose had seen herself in those missing children. </p><p>The Doctor really didn’t like the reminder of how young she’d been when she’d been hurt by someone who was meant to cherish her, protect her, love her. And Jimmy’s hateful words from when he’d met the sorry excuse for a man still echoed in his head. </p><p>The Doctor also didn’t like the reminder of how young she was still, and off with another older man. Who had hurt her, again and again. Emotionally, certainly, by his own hand. And he was more than responsible for putting her in the way of regular physical harm, too. Was this just her trauma repeating itself? Was he just helping her continue old, unhealthy patterns? </p><p>Was this thing he felt for her, this desperate, all consuming, all too human need anything beyond his own selfishness? </p><p>Not too long ago it had been her face splashed across one of these missing persons posters because of him, after all. Nineteen year’s old- just a few years difference. </p><p>So the Doctor ran. </p><p>And found himself running into another reminder of just how much he hated himself.</p><p>His investigation of a strange disturbance in the energy field on the front lawn of someone’s home, by the children’s play equipment, drew the attention of a middle-aged man. Who come to think of it, was looking increasingly likely to be the owner of that front lawn and children’s play equipment- the whole house in fact and, hell, probably a sizeable mortgage.   Not that the Doctor knew much about mortgages. </p><p>This man from the neighbourhood, this family man, this upstanding father, this pillar of the community- was looking at him with suspicion. Suspecting he had something to do with  hurting the children. </p><p>Where was Rose? He needed Rose. </p><p>“I’m a police officer, that’s what I am,” he stuttered, backing up towards her. “I’ve got a badge and a police car. You don’t have to get- I can prove it, hold on… See look, I’ve got a colleague, Lewis.”</p><p>“Well she looks less like a coppa than you do,” said the man angrily.  </p><p>“She’s training. New recruit. It was either that or hairdressing, so. Voila!”</p><p>Even as the Doctor said it, he knew he’d made a mistake.</p><p>One moment Rose was happily playing along with his ruse, and the next moment she was still keeping up with the ruse, but the light had left her eyes. Her smile became false; her eyes were saying something else entirely.  </p><p>She even flinched a little when he yelled at the arguing group of neighbours to place their fingers on their lips. </p><p>He tried to make her laugh by insisting she do so too. She refused at first, but ended up copying him at his stubborn insistence and he could tell it tickled her sensibilities despite her better judgement. </p><p>So he continued to make a show of it, dolling out permission for each person in the neighbourhood to remove their fingers from their lips and speak their peace one at a time.</p><p>That saved him only for a time. </p><p>“Come on,” he said, trying to distract her when the neighbours dispersed, scurrying nervously back to hide in their picture-perfect homes again. “There was some ionic energy I was checking out over here before that man cornered me. Let’s go have a proper look.” </p><p>“Hairdressing?” she asked, all too casually, keeping just a step behind him. </p><p>“Oh, now Rose-” </p><p>“S’alright. Nice to be reminded what you really think of me.”</p><p>“Rose, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t think,” he practically begged, reaching for her hand as they worked.</p><p>But Rose recoiled, tucking her arm into her stomach. Tucking herself away from him. </p><p>“Shows what you know,” she continued bitterly. “You need actual qualifications to be a hairdresser. I didn’t even finish school, remember?”</p><p>“Because of what happened to you,” he replied earnestly, sliding to a stop and looking into her eyes. “When you were only a child- didn’t you just finish telling me that?”</p><p>She dropped his gaze. </p><p>“Guess you were listening after all. Nah, I always used to say that was it, but the truth is I never did any well at school before that, neither.”</p><p>God help his overactive gob. After this morning’s disastrous episode with their flying lessons, he had tried to get her back on track with his ongoing project to build her confidence through constructing another little guessing game about their date.  </p><p>And now they were back to square one, all because his outstanding lack of empathy and inability to think before he opened his big, stupid mouth. </p><p>What could he say to make it up to her? </p><p>He smacked his lips together.</p><p>“You can go back and get you’re A Levels, if you want,” he began again, rationalising. “Otherwise, I can teach you more travelling with me than you’d ever learn in that primitive little twenty first century education system. You’re dead clever, you just learn differently- by seeing, by doing. In the meantime, I don’t want to hear you put yourself down again in front of me.” </p><p>“Yeah, whatever.”</p><p>She still sounded upset. He tried again. </p><p>“So, let’s focus on the problem at hand. Do you smell it? What’s it remind you of?”</p><p>“Sort of, metal?” </p><p>“Mmm-hmm,” he affirmed with a grin. </p><p>“Oh!” she said, sounding pleased with herself again to his relief. </p><p>“I can feel more… this way. Allons-y, Rose Tyler!” </p><p>Leading her down the thin alleyway between the houses, the Doctor tried to bring up their couple’s joke- was it a couple’s joke? The joke about his manly hairy hands, anyway. But she didn’t take the bait. </p><p>Rose was ignoring his antics, still, staying focused on the missing children. </p><p>As was good and proper. </p><p>And then he heard her say “Aren’t you a beautiful boy?”</p><p>The tension gushed out of his shoulders. She’d forgiven him! Obviously- why else would she be paying him the much longed for compliment about how he’d styled his hair differently for her this morning, hoping to impress her. Backcombing created volume- she loved his voluminous brown hair- perhaps she’d love more of it. Perhaps she’d run her fingers through it. </p><p>Perhaps she’d even let him make love to her again when they wrapped up this adventure and returned home?</p><p>“Thanks!” he replied enthusiastically. “I’m experimenting with backcombing.” </p><p>Perhaps she’d even let him make love to her again when they wrapped up this adventure and returned home?</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>She was talking to a cat. </p><p>It wasn’t a compliment, after all.</p><p>He made up some lie about disliking cats ever since being threatened by one in a nun’s wimple, but really he was just disappointed in his own vanity. </p><p>Perhaps some time investigating on her own would help her feel more confident in our own abilities, as well as give her time to lick her own wounds away from what must be his very grating presence. </p><p>Whenever they split up, Rose invariably either found something important out or got herself into trouble and needed rescuing. And he was betting on the former today, because this situation seemed fairly safe, relatively speaking. That thing, human or alien, whatever it may be (and he was betting alien), was only taking the vulnerable- children and animals. </p><p>And she wasn’t a child, or an animal. </p><p>Rose would return to him safe and with spirits bucked. </p><p>“See what you can see. Keep ‘em peeled, Lewis,” he said, tapping her on the shoulder and watching her eyes flickering back and forth between his and the ground, her hair tossed over her face to obscure her expression. </p><p>It felt like she was hiding. Hiding from him. Yes, she was still upset. </p><p>He was the lowest man who ever lived.  </p><p>Then the Doctor heard a loud buzzing noise and saw her on the ground, curled into herself in defence, being attacked by an exceedingly strange creature. </p><p>“Stay still!” he cried franticly, brandishing the sonic like a weapon as he ran towards her. </p><p>With a flick of his hand, the creature was rendered inert. Beneath him, Rose caught it in her hands, panting heavily as she recovered from the attack.  </p><p>Rescue it was, then. </p><p>“Okey dokey?” he asked, grabbing her by the wrists to swing her up and into his arms. </p><p>“Yeah. Cheers,” she breathed.</p><p>“No probs.” </p><p>The barest rush of adrenaline and they couldn’t get close enough. His arms enfolded her waist, hers enfolded his neck, and they both squeezed so tightly as if to fold one another into their very being. </p><p>The Doctor felt the smallness and softness of her body cradled in his embrace. She purred a funny, growly sighing sound into his chest. He wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to hold her, always. </p><p>Eventually he had to let her go so they could examine the creature properly with the equipment inside the TARDIS, but it had felt like a thawing. </p><p>Back home, they stood closely together watching the monitor as it analysed the creature.</p><p>“What’s it say?” Rose asked peering at the screen, ever curious about his language. </p><p>To his uttermost delight.  </p><p>And then she had the idea about the child, that he hadn’t even noticed. He made sure to make more of a fuss of her ingenuity than usual, hoping he wasn’t laying it on too thick. But he wanted her to feel good about herself again. </p><p>So much. </p><p>“When we get inside the house,” the Doctor said quietly as they walked back down the street. “I’ll distract the mother. You find an excuse to look around the rest of the house, and see if you can speak to the child alone.” </p><p>“Thing is though, Doctor, if it’s her kid that’s been doing this- why would she even let us in at all? We’re complete strangers, wouldn’t she want to protect her child?”</p><p>“She thinks we’re police, she’s heard us say we want to help. It can’t be the child by itself, manipulating energy fields like that would take immense power and knowledge, so there has to be an alien force involved. And it has to be a recent change, not something she was born with, as children have only started going missing in the last few weeks. Make sense?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“So that means the mother will have noticed the change but be unable to explain it rationally- so she’ll be desperate for help but not know who to turn to. Yes, any mother would want to protect their child- so we’ll use that.” </p><p>“We use her love for her child by presenting ourselves as the only help that wouldn’t call her crazy.”  </p><p>“We are the only help who wouldn’t call her crazy, Rose.”</p><p>“Spose.” </p><p>“We’re not going to be cruel. We go in softly. We don’t push- we just highlight the fact that it’s our help or her by herself alone, which hasn’t been working so far obviously.” </p><p>“Still seems a bit manipulative.”</p><p>The Doctor pursed his lips. “There’s three- maybe four children’s lives on the line.” </p><p>“You’re right,” Rose said, staring out into the distance before snapping back to look upon the concerned frown on the Doctor’s face. “Sorry. Of course, you’re right- we need to save them.”</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trish had asked them to stay overnight, concerned about her daughter despite their removal of her colouring pencils after the Doctor had examined her.</p><p>They’d been set up in a perfectly ordinary spare bedroom upstairs together. Evidently their earlier ruse as police officers had failed to convince, or Trish has just been too absentminded with worry to pay it any mind because all their was in the spare bedroom was a double bed, completely inappropriate for colleagues (let alone a Time Lord and his human companion). </p><p>But there was nothing for it. It was natural for Trish to be afraid, and that's how the Doctor found himself stripping down to his henley and boxers and stumbling into bed beside Rose. Clad herself in her yellow shirt and a pair of knickers, she curled into him like a kitten as he reached a long arm out to turn off the light, casting them only in moonlight. The rough hairs of his gangly legs were tickled pleasantly by her smooth skin as she threaded her right leg between them. </p><p>Rose was thinking about the day.</p><p>About what he’d said when he’d discovered the Isolus, about it being desperate for love, and lost without it. About how he understood being lonely, about travelling so far, about wanting to be with someone, wanting to make a family. He'd been speaking to the room, but he’d stared into her eyes when he said it. His voice had been whisper soft. </p><p>It was as if he was using the Isolus to give voice to words he was too shy to utter as himself. </p><p>And then she’d just known she had to tell him. </p><p>“Heard you say you to Chloe you were rubbish at drawing,” she began timidly. “You liar. I loved my new drawing, by the way.” </p><p>“I’m glad you did,” he murmured, squeezing her shoulder.  “Just trying to find a developmentally appropriate way to get Chloe to open up about her interests. Thought I’d try a bit of modesty out for a change.” </p><p>Rose hid a grin. “You were good with her.”</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Yeah. You were... I dunno, speaking to her on her level, but not in a patronising way.  And that thing you did with your hands. What was that?” </p><p>“You know I’m a touch telepath.” </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well, that’s what I was doing.” </p><p>“Did your people used to communicate like that?” </p><p>“Sometimes, something like that, yeah.” </p><p>“You said it missed having those voices in its head.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Is it… Do you miss it, too?”</p><p>He hesitated.</p><p>“Yes, very much,” he finally said quietly. </p><p>Rose squeezed his middle, placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder.</p><p>“Sometimes, when we’re… I notice you touching me there. Could you do it with me?”</p><p>The Doctor sucked in a breath. </p><p>“Sorry, I’m being silly. It wouldn’t be the same, would it?” </p><p>“You’re not being silly,” he said, kissing her temple chastely. “You just shocked me a little. It’s… very intimate, what you just offered to do.”</p><p>“Doctor, we’re together- sleeping together.”</p><p>“We’re together, Rose,” he corrected her softly, shifting around on his side to more fully face her and linking their hands together. </p><p>Rose smiled shyly at him, inordinately pleased and yet hesitant still.  </p><p>“Then…?” </p><p>“This… between… sexual partners, it can be intimate like that.”</p><p>“So we could?”</p><p>“We could, theoretically… but… in my culture… it was taboo, I suppose, to do that outside of a bonded relationship- a marriage bond. Or for medical reasons, like I did today, of course.” </p><p>“You just say then, if that’s something you’d ever enjoy.” </p><p>“Oh, Rose."</p><p>“I’m sure I’d enjoy it. I enjoy everything you do.” </p><p>He kissed her chastely, then shifted onto his back.</p><p>“I wouldn’t… it’d be disrespectful. I wouldn’t shame you like that.”</p><p>“Okay,” she nodded, not quite understanding. “But if you ever need it…”</p><p>He nodded tersely towards the ceiling. </p><p>Rose looked at his pinched face, and felt herself loose her nerve. Suddenly the oblivion of sex seemed a better alternative than this conversation. She crept her hand up his chest to play teasingly with the hair peaking out of his shirt. </p><p>“Doctor,” she asked quietly, eyes wide. “Can we make love?” </p><p>He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing.</p><p>“Not here, Rose,” he stuttered, stopping her hand with his. “We’re in someone else’s house. They might hear.” </p><p>“So? We’re adults- what does it matter if they know?” </p><p>“It’s not that I’m ashamed of you, sweetheart. I’m so proud to be the lucky bastard who gets to have you on my arm. It was just, a private thing, to my people. Let me just hold you tonight, and we can talk.”</p><p>Ah. There was the rub. He could be oblivious, sometimes, but she was pretty sure from the look in his eye that he knew what had happened in this house between Chloe, Trish and her husband. He’d been shooting her concerned puppy dog eyes all day. </p><p>“You want to talk?” she replied frostily. “You know he used to hurt them, don’t you?” </p><p>“Yes,” he said gravely. </p><p>“Worried about me, then?”</p><p>“Yes, of course I was- Rose. This is bound to bring up difficult memories for you.”</p><p>“Spose.” </p><p>Today had been difficult for the Doctor as well, on many levels. Of course Rose, ever concerned with missing fathers, had asked Trish where Chloe’s Dad was. The story unravelled from there, and the Doctor knew it was bringing back memories for her.  </p><p>As soon as Trish had said her husband was better off dead, Rose had begun to rub at her face and leg, in what he knew was an unconscious attempt to self sooth. He tried to skate over it, hoping it wouldn’t be related to what Chloe was doing to the children in the neighbourhood, and Rose could be spared further pain. But of course it was, and of course Rose got it right from the start, and of course the situation only got worse for her. </p><p>She was strong. She barely let on. But the situation was difficult. Being in the house was difficult, even for the Doctor himself, who’d never been in a physically abusive relationship. Only a hint of anger cracked through from Rose at Trish’s denial of the problem, and he knew in that moment she was really angry at her self as well, and would be angry again at herself shortly for losing her temper with a victim. </p><p>And the way Rose had been drawn to the monster in the cupboard… That had troubled him greatly. She’d been caught by it, unable to look away from it, had even encouraged him to look at it too. </p><p>He hated to see her suffering. He hated that it reminded him again of why he was probably bad for her. He hated that Trish’s inability to deal with Chloe’s trauma reminded him of his own inability to deal with his own children’s different emotional landscapes, proper Time Lords and Ladies that they were. </p><p>He hated that Rose was curious about why he was so good with Chloe. Honoured that she thought he was, wanted to believe it. Wanted her to believe it. And was worried that with all of her smarts she may have been close to suspecting something that had a good chance of being within the general ballpark of the truth. </p><p>He hated his own inability to tell her that he had been a father. </p><p>And most of all, he hated that interacting with this child had made yearn again for a child of his own. With Rose. </p><p>Rose, who hadn’t interacted much with Chloe herself, which was strange. </p><p>Matter of fact, he’d never seen her much interact with children.</p><p>And yet, with her usual emotional competency, the thought struck him that she had recognised that Chloe’s trauma had been compounded by having no one to talk to about it, not even her own mother. There was a question in that. </p><p>“Earlier there. You asked Trish if she ever talked to Chloe about what happened to her. You said maybe that was why Chloe felt so alone. Why’d you say that?”</p><p>Rose shrugged.</p><p>“Did you ever talk to anyone about what happened to you? I wouldn’t have thought you’d have had access to that, for your time and- well-” </p><p>“I couldn't. Mickey saw some of it but... You’re the only one I ever really told any of it too.”</p><p>“I thought so. But then… why were you so certain talking about it would help?” </p><p>“I guess, cause it has helped me, talking to you ‘bout some of it and… not having you… turn away, or judge me.”</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he breathed as if he were full of wonder. “You mean you talked to me.”</p><p>“Course I did. Who else would I mean?”</p><p>He kissed her on the forehead again and clasped her body to his in a rocking motion, unable as he was to reply to her verbally. </p><p>How wonderful it made him feel that she did believe talking to him about those horrible things she’d never told anyone else had helped her.</p><p>How awful he felt that he couldn’t bring himself to confide in her about why he’d found today traumatic too, beyond his concern about herself of course. </p><p>He’d barely scratched even scratched the surface on what touch telepathy had meant to him, and how he missed the presence of his family in his mind. Of anyone in his mind. </p><p>He’d failed his children when they were alive, and now they were dead.</p><p>That part of his life was dead too. </p><p>He’d never have a family again. Could never impose himself on her, want it as he did. Could never bind her to him, use her as a brood mare. Bring another bastard half-breed into the world, love it together, only to have the child lose its mother so young and be stuck with a monster and start the sorry cycle all over again. </p><p>And Rose had lost her own father so young, too. As much as he hated the thought, it was probably what drew her to Jimmy. Drew her to himself. </p><p>But having had experienced that, she’d understand why he could never father a child on her. </p><p>Not that he had any indication that she’d want to bear his child. In fact, the only thing she’d ever said to him about it was that she didn’t- admittedly in response to his own clumsily expressed fear of impregnating her during their first copulation. </p><p>Wasn’t it the height of hubris that she’d even give becoming his wife a passing thought?</p><p>They were two lonely children, the both of them. They made each other feel less alone. It was a nice fantasy. </p><p>While it lasted.</p><p>Rose wiggled in his arms. He leaned back so he could see her face, and could tell that she wanted to say something else. He stroked her hair softly, encouraging her to unburden herself as he kept his own burden caged as always like the sorry hypocrite he was.</p><p>“2012… that would have been about nine years. This could have been me,” she said, too casually. But she was watching his reaction like a hawk. </p><p>“What do you mean by that?” he asked with a sinking feeling. </p><p>“Once, I got pregnant, with Jimmy.”</p><p>“Oh Rose,” he responded softly, “How old were you?”</p><p>“Seventeen.”</p><p>“You were just a child, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Yeah. He went mental when I told him. Beat me till I lost it. That’s how I ended up in hospital, that time. Got lucky I ‘spose. If I hadn’t…” she said, nodding to her surrounds.</p><p>No wonder it was hard for her, being here. No wonder she had trouble talking to Chloe, had gotten angry at Trish. And what had he said to her? </p><p>Any mother would want to protect their child. </p><p>“You wouldn’t have raised your child like this, Rose.” </p><p>“Thanks, but you didn’t know me back then.” </p><p>“I know you. You’re strong. You would have left.” </p><p>“You think?” </p><p>“Yes,” he said, with certainty, “You would have been a great mum.” </p><p>Rose burst into tears. </p><p>The Doctor held Rose as she wept.</p><p>When her eyes dried, he opened his mouth to tell her about his own children.</p><p>But the words stuck in his throat. Cause he really meant it- she would have been the most wonderful mother any child could have. She was so kind, and loving, and clever, and warm. And she’d had that chance taken away from her in the cruellest way possible.  </p><p>But he wasn’t a good father. And yet he’d been given chance after chance... and what he'd done with it... it was unspeakably unfair. </p><p>So he kissed her again instead, and ran his hands across her body, massaging her shoulders and her waist and her hips until she was grinding herself against his crooked knee.   </p><p>“May I?” he asked, hand moving to the zip of his jeans. </p><p>“But you said, not here.” </p><p>“Weeell… but I also remember saying I wanted to make you come on my hand the last time we were in London, that promise has yet gone unfulfilled. What do you think Rose, reckon you can be quiet?”</p><p>“Y-yes. I’ll- I’ll be quiet. Please, Doctor.” </p><p>He slid down her zip and ghosted his index finger up and down her pussy until she was begging him to pull down her knickers and put something inside her. When she could take no more, he did so, encouraging her to ride his fingers as his thumb stroked slow circles around her clit. In her ear, he whispered all the dirty filth he could think of, like how she felt between her legs and what he liked about each part of her body. </p><p>“I, I can’t…” she moaned desperately in his arms.</p><p>“Sssh…” he said. “There, there. Just relax into it, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Oh, you look so beautiful, sweetheart. You’re gorgeous. Just let go, Rose.”</p><p>She came gasping “I love you, I love you,” into his neck. </p><p>The Doctor’s hearts stuttered in his chest. </p><p>The words were… but humans tended to say things, in the throes of orgasm, didn’t they? And even if she did think she meant it… </p><p>It was best not to reply. </p><p>She didn't know him, really. And if she did, she certainly wouldn't love him. </p><p>So instead he stroked her down tenderly, kissing her temple, cooing into her ear, sliding her knickers back up and soothing her as she fell into a heavy sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose awoke with a bolt the next day, flinging herself out of bed and onto her knees on the clean white tiles of the small suburban bathroom across the hall.</p><p>Stomach heaving, head swaying, she clutched at the porcelain. She felt weak, she felt miserable. </p><p>The night before, she’d told the Doctor something she’d wanted to tell him for quite some time. And his response had been overwhelming kind and supportive. So overwhelming that as he’d held her, as she’d come apart in his arms, she’d bleated her love for him. </p><p>And he hadn’t said it back. </p><p>But he had kissed her temple, stroked her back. Murmured sweet nothings into her ear.</p><p>And earlier, before that, he said that they were together. He’d even opened up some more about his culture, his past.  </p><p>That meant something. It had to. </p><p>The creak of the door opening behind her brought her out of her ruminations.  </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” his soft voice sighed.</p><p>And then he crouched behind her and swept her light tresses up into a ponytail between his fingers, leaning her into him for support as her stomach continued to heave. </p><p>Tears leaked out of her eyes against her will.</p><p>“There, there,” he soothed. “There, there.”</p><p>After she was finished, he gently leaned her against the porcelain again and moved to wet a towel with hot water. Crouching down next to her, he wiped gently across her face. Rose closed her eyes as the warmth melted into her skin. </p><p>“Thank you,” she croaked.</p><p>He regarded her quietly, eyes large and serious. </p><p>“This has been too much for you,” he said. </p><p>“No,” she shook her head. “I’m fine.” </p><p>“Rose,” he replied compassionately, head tilting. “There’s no need to do that. I think I understand a bit about post-traumatic stress, don’t you?” </p><p>“I-I suppose. Maybe it is.” </p><p>“Did you have a nightmare, earlier? About it?” </p><p>“I… don’t really remember,” Rose said, brow furrowing. “Do Time Lords have nightmares, too? Do you have nightmares about the war?” </p><p>“I- yes.”</p><p>“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I brought you into this.”</p><p>“You didn’t bring me into anything.”</p><p>“Still.”</p><p>“You’re not shutting me out of this, Doctor. Trish and Chloe- I’m staying to help them.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of stopping you,” he sighed, rising to his feet and offering her a hand. “Come on. Let me think about what to do next over breakfast.”</p><p>He led her down the stairs and sat her down at the little table in the kitchen. Snatching up the offending jam jar from the afternoon before, Rose watched him as he commandeered the room with his customary gracelessness. </p><p>Rose smiled weakly at him as he passed her the first plate of strawberry toast, touched by the gesture.  </p><p>“We’ll soon have you feeling better,” he smiled back as Trish and Chloe walked into the room.  </p><p>“You’ve been feeling poorly this morning, Rose?” Trish asked as if she already knew.</p><p>“Sorry, did I wake you?” Rose whipped around, shooting her a frightened look. </p><p>“It’s no trouble,” Trish replied as she met Rose’s eyes. </p><p>The Doctor looked between them both, eyebrows raised. </p><p>Pop went the toaster.</p><p>“Chloe, remember when I said my drawing was a bit rubbish?” the Doctor drawled, smacking great globs of jam onto his slices. “Well, do you mind if I have another look at your drawings while you’re Mum is making breakfast? Reckon you might give me some inspiration.” </p><p>Chloe stared back at him.</p><p>The Doctor shoved his first slice of toast into his gob. </p><p>“What do you say, Chloe?” Trish said to the unblinking child. “Course that’s be alright with her, Doctor. Go on and show him.”</p><p>Chloe turned dutifully back up the stairs as the Doctor shoved the second slice into his gob, smacking down the empty plate against the sink and traipsing after her. Rose winced at the trail of crumbs falling in his wake. </p><p>Ever aware that they were in someone else’s house, Rose thought the least she could was to wash up their dishes while Trish made her own breakfast. </p><p>“He doesn’t know?” she asked softly, glancing at Rose beside her. </p><p>“Doesn’t know what?” Rose breezed. </p><p>Trish shot her a reproachful look. </p><p>“I don’t even know… that I am.” </p><p>“Sounded like morning sickness to me.” </p><p>“But I can’t be. I just can’t.”</p><p>“That’s what I thought with Chloe. Don’t worry- I won’t say anything to him. But I don’t reckon he’d mind. He’s besotted with you.” </p><p>Rose blushed. </p><p>“You think?” </p><p>“From what I’ve seen.” </p><p>“I dunno,” she muttered, ducking her head. </p><p>“He’s good with Chloe. Might want to be starting a family, soon. He looks a bit older than you, yeah?” </p><p>Rose snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.” </p><p>Trish’s brow wrinkled. </p><p>“I just… I mean, you’re right, he’s older than he looks, that’s all,” Rose rushed to explain. “Sometimes I think… But I don’t really know… what he wants, what he feels, anything.” </p><p>“Go on. I think you should tell him.” </p><p>“I’ve got an idea,” announced the Doctor, bouncing back into the kitchen. “Rose, we should go back to our… lab to do some analysis. Chloe’s watching the telly in her room, Trish. Countdown to the Olympics, jolly good. Don’t leave her alone and don’t let her at any of those pencils.” </p><p>“Alright,” Trish nodded.</p><p>“What’s your idea, then?” Rose asked as the Doctor led her out. </p><p>“We need that pod,” the Doctor explained energetically as he whipped his coat back on. </p><p>“It crashed, won’t it be destroyed?”</p><p>“Well, it’s been sucking in all the heat it can, hopefully that should keep it in a fit state to launch. It must be close, it should have a weak energy signature that the TARDIS can trace. Once we find it, then we can stop the Isolus.” </p><p>Back in the console room, Rose sat on the jump seat watching the Doctor work. But her mind was running a million miles an hour, thinking about what the Doctor had said, about the Isolus, and about himself. </p><p>About being lonely, about being desperate to be loved.</p><p>About having nightmares. </p><p>About wanting to make a family, and how he’d looked at her so tenderly when he said it. </p><p>And how he’d said she’d make a great mother. </p><p>He was the last of his kind. </p><p>He was lonely. </p><p>Could he actually want a family?</p><p>Maybe that was something she could give him, after all. </p><p>But she couldn’t just come right out and say it, could she? Not with him. He spooked… more than easy. And she didn’t even know that she was, yet. It could just be stress, like he said. Those other times she’d been ill, lately, it’d been after stressful things had happened. </p><p>That said, quite a bit of their life was stressful things happening. </p><p>Still, even if she wasn’t, maybe she could feel him out. See if that might be something he might want her to possibly offer. Sometime in the future.</p><p>She began tentatively. </p><p>“You knew the Isolus was lonely before it told you, how?” </p><p>The Doctor shoved her off the jump seat with his hip. </p><p>“I know what it’s like to travel a long way on your own.” </p><p>But then he was trailing off a list of instructions and, to her shock, defending the behaviour of the Isolus because it was a child.  </p><p>“Kids can’t have it all their own way, that’s part of being a family,” she said, feeling her hackles rise.</p><p>She’d been around lonely, scared children, growing up on the estate. Had been one herself, at times, and had done more than her share of babysitting her cousins. Yes, sometimes lonely, scared children lashed out, but she drew a line when they were hurting other children.   </p><p>Children had been taken from their homes. Chloe had been possessed; Trish was frightened out of her mind. Sometimes adults needed to put their foot down and everyone would be the better for it. And she thought it was pretty rich of the Doctor to lecture her, when he’d never had to take the responsibility of looking after children himself. </p><p>“What about trying to understand them?” the Doctor replied, thinking of his own childhood, and how lonely and misunderstood he’d felt. </p><p>How different his emotions were, and how no one had really tried to understand him after his mother was gone, not his tutors or his classmates or even his own father. </p><p>How at a time he’d felt like he’d rip the world apart to be with his mother again. </p><p>How despite all that, he’d struggled to understand the emotions of his own children- proper Time Lords and Ladies that they were.</p><p>How he’d gotten another chance with Susan, and done it a little better, that time. </p><p>He was genuinely surprised to hear Rose being so unempathetic. That wasn’t like her at all, and he couldn’t quite believe she actually felt that way. </p><p>And then she’d thrown out that final statement snidely, so sure she was right. </p><p>“Easy for you to say, you don’t have kids.”</p><p>Something in him bristled at the falsehood, and suddenly he couldn’t keep the truth inside him any longer. </p><p>He needed her to know. </p><p>“I was a Dad, once,” he said simply. </p><p>“What did you say?” she gasped. </p><p>And now she sounded shocked, and hurt, and so less sure of herself. </p><p>All when he was trying desperately to make her feel more sure of herself. </p><p>He suddenly felt he’d made a mistake. </p><p>Not in the telling of it- he’d wanted her to know, truly. Rightly or wrongly, he wanted to peel away his skin and reveal this part of his aching soul to her, and, he hoped, have her soothe the wound with her usual warmth and acceptance.  </p><p>But he just might have made a mistake in how he’d said it. </p><p>So he decided to deflect, launching headlong into a babble about nothing. </p><p>Rose could barely stand to listen. </p><p>How could he have never told her? Not even last night, after what she’d revealed to him.</p><p>He made her feel like they were getting closer, and then just casually dropped something like that and clammed up again. Did she even know him?</p><p>He was her best friend, her lover. She'd let him into her heart, into her body. </p><p>She'd trusted him with something she’d never even told a soul. She'd thought... </p><p>Was it all just an illusion? The false confidences, the sweet words. </p><p>Did it all mean nothing, after all?</p><p>She could barely summon the strength to hide the hurt from her face this time. </p><p>And still she couldn't help but smile when he mistook her absent minded pointing at the beeping screen while her mind raced a million miles an hour and her world crashed down around her for another show of affection to him. </p><p>And he'd shot her that smile. And he'd reached out to grab her hand. </p><p>How many other women had melted at the smile, had thought they knew him, had held out their hands to temporarily keep his loneliness at bay? </p><p>She was nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. </p><p>She snatched her hand away, but he barely seemed to notice.</p><p>"Everything's coming up Doctor," he said, slapping her on the arse and running off. </p><p>She wanted to die. </p><p>She walked after him instead, barely able to lift her legs at first. </p><p>But when she caught up with him at the door, she realised she could barely stand to let him see her. She strode out of the TARDIS ahead of him, fists clenched.</p><p>Alright, Rose thought, he wanted to hide behind metaphors? She could play that game, too. </p><p>A binary dot heated up under her index finger and fused metal together. A bazoolium was always hot on an asteroid with no atmosphere. The pod of a travelling Isolus travelled via heat. </p><p>Sometimes chemical reactions were just chemical reactions. </p><p>“So these pods, they travel from some sun using heat, yeah?” she spat out vindictively. “So it’s not all about love and stuff. Doesn’t the pod just need heat then?”</p><p>Go on, Doctor, she thought to herself. Tell me we’re just heat. </p><p>But then he was gone.</p><p>And she desperately wanted him back, however he wanted her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor returned to her in the end.</p><p>It had been late in the evening by the time she’d finally spotted him sauntering up the street. They’d missed watching the ceremony together, but the Doctor had said he still wanted them to see some of the games. </p><p>When they’d gone to say goodbye, Trish had offered them the spare bed for the night again, telling them they could easily set off early from her house on the local bus in the morning. Rose had demurred, wanting nothing more than to return to the TARDIS after their difficult day, but she hadn’t the energy to explain to Trish that the portable lab they’d mentioned earlier was also their home. A home that could skip directly forward to tomorrow, too.  </p><p>The Doctor seemed to have other plans. </p><p>“Come on,” he said to Rose, with a tilt of his head. “It’s been a long day. Tomorrow will wait.” </p><p>Rose spent the night curled into him, clinging to him in the small suburban bedroom; shaken by his earlier revelation about being a father, afraid of his ominous warning about a storm approaching. </p><p>When light broke, and Rose felt the tell-tale nausea rising in her, she tried to creep more quietly down the hall this time. But he’d appeared behind her all the same. </p><p>Knees pressed firmly to the cold tiles, she shot him a shaky look over her shoulder. He was staring down at her, brow furrowed, hands tucked into his pockets. </p><p>“You’re still ill,” he said seriously. </p><p>“Yeah,” she panted.</p><p>“I didn’t think- did something happen I didn’t see that upset you, Rose?” </p><p>“Spose so. You could see everything in Chloe’s room, from out the drawing, yeah? But after you came back to life- well, all the drawings came back to life.” </p><p>“Right…” the Doctor responded, brow furrowing further. </p><p>“Chloe drew her Dad, remember?” </p><p>“Oh my god, Rose. How could I not have realised? Did he hurt you?” </p><p>“Nah. He just locked Chloe and Trish in the house, somehow, and I was on the other side of the door, trying to guess at how to stop him.”</p><p>“You were scared,” the Doctor stated flatly.</p><p>“It was horrible.” </p><p>“But you did stop him.” </p><p>“I thought, perhaps, if Chloe’s fears made him real then if she wasn’t afraid, he’d disappear. Told Trish to comfort her, sing to her. Luckily it worked.”</p><p>“Rose- but that’s brilliant. Really, truly brilliant. And everything else- you found the pod, on your own, without the scanner. You got my message about the torch, and you figured out how to get it into the torch. My clever Rose.”</p><p>“Course I did,” Rose said, blushing at the compliment. “Had to get you back, didn’t I?” </p><p>“Oh, Rose. And I didn’t even think to ask,” he said, running a hand messily through his hair. “I’m such a selfish, miserable bastard, that it never even occurred to me to ask if anything happened to you when I was gone.”</p><p>“That’s not true. You’re wonderful,” Rose exhaled, a look of naked, honest adoration exposed across her features.</p><p>The Doctor started, mouth dropping open for just a moment before swallowing hard. </p><p>“Come on, Rose,” he said after a moment, and extended his hand to her. “Let’s get out of this place. Have a nice, fun day out at the games. If you’re feeling up to it, that is.” </p><p>“Course I am,” Rose said, smiling bravely. “Might ask Trish if she don’t mind lending me a change of clothes, though, ‘for we head out. Don’t know if I can pull off the same outfit look quite like you do.” </p><p> </p><p>Hand in hand, hurtling from venue to venue, they had a jolly, normal day together. The sun was bright in the sky. The Doctor was sat by her side in the stands for each game, pointing out the rules and different titbits of trivia, smiling his goofy smile and snagging her cotton candy and chips and soda. As dates went, it was overwhelmingly human (though of course it far exceeded any one she’d been taken on till she’d met him), and Rose wondered if he wasn’t trying to get in touch with that side of himself again. </p><p>Their happy mood continued until the afternoon, when Rose spotted a pharmacy during one of their walks between venues. This morning was the third time he’d seen her being sick. Trish had sympathetically interrogated her again when they were going through her wardrobe, and she’d whispered a pointed good luck as they’d hugged goodbye. </p><p>She couldn’t pretend the problem didn’t exist, anymore. And she needed definitive proof. </p><p>“Doctor,” Rose said, stopping him. “I’ll just be a sec, yeah? I need to pop in and get something. Meet me back here in 10?” </p><p>“What?” he pouted. “Why can I not come with you?” </p><p>“Cause it’s… personal, yeah? Female things?”</p><p> “That hardly matters to me, Rose. I am your Doctor, after all,” he grinned cheekily, waggling his eyebrows. </p><p>“Doctor…” </p><p>“Alright,” he shrugged easily. “I’ll just mind my own business, then. Wait here for you. Try not to get into trouble.”</p><p>“Don’t strain anything on my account,” Rose grinned despite herself. <br/>There was a cash machine outside the pharmacy, and Rose decided to stop to withdraw the cash first. It was six years in her future, relatively speaking. The Doctor had zapped her card so it worked without an expiry date, and she was pretty sure she couldn’t have spent all the money she’d just deposited in there from his little gift, but she was an experienced enough time traveller at this point to realise she didn’t know for sure she’d have enough balance. And she really didn’t want to be embarrassed at the till, considering what she was about to buy. </p><p>But when she entered her card, the balance didn’t display at all. Instead she got a message saying that her account had been cancelled. </p><p>She jogged back to the Doctor where he was waiting nonchalantly across the street. </p><p>“Doctor, ‘s like...” she began hesitantly, rubbing her arm at his raised eyebrow. “I went to the cash machine, and it said my account was cancelled.” </p><p>She watched his face cloud intensely before wiping blank. </p><p>“Why would my card be cancelled?  It’s only 2012. And I just put thousands of pounds in there.” </p><p>She hoped he would say something reassuring. But the Doctor just stared back at her, his face unreadable. </p><p>“I know I said… but can I- can I… Can I borrow some money, please?” </p><p>“Of course,” he said, expression cracking into a poor mimicry of his earlier happy grin as he grabbed her by the hand and brought her back to the cash machine. </p><p>She watched him lean in to block the camera, before zapping the machine with her sonic. Handing her another ridiculous wad of cash she suspected he had no idea the value of his expression became tender again. </p><p>“You don’t ever need to worry about asking, Rose,” he said softly. </p><p>“Thanks,” she smiled shakily, touched by his reassurance but unnerved by the situation still. </p><p>“Alright, well. I’ll just be off, then?” he said, staring at her expectedly. </p><p>“I’ll be back in a mo’” she responded gratefully, watching him walk away before she entered the pharmacy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They sat quietly together on the back seat of a double decker bus as it crawled back to the suburbs late in the night. </p><p>Rose brought his wandering mind back to reality with a jolt as she broke the silence.</p><p>“Doctor, you said something to me, before you disappeared.” </p><p>“I’m sure I did,” he began to babble. “Think we’ve established I’ve got a bit of a gob this time round, along with my manly hairy hands and my-“ </p><p>“Stop,” she cut him off sharply, before dissolving into hurt. “I told you… I’d never told anyone that. And you just…”</p><p>He sighed.</p><p>“I’m over 900 years old, Rose. You thought I’d never procreated? You seemed to manage that well enough after only seventeen years.”</p><p>Rose flinched in pain, obviously devastated by his words. </p><p>“H-how could you be a father? You never mention them,” she bayed. “And you said you never wanted to be a father.” </p><p>“I said I never wanted to father a child on you,” he corrected coldly. </p><p>“Fuck,” she gasped, curling forward onto her knees. “I’m so stupid. I thought… Oh my god. Oh my god.” </p><p>He watched as Rose stumbled up, fringe hanging down over her face, and fumbled at the buzzer. On wobbly knees, she walked down the aisle, bracing herself on the seats to either side of her when the bus ground to a sudden stop. </p><p>Fists squeezed the metal bars, and she gathered herself.</p><p>Rose turned back to look at him. </p><p>“I was wrong," she said through messy tears. "You are a miserable bastard."</p><p>He opened his mouth, wanting to tell her not to go off upset on her own, wanting to tell her he was sorry. Ever impotent, they wouldn't come. </p><p>He licked his lip.  </p><p>She turned away.</p><p>Moments later he saw her through the window, hands wrapped around her waist, running blindly into the night. </p><p>The bus hurtled forward again. </p><p>A slice of cold fear ran through him. She was well and truly alone, upset and vulnerable, in the middle of the night- in a city she knew, yes, but outside her time. On the list of dangerous situations he's put her in, it was hardly the worst, but the protective mate in him wanted to follow her. Keep her safe, from aliens and drunk drivers and strange men and all the other hideous scenarios his experienced mind was conjuring. </p><p>He knew however that neither of them were in a state to be around each other at the moment. </p><p>She’d hit a sore spot, with his children. </p><p>Dead. Both of them, dead. And by his hand.</p><p>So he’d lashed out at her, by bringing up her own dead child. Bringing up her age, as he knew she was ashamed at how young she’d been. </p><p>Then he’d really gone for the jugular and used her feelings of being beneath him. </p><p>When in fact the truth was the opposite. She was kind, and strong, and compassionate. She would have been a great mum. </p><p>He murdered his children.</p><p>She wasn’t his brood mare. To use and abuse to restart his race. Having her ask questions like that, get romantic ideas into her head, think she loved him and would like to be the mother to his litter of quarter-breeds- that was dangerous. Dangerous thoughts like those needed to be cut off at the root.</p><p>Especially since her lack of bank account just six years ahead in her own timeline likely meant she was likely dead well before her time. </p><p>Six years, six years… he ran the numbers around his head. </p><p>She’d be gone before she was just twenty-six. </p><p>Course, she could’ve lived years longer than twenty-six outside her own time zone. But he wouldn’t take her that far out without regularly returning her to her mother, in sync with each other’s ageing, so as not to shock- or anger- Jackie. </p><p>There were other options, other possibilities. Perhaps mother and daughter would have a fight, or it was Jackie who’d pass away, and Rose wouldn’t want to go back. Or perhaps Rose would fall in love with someone else, and ask to be left outside her time. </p><p>With his life, he knew what the likeliest option was. </p><p>She was dead and gone, maybe even long gone, by 2012. </p><p>How could he father a child on her, just to have its mothered ripped away?</p><p> </p><p>Back in the TARDIS, he unhappily found himself staring at the rotor for some hours while he awaited her return, thoughts ruminating and ruminating in circles.</p><p>Yes, he was right to cut her off before she’d said what he knew was coming- a clumsy, tender offer to let him father children on her. </p><p>Letting her make such an offer was unacceptable for so many reasons. For his people, whom he was the last representative of, who he'd disgrace by further polluting his already polluted bloodline. For Rose, whose potentiality he’d tear away. For the child, who’d watch its mother die before it should, be it in six years or sixty. Who’d then be left with a cruel, miserable bastard of a father and no-one else. </p><p>For the universe, who he’d let burn to be with them. </p><p>For himself, who lost everything, always. Who couldn’t bear to take her as a wife and breed her and have a family just to lose it all again.  </p><p>Who would breed her, given half an offer, given the slightest silver of a chance.  </p><p>But the way he’d lashed out at her about it was too harsh. </p><p>He knew that even as he was saying it. </p><p>He needed to get control of himself. Should have known it’d come up eventually, taking a young human woman into his bed. </p><p>He’d really hoped she’d be more sensible that that.</p><p>But that wasn’t fair, really, to suppose because she understood him so easily- as if they weren't even a different species- on so many other things that they’d be of the same mind on this.</p><p>Rose was young. Human. </p><p>She might even think she loved him. </p><p>He needed to explain it to her, more kindly, in terms she’d understand. </p><p>And he needed to beg forgiveness for his unforgiveable words on the bus.</p><p>Just as he was half mad with worry, she slinked back into the TARDIS. </p><p>Her arms were wrapped around her still, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. She hurried across the console room, heading for the corridor towards their living quarters, and he could tell she hoped he’d leave her unmolested. </p><p>But unable to talk earlier, he now found himself unable to prevent it. </p><p>“You can’t run off on your own, like that, in a foreign time, you know. It’s dangerous,” he chided, voice echoing across the quiet.   </p><p>Rose froze like a rabbit for a moment. Movement returning, lifting her chin slightly, she chose a fixed point on the floor behind him to stare at and waited, half-sullen, half-frightened. </p><p>“Rose, what I said about what happened when you were seventeen,” he began, trying to apologise.</p><p>“Stop,” she said in the coldest, deadest voice he’d ever heard from her. “Nothing happened when I was seventeen. I should have never told you that.”</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he said softly, feeling as if his chest were about to shatter into pieces. </p><p>“Nothing happened,” she repeated mechanically. </p><p>The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. This was fast becoming a mess. </p><p>“Try and understand. It’s not that you aren’t good enough- you’d be a great mother. I want that for you, I hope you will have that, one day. But it can never be with me.”</p><p>“Right, well," she chuckled hollowly. "Guess you’ve been having a right laugh about all that forever stuff, yeah?”</p><p>“Not laughing- I just, you’re very young, Rose. I know you think you mean it, now…”</p><p>“No- don’t. I get it. I’m a bit slow, but I finally get it, yeah?” </p><p>“D-do you?” he stuttered, peering at her warily. </p><p>“Course I do,” she said, and he could tell she was forcing her voice to be light. “You’re lonely, I’m here, we’re having fun. That’s all, and that’s fine. I’m grateful to you for everything, for taking me, really, I am. Do me a favour though, yeah?” </p><p>He nodded imperceptibly, afraid. </p><p>“Give me a rest tonight, from all the fun we’ve been having,” she snarled. “Promise I’ll forgot all this and you can have some more fun with me tomorrow.”</p><p>The implication was obvious, and it made him sick to his stomach.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Part Eight: Ghosts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, as she leant beside the toilet bowl after a night of not sleeping, she made a decision.</p><p>When she tried to imagine leaving him, really tried to visualise it, she just couldn’t. She wanted to be around him; in whatever capacity he’d let her be. This life, this man- that was it, for her. </p><p>So she needed to get control of her feelings. Stop trying for more, stop with these emotional outbursts, these silly hopes. He cared about her, in his own way, she knew that. She had so much more than she thought she’d ever have. Travelling the universe, helping people, knowing him. She could be his mate, keep him from feeling too lonely, help him feel clever. Help him feel a bit of pleasure among the horror and grief and melancholy she knew he still felt at every waking moment, as well as walking through his dreams.  </p><p>And having his child was obviously going to be incompatible with that. </p><p>But she couldn’t ask the Doctor for help. His reaction last night had made it clear; he certainty didn’t want a child with her, and god knows how he’d react to finding out he might have one.</p><p>So she’d need to sort this without him. There’d need to be appointments booked, and she’d probably need somewhere to recover. An excuse to be back in London, for a few different days. Someone to take her back to the hospital if she had complications. </p><p>Practical help, which was difficult when you were used to zipping across time and space with only fleeting connections to the world. </p><p>She needed her mum. </p><p>She needed the Doctor to take her to her mum without suspecting, and leave her there, and come back. </p><p>She needed to do this and then everything would go back to normal with the Doctor and her life with him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, baby,” she said, allowing herself one final moment of weakness. “I just can’t.” </p><p> </p><p>She greeted him in the galley all false smiles and cheer. </p><p>The Doctor peered back at her sceptically over the rim of a cup of tea. </p><p>“Rose, about last night…” he began, but she cut him off. </p><p>“Can we go see my mum?” she asked cheerfully. “I’ve got some laundry, and I want to give her that thing, you know, that we got at the markets.” </p><p>He stilled, face slipping into the blank mask he so often wore.  </p><p>“Is this you leaving me, then?” he asked evenly, without a trace of malice or sadness or anything in his voice. </p><p>She laughed as if the thought had never occurred to her, pain stabbing into her chest. “Why, do you want me to leave?” </p><p>Finally, a reaction. </p><p>“No!” he spat out urgently. “Do you want to leave?” </p><p>“No,” she said, letting him see the truth in her eyes. </p><p>“But- after last night…” he stuttered, brown eyes large and beseeching, reaching for her arm.</p><p>“I just want my mum, okay?” Rose finally snapped, dodging his hand. </p><p>“Of course,” he said, reaching up to pull at the hair atop his temple instead. “Of course. I understand.” </p><p>“Thank you. I’ll meet you in the console room.” </p><p>He nodded absentmindedly; gaze directed into the distance. </p><p>When she felt the TARDIS land, she returned with her backpack dressed in the fuzzy blue sweater she’d bought with the money he gave her as a present. It was a cheery colour, and she hoped he’d notice she was wearing it and see it as an olive branch. It was also thick and loose enough to hide the slight weight she’d been beginning to put on; her hips and shoulders were beginning to look a little broader, like when she’d first met him before she’d started to slim down with all their running. And the slightest bump was starting to appear on her stomach. </p><p>He was fiddling with the console, not meeting her eyes, and she could tell he was trying not to look sad. </p><p>“Coming?” she smiled genuinely as she walked past him to the door. </p><p>“Can I?” he asked, surprised and hopeful. </p><p>“Course you can,” she said, and meant it. </p><p>She never wanted him to feel she was cutting him out of her life; always hoped he thought of the flat on the estate with her mum as somewhere he was welcome.  There’d be plenty of time to get a moment alone with her mum.  </p><p> </p><p>Just her luck then that they were almost immediately drawn into another adventure. </p><p>And the Doctor was dragging them both along with him, grilling her mum for information about the mysterious ghosts that had begun appearing almost as if he was afraid to be alone with her. </p><p>The first moment she got with her mum without him in immediate earshot was in the console room, of all places. The Doctor had given her instructions to follow while he ran around setting up whatever contraption it was that he’d created to try and trap and analyse one of the ghosts. Despite his manic tone and the rather rude way he’d shoved the sonic in her face, Rose lost herself in the genuine enjoyment of learning how to operate the console, something she’d taken at the time to mean that he trusted her and thought she was capable enough to learn and wanted her to think of his home as her home. Something she still hoped was desperately true, even if he wasn’t madly, desperately in love with her as she was with him. </p><p>Of course, her mum had chosen to pop that moment by having a go at her. </p><p>Most of it was ridiculous, of course. The same bollocks about thinking she was getting above herself that Rose had heard her whole life. Whenever she’d tried something new at school; when she’d met Jimmy; when she’d been working at Henrick’s, for god’s sake, as if working in a posh shop full of people who looked down at her instead of at the chippy down the road would ever make her think she was better than anyone. As if travelling and learning new things and helping people, wanting to do something she thought made a difference made her not Rose Tyler anymore. </p><p>But as she looked at her mum across the console, as her mum made her admit aloud she’d never settle down because the Doctor never would, Rose realised she couldn’t ask her mum for help either. Couldn’t possibly tell her about the mess she’d gotten into. </p><p>She’d be admitting that her mum was right all along, that he was just like any other man. That he’d been using her for sex, that he hadn’t bothered to use protection, that he’d left her to sort out the consequences all alone. That their relationship was as cheap and sordid as it seemed from the outside when she’d first run away with him. </p><p>And she couldn’t bear her mother to know. </p><p>Her mum was saying she didn’t recognise her anymore, that she didn’t know what Rose was turning into. </p><p>There was only one thing Rose didn’t recognise about herself lately. </p><p>This wasn’t her, slinking home secretively to get an abortion without letting him know.  </p><p>Or to let him get away with it. </p><p>This was his responsibility as much as hers. She’d told him she wanted to wait till the pill was working, and still he’d asked, and maybe she said yes because she loved him and she wanted him and she’d do anything to make him feel happy, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have known better too. </p><p>She owed it to him to tell him he could be a father again, regardless of how he felt about it. He owed it to her to help, whatever decision she made.  </p><p>“Here we go!” the Doctor shouted from outside.</p><p>“Scanners working, it says delta one six,” she called back.<br/>
The Doctor bounded back into the console room, barely noticing Jackie let alone the tense atmosphere between mother and daughter. </p><p>“We’re set up and ready to go outside. Just have to wait for the shift, now. Rose, I need to double check the scanner. Go watch no one disturbs the set up while I fiddle around in here for a bit- they mustn’t be moved, got it?” </p><p>“Got it,” Rose nodded.</p><p>Out stood round in a park she’d practically grown up in, Rose’s mind slipped back through the years.  </p><p>Mickey had loved those swings when they were kids. Shireen’s flat was just behind them. They’d bunk off school as teenagers and sit around on those benches smoking her Dad’s stolen cigarettes, then go back to watch soap operas on the little television in Shireen’s small, garishly purple bedroom. On the play equipment next to the TARDIS, Jimmy had painfully taken her virginity one night. </p><p>She wondered if the Doctor knew, and what he’d think about her if he did. </p><p>A woman walked outside the fence behind the TARDIS. There was something familiar about her figure, Rose thought idly. Suddenly she jolted into focus. </p><p>“Shireen!” Rose called. </p><p>“Oh my god, Rose,” the woman said, stopping to lean against the fence. “It’s you!” </p><p>Rose glanced at the Doctor’s contraption, then at the TARDIS, then around the park behind her. It was dead quiet. She made a decision.  </p><p>“Ooooh, I’ve missed you,” she said, running behind the TARDIS to squeeze Shireen into a hug across the fence.</p><p>Inside, the Doctor looked up to the video screen to see Rose greet someone off camera and then walk out of sight.</p><p>Exasperated, he slapped his hand down hard against his sides. </p><p>“Of all the bloody times to wander off!” he smarted, mind not only thinking of the threat to his sensor set-up but also slipping more alarmingly to the ever-present threat of Jimmy Stone. “Should get a bloody cowbell. Jackie, wait here.” </p><p>But the sound of his own name on her sweet lips had him stopping in his tracks.  </p><p>“It’s an experiment, yeah?” Rose was saying to someone, and she didn’t sound frightened, or angry.</p><p>Still, there was a note he didn’t like in her voice. </p><p>The Doctor flattened himself against the door of the TARDIS, eager to hear, hoping he might have found a window into her turbulent mind. </p><p>“He’s like this brilliant scientist,” she continued. “And he’s trying to figure out what the ghosts really are.” </p><p>“Which, by the way, mental, right?” another female voice cut her off. “I don’t for a second believe they’re dead people come to life, like.” </p><p>“The Doctor don’t think so neither.”</p><p>“That’s the old man who took you off the estate, yeah. Is he really loaded, then?”</p><p>“Nah, he’s not like that. He’s just really clever, and he gets to travel a lot for his work, and he needs someone to help him out sometimes- so I get to go along with him.:</p><p>“Help out?” the woman says slyly, coarse innuendo dripping from her voice. “Is that what they’re calling it?” </p><p>Rose’s reply is faint, defeated, embarrassed. </p><p>“Yeah, spose,” the Doctor hears her say. </p><p>He clenches his jaw, angry at how weakly she stood up to that woman, at how she evidently still perceives herself. And him. They’re back to that massive row after the ball again. He thought he’d really convinced her, told her how he’d felt, in words that were almost pornographically explicit.</p><p>For the Doctor, who’d grown up in a culture that had told him to never feel those emotions, and if he did, certainly to never ever express it, telling Rose how much he wanted her sexually, why he regarded her so highly, that he saw her as a friend and a partner and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her… well, he thought she knew how hard it was for him. What it meant. </p><p>Did she never believe him? Or had his cruel words the night before set back her confidence again so severely? </p><p>“Whatever, sounds a bit alright to me,” the other woman continues in the distance. “I’d do anything to get outa this place. You’ll have to tell me how you snagged him, yeah- even if it’s just over the phone.”</p><p>And then his hearts really fall from his chest. </p><p>“Yeah, actually, I’m thinking I might be back at the estate again sooner than I thought. Pretty sure he’ll be trading me in for a better model soon.”<br/>
“Don’t say that- what’s happened?”</p><p>“S’nothing, just, I’ve done something stupid and I think I just realised I’ll have to tell him soon, and I don’t think he’ll be too happy.”</p><p>What on earth can she mean? Ever a jealous man, the Doctor’s mind flashes to one thing. </p><p>Another man would be the only reason he’d ever even think about leaving her for anything other than her own good. </p><p>But she wouldn’t. It couldn’t be that? Could it?</p><p>And then the conversation continues. </p><p>“Oh, Rose, I’m sure that’s not true. I mean, from what Jimmy’s been saying alone, it sounds like your fella’s mad about you.”</p><p>“What did you say?” Rose’s shocked voice gasps. </p><p>“Didn’t you know?”</p><p>“Jimmy’s back?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s out, living back with his mum. Been going on and on about how your bloke is a proper psycho for a rich tosser, and all that.”</p><p>“Jimmy knows the Doctor?”  </p><p>“Said your fella followed him, did his knee-in, and threatened to do more. Not that everyone believes it, coming from himself. But he is really walking with a limp, Rose.”</p><p>“The Doctor wouldn’t- he can’t have. I-I don’t know… I can’t, I can’t really think about this right now, there’s too much going on. I’m ‘sposed to be watching no one mucks up the experiment, I’ve gotta get back.” </p><p>“Alright, well- take care, then. Call me. Or come by the flat, I guess.”</p><p>“Yeah,” said the quiet, despondent voice of his mate. </p><p>Rose stumbled back towards the TARDIS in a daze, only to see the Doctor leaning against the blue door, arms crossed, staring into the distance. His expression was rather difficult to read; if she had to place a bet, she’d describe it as thunderous. </p><p>“I’ve hurt you rather badly,” he said, still staring into the distance. </p><p>“Were you listening in just then?” </p><p>“Well. You disappeared,” he sniffed. “You were supposed to be watching the sensors.” </p><p>“Don’t give me that, there’s no one round and I only turned my back for a minute. You were fucking spying on me.” </p><p>The Doctor doesn’t acknowledge that.</p><p>“Shireen said Jimmy’s been talking about you,” Rose pressed on. </p><p>Nothing. </p><p>“How does he know you, Doctor?” she begged, frantic for another explanation. “Did you-did you…Tell me, you didn’t…” </p><p>A small nod; an admission of guilt.</p><p>“You knew he was back. ‘Spose you didn’t think it’d be worth me knowing,” she said bitterly. “Couldn’t possibly concern me, knowing my rapist was back.” </p><p>Soulful brown eyes turn to meet hers. “I was worried about you.”</p><p>Rose choked out a laugh.</p><p>“And you spoke to him. What did he say to you?” </p><p>The Doctor flushed, and looked away. </p><p>“Right. Well. Spose it couldn’t have been nothing you hadn’t already thought about me by this point, yeah?” </p><p>“No,” the Doctor said emphatically. “Of course not. How could you think those things you just said about us? That we’re just…?” </p><p>“As opposed to what?” Rose echoed back at him, cutting him into little pieces which scattered across the park and into the air and off through the stratosphere to float away into so much cold, black space for ever. </p><p>He swallowed. Opened his mouth. </p><p>She raised a hand to stop him. </p><p>“Don’t. I’m really not in the mood for one of your meaningless apologies right now. Let’s just get this over with.”</p><p>Rose walked back inside. </p><p>The ghost shift started.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And then they were standing in Canary Wharf, and the Doctor was trying to place a big yellow button across her chest. </p><p>He’d vacillated between unbearable coldness and inexplicable frivolity for the remainder of the afternoon. At one point, she was worried he was going to kiss her in front of her mother. At another point, he’d turned her pained words about trading her in for a better model into a carefree joke.  </p><p>Finally, he’d stood in front of her and calmly explained his solution of the day was for her to trap herself in Pete’s world, where she’d be safe and sound and away from him- forever. </p><p>It hurt. She couldn’t deny it hurt. And she was very, very frightened. </p><p>Of the Daleks. Of the Cyberman. And a little of him. </p><p>But that didn’t mean she wanted to leave the universe.  </p><p>She loved him, and her life with him, and she wanted to stay- and besides, he needed to know the truth. </p><p>Rose stood in front of her mother, trying to explain. </p><p>“I’ve had a life with you for nineteen years. But then I met the Doctor. And all the things I’ve seen him do for me. For you. For all of us. For the whole stupid planet and every planet out there. He does it alone, Mum. But not anymore. Cause now he’s got me. And- and the baby.” </p><p>Rose watched her mum’s eyes widen in shock and heard a hard exhale over her shoulder. </p><p>She spun around to see the Doctor so much closer than he was before, frozen with his hands in the air, holding a big yellow button.</p><p>“What did you say?” he whispered, wide-eyed and pale.</p><p>“Were you just going to…?” Rose gasped, not wanting to believe he’d been about to send her away, behind her back, again.  </p><p>Without so much as a goodbye. </p><p>Without even meeting her eyes. </p><p>“Tell me what you just said,” the Doctor ground out.</p><p>“You heard,” she murmured, meeting his gaze.  </p><p>“Is it mine?” </p><p>“Yes!” Rose hissed.  </p><p>The big yellow button fell from his hands with a clatter. </p><p>“We have to go!” Pete yelled from behind her. </p><p>“No!” her mum cried, and Rose spun back around just in time to see Jackie, Pete, Mickey and Jake blink out of this universe and into the other. </p><p>Breaking from his frozen stupor, the Doctor grabbed her roughly by the upper arms and shook her. Rose flinched at the force of his disapproval.  </p><p>“Once the breech collapses, that’s it,” he spat in her face. “You’ll never be able to see her again, your own mother.” </p><p>Trying to control her trembling, she quietly but firmly spoke her truth. “I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you. So what can I do to help?”</p><p>The Doctor devoured her with his eyes, as if he was trying to see through her very being to verify the veracity of her words. And across his handsome features Rose read a veritable cascade of anger and disbelief and passion and hope and fear. </p><p>But he didn’t let his hold on her arms go. </p><p>“You’re with child. I see that now,” he said quietly. “But I’m going to ask you something again, Rose. And I need you to think very carefully about your answer this time. Because if it isn’t, then you should be with your mum and your Dad and Mickey. But if it is, then you’ll need my medical attention. Is it mine?”</p><p>“Do you want rid of me?” Rose whimpered, voice breaking. </p><p>But the Doctor would not relent. </p><p>“Rose, is your child mine?” </p><p>“It’s yours,” she whispered.  </p><p>“Are you sure? You know, I heard you with your friend, earlier. You didn’t shag someone at the ball, or those few hours you went off on your own in 2012?”</p><p>“No!” </p><p>“Maybe you wanted to get back at me, perhaps?” he cajoled, schooling his voice to be softer with what sounded like was some considerable effort. “I could understand, Rose, if that’s how it happened.” </p><p>“Sorry to disappoint you, Doctor, but I’m not that much of a slag. All I meant with Shireen was that I’d thought you’d chuck me out back to the Estate, when I admitted you’d knocked me up. Little did I know you were planning on dumping me a whole universe away anyway.”</p><p>“I was not- fine. It’s mine. Right. You’re staying. You might as well do something useful, then. Those coordinates over there, set them all at six. And hurry up!”</p><p>Rose moved to obey him as if on autopilot. </p><p>Barely able to look at her, obviously still incensed, the Doctor grabbed the magnetic clamps and placed them on either side of the wall. </p><p>“Come here,” he barked, reaching into his pocket and unfurling a length of climbing rope and a small harness he’d used to take them rock climbing on Betatrix-6 some time ago now. </p><p>He motioned for Rose to step into it while he threaded the rope securely around one of the clamps. </p><p>“Right. We’re about to press the levers down and open the void,” he said, pulling roughly at the strap around her waist. “You’ll be weaker than usual, Rose, with a Gallifreyan child drawing on your system. So I’m tying you to the clamp as a backup, yes?” </p><p>“Y-yeah,” she stuttered as he clipped her in place. “You should put on yours, though, too.” </p><p>“No time. When it starts, run to the clamp and hold on tight to the handle. The rope is just a failsafe, I don’t want to test its strength and I don’t want you falling to the ground. You ready?” </p><p>“So are they,” Rose nodded, realising he was right. </p><p>Still operating as if they were choreographed, in perfect unison they pressed down the levers together and ran back to the magnetic clamps to hold on for dear life. </p><p>Daleks, cyberman, and all sorts of debris was flying through the air, whirling past them both at terrifying speed. Over and over in her head she pictured the Doctor losing his grip and getting sucked into the void, or being hit in the head by a piece of projectile that bashed his brain in. But miraculously he held on, and remained whole, and his plan seemed to be working. </p><p>But then her lever exploded into sparks and began to slide back up. </p><p>A cool mechanical voice announced that the void was now offline, and Rose knew she had to act. </p><p>She tried with all her might to reach it while keeping one hand on the clamp, but her arm just wasn’t long enough. She’d always been of thoroughly average height. If only the Doctor had chosen someone more elegant, this time. </p><p>“Hold on,” the Doctor screamed at her from across the room, obviously understanding what she was about to do and only half in denial about the necessity of it. </p><p>She tested the rope with a tug, and then, hoping against hope, threw herself at the lever. </p><p>Unable to help it, she looked into his eyes from across the room. He looked absolutely terrified. </p><p>Struggling, she managed to drag the lever back down to the online position by leaning the weight of her body against it, but the force of the void was so strong that she felt her fingers begin to slip. </p><p>Her grip was getting looser and looser and he was screaming at her to just hold on, but eventually she fell anyway, suspending momentarily in the air before the rope caught her weight with a sickening thwack. </p><p>Rose floated, pain spreading across her back like a bolt of thunder, desperately hoping that the rope would hold. </p><p>And then she felt the void gradually pull closed and that was another blessing because it gave her time to stumble gently back to Earth rather than hitting the ground hard on her stomach as she had worried she might.  </p><p>When she raised herself from her knees, she saw the Doctor slumped against the wall opposite her, hair askew, staring at her with a rather wild look on his face.   </p><p>She wanted to ask if he was okay, but her voice croaked and cracked instead. </p><p>He stumbled over to her, as if in shock. </p><p>“Are you hurt?” he demanded. </p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>“Very well. That’s your family gone, then," he barked. "TARDIS. Infirmary, now."</p><p>Rose flinched, dropping her eyes from his and moving to fumble with her harness to release herself from the tether. </p><p>“Let’s see if this is really true,” he added under his breath. But Rose heard him. </p><p>“Don’t you believe me?” Rose whimpered.</p><p>“No, as it happens," he snapped. "You were meant to be on birth control!” </p><p>“I was!” she exclaimed earnestly, shocked at the accusation. </p><p>“What did you think, hmm?” he berated her as they walked back through the cold septic hallways of Torchwood. “You’d forget a few times, let me knock you up, get yourself a permanent ticket? Well congratulations Rose, your wish came true!” </p><p>“Is that really how you see me? Just another girl, from a council estate, trying to hold on to someone better than her by- is that what Jimmy said?”</p><p>“You could have had your father, a family, money- everything you ever wanted as a child! </p><p>“I don’t want that!”</p><p>“You’ll never see your own mother again!” </p><p>“Stop it, you’re being cruel.” </p><p>“I’m being cruel? Look what you’ve done to yourself.” </p><p>“This isn’t just my fault,” Rose stopped him in front of the TARDIS doors, her jaw jutting out stubbornly. “You were there too; you chose not to bother using anything with me.” </p><p>“You told me you were on birth control!” he exploded, slamming his fist against the blue wood. </p><p>“I told you it took a while to work, I told you to wait, you didn’t fucking want to, you begged me not to make you wait!”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered, brushing past her to jam his key into the lock and barrel inside. </p><p>“Rose, let me inside you sweetheart, please,” she mimicked over his shoulder, following closely behind him. “D’you remember that? What was I 'sposed to do- did you want me to say no?”</p><p>“You think I wanted this?” he asked, incredulous.</p><p>But she was right. He had called her sweetheart and begged her to let him inside her. Had said those things… had done those things to the young human woman in his care. </p><p>Had just separated her from her mother, forever. </p><p>And most likely had been the one to breed her, despite his fervent denial, despite his solemn pledge to never use her so.  </p><p>But it was her next words that really made the blood drain from his face. </p><p>“No, you made that perfectly clear, ta,” she said bitterly. “I was coming home to get an abortion.”</p><p>She didn’t know. She couldn't know. Because while now it was obvious that she had been trying to tell him, in all of his pigheadedness she’d clearly decided she couldn’t and come home to abort the child in secret instead. Which was why she had been so desperate to see her mother this morning, of course. And why she would have bled out on the table. Died painfully in a pool of her own blood before he even known what he’d done to her.</p><p>Because he’d never given her reason enough to trust him, the man who had insinuated his way into her bed and left his seed between her thighs and his quarter-breed in her belly. </p><p>Hadn't given enough reason for her to trust that she could tell him what he’d done to her, so when she asked him to help her save herself, he could warn her that you couldn’t terminate a Gallifreyan foetus without causing the slow and agonising death of its mother. And tell her he was sorry, he was so sorry, but she was stuck with him. </p><p>She must have felt so afraid, dealing with this all alone. </p><p>He was his father, after all. </p><p>Scratch that, he was worse. </p><p>What if he’d placed the yellow button around her neck a second earlier?</p><p>The picture of her lying on some anonymous hospital bed in an alternate London, colour draining from her skin, blood slowly seeping from between her legs, afraid and confused and abandoned, frightened him so much more than the new life growing inside her. </p><p>His family, murdered by his own hands, again. </p><p>Instead of expressing this, the Doctor gave her a condescending look. “You can’t. Physically, you can’t. Do you think my father took my mother back to Gallifrey because he loved her? You can’t be that stupid.”</p><p>Rose crumpled before his very eyes and ran from the console room towards her bedroom.</p><p>The Doctor imagined he looked as alien as ever in the harsh green glow of the rotor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m sorry,” he called to her through her bedroom door after he’d cooled off. “Can I come in?” </p><p>As he expected, there was no response. </p><p>“Rose,” he called again. “I’m sorry, but I’m coming in.” </p><p>She was sitting on her bed under the low sloping ceiling of coral, hands curled around her knees, eyes red and distant. </p><p>Her fuzzy blue jumper had been discarded on the floor, and he wondered if he was just kidding himself to think that dressed now as she was in only a thin singlet top, he could see a slight swell beginning to emerge on her stomach. </p><p>“I meant what I said, earlier,” he continued quietly, standing in just his trousers and shirt, hands in pockets and tie askew. “I need to check you out in the infirmary. Interspecies pregnancies are always problematic, and you’ve been under enormous physical and emotional strain today.” </p><p>Rose scoffed to herself, still refusing to look at him. </p><p>“I know you’re very upset right now, but it is important that you let me administer to you medically.” </p><p>“The worst thing is, I really believed it,” Rose said slowly as if she'd never even heard him. “Not all the time, just sometimes. Rose, we’re together. Rose, you’re so clever. Rose, what about what you want. All your little lies.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” </p><p>“What I want to know is, are you pissed because I told my mum your dirty little secret?” </p><p>“Rose...” </p><p>“Or is it because you think you’re about to be lumped with me and a child. Don’t want to be a daddy again with someone as stupid and worthless as me?” </p><p>Though her words cut through him like a stick of ice, the Doctor tampered down his emotions and continued to school his voice evenly.  </p><p>“Rose," he attempted to command, every bit the collected Time Lord. "Stop this and come to the infirmary with me, now.”  </p><p>She turned to look him in the eye, swinging her legs off the bed. </p><p>“Because let me tell you, you don’t need to worry about that. Cause you were right, that night, I’ve realised. I don’t care if I can’t have an abortion- I won’t stick around to raise a child like this.” </p><p>“And just what is that supposed to mean?” he lost his temper, alarmed at her implication. “You can’t leave me, you need medical attention throughout your pregnancy. I told you, interspecies makes it dangerous. And if you can't have an abortion, you can't have a miscarriage, either- there's a very real chance you both could die!” </p><p>“Wouldn’t that be more convenient for you?” Rose said coldly. </p><p>The Doctor fell to his knees in front of her, grasping at her feet.</p><p>“Don’t say that, Rose,” he pleaded, choking up. “You don’t talk like that, you can’t.” </p><p>She smiled cruelly, like a predator going in for the kill. </p><p>“Or do you want to do it yourself?”</p><p>“No,” he shook his head, eyes wide. </p><p>Not wanting to believe. </p><p>“Come on,” she implored, wrapping her hands around his and refashioning them into fists, moving them up to her stomach. </p><p>“No,” he begged. </p><p>“Come on, Doctor,” she whispered. “Hit me.”</p><p>“How could you think I’d ever…” he sobbed, tears welling in his eyes, face flushing red.</p><p>But he was unable to finish the sentence. Because of course what she didn’t know, what he hadn’t told her, was that he could. Of course he could.</p><p>He’d killed his children, along with a billion other children, along with the rest of his people. </p><p>“Dunno,” she said, shaking him off. “I know I can’t let you anywhere near this child. Do you realise what that would do to him, having a father who was ashamed of him?” </p><p>The Doctor moved to rest his back against her bed, unable to meet her eyes any longer. </p><p>He breathed in, trying to regain control of his emotions. </p><p>“Yes, I do realise, as a matter of fact,” he finally answered with a steadier voice. “And I wouldn’t be ashamed of him.”</p><p>“What, just of his mother then, like that’s better?”</p><p>“No! Ashamed of me, of what I’ve done to you. You're so young. I should never have touched you, let alone bred you. I took away your life, your family, I’ve trapped you here with me.”</p><p>“This is my life. And I thought… I wanted us to be a family.” </p><p>“My mother thought we could be family. She thought my father could love her like a human would love. But he couldn’t. He felt lust, at first, then a sense of responsibility, but that was it.”</p><p>“Are you saying you’re not capable of… feeling that… towards anyone?”</p><p>He shook his head. “I loved my mother. When my marriage was arranged, after the Academy, I wanted… I don’t know what I wanted from my wife. Something different to what…”</p><p>“You wanted her to love you,” Rose finished quietly.</p><p>He began to choke up again. </p><p>“She suffered me in her bed, a few times, to bond, and to loom our children. But she couldn’t seem to… and then my son, and my daughter, they seemed to be the same. Proper Time Lords and Ladies.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I know how much-” Rose broke off, as if she couldn't continue. </p><p>A bitter chuckle erupted from the Doctor’s chest, full of self-loathing.  </p><p>“Don’t- don’t feel sorry for me, Rose I don’t deserve it,” he said. “But what I’m trying to say is, my granddaughter, Susan, she was different. We ran off together, travelled for a bit. She met a human, and she fell in love.”</p><p>“So you can love.”</p><p>“I’m afraid so.”</p><p>They sat quietly together for a moment, Rose on the bed and the Doctor on the floor. </p><p>“You were different, yeah," Rose broke the silence. "But not worse, I think. Better, to feel things.”</p><p>“I don’t know.” </p><p>“I mean it. How I feel for you, it’s worth it, even if you don’t… and he’ll be like you,” she said, grasping his hand and pulling it to her stomach, open palmed this time. “Your son, he’ll feel too, so much, and he’ll make the universe a better place for it, just like you. If you want to be in his life. Even if you don’t, I'll make sure he does.”</p><p>The Doctor turned to look desperately between her eyes and her stomach, wanting so badly to believe that she was right.  That he could be a father to her child. That they could raise him together to be happy. </p><p>But she didn’t know him well enough to know what she was offering. Because he was weak, and vain, and deceitful. Because he loved the way she made him feel like he could be a good man again. Because he could barely even admit it to himself. He had never told her the full truth.</p><p>“No, Rose,” he said, removing his hand from her stomach. “You don’t have enough information to understand what you’re offering. Because I've lied to you- a lie of omission is still a lie. But you need to know- you were right.”  </p><p>“About what?” </p><p>He dropped his eyes to her feet, unable to watch the play of her face as his words inevitably extinguished the remainder of any feelings she may once have had for him. </p><p>“I could kill my child," he told her. "I have. The Time War, I didn’t just survive it. I ended it. For everyone.”</p><p>When he couldn’t bear the suspense anymore, he looked up to find nought but compassion burning from her eyes, radiating down at him and into him and through him. </p><p>“I killed my children,” he spat, willing her to understand. “I killed my grandchildren. I killed them all. They’re dead, and that part of my life is over.” </p><p>“Why?” she asked softly, as if she was patiently leading him to some obvious conclusion she’d already come to a million years ago.  </p><p>“We were losing. Really losing. And the things the Council was doing- what they were becoming… they were committing travesties, atrocities… not just towards the Daleks, towards ourselves, but towards other species, too,” he stuttered. “Some of us realised we couldn't let what was coming come. So we formed a plan. Fell to me to execute it, of course. Didn’t think I’d live on.”</p><p>“You didn’t deserve to be the one. No one deserves that, least of all you.”</p><p>“How can you feel sorry for me?” he bared his teeth, wanting to grab her by the arms and shake her again. “It’s shocking, what I did! Haven’t I shocked you? Aren’t you questioning the kind of man you let into your bed, that you let father your child? You should want to take him and run far away from me, as fast as you can!” </p><p>“Doctor…” she sighed, biting her lip. “Did you think I didn’t know? I always suspected it wasn’t just survivors’ guilt, from what you said, and the way you acted- you aren’t the kind of man to just run away from a battle. I never once thought you were a monster for it... And since you told me you were a father- well, of course your whole species would include them.” </p><p>He hung his head, ashamed. </p><p>“Of course. You knew all along. Of course you did.”</p><p>“And about that part of your life being over… well, I think that’s up to you.”</p><p>“I must have scared you. My reaction. I know, after what you went through the last time you told a man you were pregnant.”</p><p>“Don’t,” she seized up, steel replacing softness again. “You don’t get to mention that, not after…”</p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>“I told you that never happened.” </p><p>“Understood.”</p><p>“I think I might need some time.” </p><p>“I can get you that,” he chuckled despondently. </p><p>“And so do you.”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>“You said some terrible things, at the thought of me having your child. Called me stupid again. I asked you not to, I explained how much it hurt me, why it hurt me... And you went behind my back. Multiple times. With Jimmy, and today. Tried to take away my choices, again. Leave me without even saying goodbye. ” </p><p>“I know,” he wept. “I keep thinking about you, not knowing, bleeding out in a hospital bed in alternate London.”</p><p>“What if I hadn’t? What if I’d chosen to have him, in Pete’s world, to remember you?” </p><p>“Oh,” he crumpled into his knees.</p><p>“Cause I might have. Don’t know how I could cope, without anything to tether me to you. Even as hurt as I’d have been, I reckon I’d still have wanted to see you in him. Say I’d given birth- he’d probably outlive me by quite a lot, yeah? Without a father, without anyone to teach him who he was.” </p><p>“Oh, god,” he said, rubbing at his temple, imaging it. </p><p>The child would be so alone. </p><p>Alien and alone. Potentially for millennia. Without the structure the Academy and the Council could give, flawed though it might have beeen- anything could happen to him. </p><p>He could become a monster, or a god. </p><p>Either way, he’d have sentenced his own child to a life of watching the ephemeral beings he loved perish around him, trapped in a linear sequence, with only the limited understanding of his heritage that Rose could teach given he never told her anything, either. His own life sentence, but infinitely worse. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Rose.”</p><p>“Never again.” </p><p>“Never, Rose," he pledged earnestly, desperately. "Never again. I swear it to you, by everything I am.”</p><p>“I mean it, Doctor. I won’t be in that kind of relationship with you. I can’t go back there. And if you ever make our son feel like he’s less…” </p><p>The Doctor swallowed. “You keep saying that. You think he’ll be a boy?”</p><p>Rose sighed heavily. </p><p>“Sorry,” he whimpered. “Do you hate me?”</p><p>She shook her head. “S’ just the opposite, no matter how much…” </p><p>“No matter how much you try,” he finished for her.  </p><p>“Come on, Doctor,” she implored, heart in her eyes. “You must… be able to understand how much it hurts, knowing someone doesn’t… feel the way you feel about them.” </p><p>“That’s not… exactly… how it is.”</p><p>“Then how is it?” </p><p>They stared wordlessly at one another. </p><p>“Will you let me take you to the infirmary now, at least?” he said, holding out his hand. “I’m worried about you. Please.”</p><p>“Okay,” she replied softly, taking it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time passed on the TARDIS. They floated together in the darkness of space. The Doctor went months without seeing her body properly, her clothes becoming baggier like when he’d first met her. She stayed squirreled away in her room most of the time. She seemed depressed. But she let him administer to her medical needs. Let him discover she was right about the child being a boy. Let him make sure she was eating the right things, put her on a vitamin drip for the chemicals her body couldn’t synthesise properly.</p><p>He didn’t push any of his attentions on her. Spent his own free time deep in the library, scouring through old books, trying to predict how she’d react to the pregnancy, how a quarter hybrid would develop- how he could stay one step ahead with their treatment. Look after them. Keep them safe, keep them living. </p><p>And little by little, repair the sutures between them. </p><p>One night, she woke him in bed like a mirage. She had a wide, shy, Rose Tyler smile on her face.</p><p>“He’s kicking, Doctor” she said, dragging his hand to cup her stomach through her loose shirt.  </p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he crooned. “He’s our son.”</p><p>She laughed, joyous.  </p><p>“May I see properly?” he asked her bashfully. </p><p>She nodded and lifted her shirt. </p><p>Her stomach was round and swollen; bigger than since he’d last performed an ultrasound on her gentle swell, bigger than he’d have guessed through her baggy clothing. He curled his body around it, one hand splayed across while resting his head by her side and listening to the steady double heartbeat of their child.</p><p>“Thank you, Rose,” he murmured into her skin. </p><p>She hummed, running her hands soothingly back and forth through his thick hair. “How’s your research going, then?” </p><p>He sighed. “Well, I’ve gone through all the books I have on the TARDIS, including some antiques from back when my people used to give birth naturally. There’s some records intact, too, from our central databased of-of… when my children were loomed, and my granddaughter. But that’s not quite the same. And… also… my father kept detailed records of my mother’s pregnancy.” </p><p>“He did?” </p><p>“Yup. Ever the scientist.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I know how hard it must be to read those.” </p><p>“Don’t worry about that,” he grimaced, touched and embarrassed. “Those were the most useful, actually. My concern with you now, Rose, is primarily in the different gestation periods of our species.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” </p><p>“Remember how I said that Gallifreyan women had longer pregnancies to allow for the development of some of our higher senses and increase intelligence?”</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Well, say he takes after my species. I’m concerned about the increased risks of a longer pregnancy, for both you and the baby. There’s the strain on your system while you are carrying him, plus the possibility of severe tearing with delivering a larger baby than your body is supposed to deliver.”</p><p>“Okay,” she swallowed. </p><p>“Turns out my father… he actually induced early. But that’s… risky. I’d have to time it exactly right, Rose.” </p><p>“Or what would happen?” </p><p>“For the child, if I induce too early, I may limit his intellectual development. There’s also the risk of you bleeding out if your womb hasn’t properly started preparing for birth, yet. But if I leave it too long… apart from the risk to you, if your body isn’t supporting him properly because of the strain of a longer pregnancy and a larger baby than you are naturally meant to support, that could also cause physical and intellectual impairments.” </p><p>“I trust you,” she said, rubbing his back. “You’ll get it right, Doctor. You’re brilliant. “</p><p>“Oh, Rose. You have too much faith in me.” </p><p>“Hey now. I know you’ll do your absolute best, okay?” </p><p>“Yeah,” he exhaled, clinging to her belly. </p><p>“Can I talk to you about something else, Doctor?” she asked timidly. </p><p>“Of course,” he gushed. “Anything.”</p><p>“I’ve been thinking… and I’ve been looking into it, on that computer I bought with the money you gave me- I want to go back and get my A-Levels. There-there are some places I can do them, online, and I was thinking, I could do them from here, ‘specially when the baby’s little and you’re running around, saving the world.”</p><p>“Why’d you want to do that?” he replied softly. “We’ve discussed this- you can learn much more travelling with me then taking some boring 21st century class that won’t mean jot to the rest of the universe.”</p><p>“No, you discussed it. And maybe you’re right but I… I need to do this, I need to know I can do it, for me. So I’m not always just some stupid girl with no A-Levels. And…” </p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And… for the baby. I… need to know I can… support him, on my own.”</p><p>“Are you planning on leaving me then, when he’s born?” he croaked, voice thick with water. </p><p>“No- but…”</p><p>He looked up at her beseechingly.</p><p>“But? Rose, he’s my son, you can’t, you can’t take him away from me, please, Rose. Please don’t.”</p><p>“Doctor, I’m not planning on. But you really didn’t want this child. You’re acting like you want him now- but I don’t know that I trust you so much, right now. So if you do change your mind again, and leave us, I need to be prepared to look after him on my own. Do you understand?”</p><p>“You’re right.”</p><p>Rose flinched, and clenched her jaw.</p><p>“Not, not that I’ll leave you. I know I won’t. But you don’t have any reason to believe me, not after how I behaved. And you need to protect him. You’ll be a brilliant mum.” </p><p>“Do you really think so?”</p><p>“I know you’ll be. You already are. You’re protecting him, already.”</p><p>“You can help me, you know. I don’t think I’ll need much money- I found some places that’ll waive the fees if you’re under 23. But I was thinking, maybe you could help me choose what courses to take? Like, cause History might be useful, yeah, with all the time we end up on Earth? But then Maths and Physics might help me understand how the TARDIS works. And I’m really enjoying reading more, with you. So I dunno.”</p><p>“Yeah-yeah,” he rushed out. “Yes. We can look at the syllabi, and think about what’d be helpful for you, and what you actually want to learn.” </p><p>He was getting excited and so was she. </p><p>“And not just that,” she smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear shyly. “I’m sure you can help me understand things, when I get stuck- help me study, yeah?”</p><p>“Rose Tyler. I’d be honoured.” </p><p>“Good, then.” </p><p>“But I need to say… and please understand, this isn’t a criticism. But Rose, you were going home to get an abortion.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“You didn’t want this child. And I understand, I do, you’re so young. But I’m so ashamed, Rose, of how irresponsible I was. And I can’t help thinking I’ve trapped you here, in a situation you don’t want to be in.”</p><p>“Doctor… we were both irresponsible. I knew, what I was letting you do. And I let you anyway. And it’s true, I was going home to get an abortion. But I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I’d changed my mind, about wanting to do it without talking to you first. And…” </p><p>“And?”</p><p>“The main reason I made that decision was what you said to me, in 2012. You said you didn’t want this, with me. So how could I do anything else? But if you’d have reacted differently…”</p><p>“You might have chosen differently,” he completed her sentence. “You were trying to sound me out, right before I disappeared, saying you thought children were little terrors, weren’t you?” </p><p>Rose nodded. </p><p>“If I’d have just been… a better man, we might have avoided all this sorry mess. Instead I got scared, and I lashed out, and tried to hurt you as much as I knew how to. With something terrible you shared with me in precious confidence, Rose. And then when you chose to stay with my sorry self, to let me know about my son instead of going to the other universe with your mother, gaining a father- I chose to hurt you again.”</p><p>“You did hurt me, Doctor. You hurt me terribly.”  </p><p>“I need you to believe, Rose, that I didn’t mean any of it. That none of it was about you. I told you it was about my own failings as a father, what I did to my children. And it was. After what I did, the thought of you offering me a chance to be a father again... I just couldn’t deal with it, Rose. But… I think perhaps it was also about my own mother.”</p><p>“Tell me about her. Your mother.”</p><p>He breathed in.</p><p>“She was… she was kind, she was beautiful. She could be silly, and fun. My father hid her away from the rest of them in our estate on the mountains, and I think she was lonely. She cried, a lot, when she thought I wasn’t looking.”</p><p>Rose stroked his hair again as he continued. He leaned into her like a puppy. </p><p>“As I said, they took me away for School when I was eight. A few years later, I got word she died. I never saw her again.”</p><p>“You knew how it felt. That’s why you let me see my father.”</p><p>“Yes, I knew. And I was already falling for you, and I wanted to show off, to give you something I always wanted, too. Look how that turned out.”</p><p>“Doctor, it was a gift, being able to spend those few hours with him. Growing up, all I wanted was to know him, to have in hold me. My daddy. And you gave me that- I’ll never forget that. Didn’t you try that for yourself?” </p><p>“Rose, I never even knew her name. After she died, my father wouldn’t even mention her. I knew she was human… I started studying Earth history, at the Academy, and from her mannerisms, her accent, I pieced together that she might have been from London, in the late twentieth or early twenty-first century.” </p><p>“Oh, Doctor. How could he?”</p><p>“I told you, Rose. He wasn’t kind to her. Our family was powerful, but he still took a lot of flack, for bringing her back to Gallifrey. And for me. And he wasn’t the most emotional man.”</p><p>“And he was cruel to you, too. She was your mother.” </p><p>“I told you. I was… am… a half-breed.”</p><p>“You were a little boy, like any other little boy across the universe. And he should’ve been proud to have you as his son. Cause I bet you were just as kind, and bright, and playful and caring then as you are now, yeah?”</p><p>He looked up into her kind, gentle face. Her blonde hair fell down over him like a halo. Surrounded by her scent, wrapped in her warmth, he admitted something he’d never told another living soul. </p><p>“I think she killed herself, Rose.”</p><p>Rose grabbed his hand and let him continue. </p><p>“I think it was my fault.”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t,” she said with absolute certainty. </p><p>“She wouldn’t have been able to stand it, after I went to School, that big house, all alone.”</p><p>She wiggled down to lay next to him on her bed, cupped his face tenderly in her hands and entwined their legs. The evidence of their union lay between them.  </p><p>“Did you want to go away to school?” she continued earnestly, gazing into his eyes. “You once told me you hated every minute of it. Did you want to leave her? Did you treat her like she was nothing?” </p><p>“No,” he conceded.</p><p>“No. You loved her, like any little boy would love his mother who was kind, and beautiful and silly and fun. So that’s why you come here, isn’t it? Out of all the places in all the universe. You come to my time. To London. Or thereabouts.” </p><p>“Susan and I, we wanted to know… more, about her, about ourselves, I guess. Things weren’t going for us well, at home, politically- a tide had turned we didn’t agree with. Gallifrey was becoming more isolationist, more xenophobic. So I stole the TARDIS and we ran to 1960’s London. And that was that. Been travelling ever since.”</p><p>“Did you ever find her?”</p><p>“No, but Susan found something of the sort she was looking for. And I found you, Rose Tyler. My beautiful, kind Rose. Mother of my child. My first womb-born child,” the Doctor sang, stroking her stomach.  </p><p>“Do you want this, with me?” she asked, stroking the rough, textured hair of his sideburns. </p><p>“More than anything,” he poured out.   </p><p>“Make love to me,” she sighed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. </p><p>He trembled in her embrace. </p><p>“Come here, my Doctor. I’ve missed you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose closed the gap between their lips, brushing gently against his soft pout.</p><p>The Doctor released a garbled cry from the back of his throat, hands clenching into fists by his sides before losing control and falling upon her like a drowned man. </p><p>Pushing her into the bed, he pressed hot, wet kisses over her mouth, her cheeks, her forehead, her neck, her swollen breasts… everywhere he could reach. </p><p>Rose felt his erection push hard against her belly and sighed with pleasure.</p><p>Suddenly, the Doctor leapt off her, rolling onto his back by her side. He pressed his fingers to his temple and inhaled deeply. </p><p>“Sorry-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. </p><p>“Doctor?” Rose asked hesitantly. </p><p>“Give me a moment.” </p><p>“What’s wrong? Do you not… want me, like this?” </p><p>“Of course I… God, Rose, I’m half mad with it. Can’t you tell?” he huffed, running a hand through his thick mane. “But there’s something I need to say, first.” </p><p>“If it’s… I do, I do understand, why you reacted the way you did, Doctor…” she said, turning her soft, gentle eyes upon him. “It couldn’t have been easy for you, hearing about my pregnancy, after everything that happened to you.” </p><p>“What about for you? What I said, what I did… it was unforgivable.”</p><p>“But I do forgive you.” </p><p>“No,” he begged. </p><p>“I do.” </p><p>“I don’t deserve you. Him.”</p><p>“As long as you want us. You want to be a family.”</p><p>“Oh Rose, I do want you. Both of you. So much. So that’s why- I want to let you know my intentions before we... become intimate again. And you don’t have to answer me now, I understand you’ll need time to think… But I need you to know, I intend to do right by you and your child.”</p><p>He reached into his bedside draw and took out something wrapped in a piece of rich, red cloth. Unrolling it on the bed between them, Rose could see that inside it were two golden rings.</p><p>“I want us to be married.”</p><p>Rose gasped.</p><p>“I want to do this properly,” he declared earnestly. “I want you to be my wife, in your culture, and mine.” </p><p>“I don’t need all that,” Rose said softly.  </p><p>“I-I do,” he stammered, desperate. “My father never claimed my mother. You think I’m ashamed of you- I’m not, sweetheart. I want everyone to know we belong together. That he’s my son. That we’re a family.” </p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“The red… it’s binding cloth. It’s how my people claimed each other. There’s a ceremony, and, I’d need to touch you inside your, mind, here,” he said, tapping gentle on her temple. “And then I’ve the rings, for your custom.”</p><p>“Inside my mind?” Rose echoed, trying to understand.  </p><p>“Yes. It’s- it’s hard to explain, to a non-telepathic being…”</p><p>Rose grasped his hand. “You told me once, it was very intimate.” </p><p>“It is,” he rushed. “Oh, it is. It can be… wonderfully intimate, communing with someone like that. Feeling their voice in your head, their feelings stripped away of pretence, bare against your own.”</p><p>“And... does… m-marriage mean the same thing, for you, as it would for me?” she asked, stroking his fingers with hers. </p><p>“Yes. It’s very serious, for my people, the ceremony. For me.”</p><p>“Really though, Doctor? Cause I did mean what I said…. I-I love you, yeah?” Rose whispered, heart in her throat. “But I don’t want you to humour me. I couldn’t stand it if you did this, out of any reason other than loving me like I love you.”</p><p>“Oh Rose. It’s not that I don’t… rather desperately. I tried to stop it, tried to hide it, to try and protect you… and me. Because it’s going to hurt, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, but I’ll lose you so soon and I can’t stand the thought. Our son will lose you so soon. And me… I’m not a good father. I don’t know if I can be what he needs.”</p><p>She cupped his face tenderly in her hands. </p><p>“You can be, Doctor,” she said, staring into his eyes. “I know you can. I’ve seen you around children- You’re so full of kindness, especially to them.”</p><p>“Yeah?” he whimpered, wanting desperately to believe her. </p><p>“Yes,” she answered seriously. “And whether I become your wife or not- I can’t help dying, but we can make each other so happy, in the meantime. Like we have been, these past years, ‘cept with him too- our son. And then you’ll both remember me together, and go on.”</p><p>“Oh, Rose. My Rose,” he murmured tenderly.</p><p>“My Doctor,” Rose smiled, leaning across to kiss him again.</p><p>Trembling, he unwrapped her new curves and shucked off his own clothing, laying his slim body down atop hers. Wanting to reclaim her as his. </p><p>“Not too much pressure on your bump, yeah?” he asked, stroking her stomach gently. </p><p>Rose chuckled nervously. “I-I’m not sure how to do this, with all this extra weight.”</p><p>“It’s not extra weight, Rose,” he rushed to reassure her. “It’s your body, growing to nurse our child.”</p><p>“Still, I’m bigger…”</p><p>“You look beautiful. You don’t know how much I’ve desired you, seeing you carrying my son.” </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Oh yes. We didn’t do this the ancient way, by my time. But it seems the instincts are still there. Whenever I see you, I feel so… possessive, Rose. And I think perhaps… if we lay side by side, Rose?” he asked, manoeuvring them into position. “How’s that? I can still see your lovely eyes, and we shouldn’t risk placing too much pressure on you.” </p><p>“It’s great,” she said, wrapping her arm around his back and moving up to nibble on his ear. “And you should.”</p><p>“Should?” he asked, befuddled; his lower lip pouting temptingly. </p><p>Rose leaned across to bite it gently too. </p><p>“Should feel possessive,” she said, looking into his eyes. “We’re yours.” </p><p>He snapped again, clasping her closer and ravaging her lips, her neck. Leaving a trail of red marks covering her. Squeezing her breasts and her bottom. Massaging her shoulders and her lower back with hard, firm presses. Fondling her ripening belly inquisitvely. Lifting her left knee and stroking her folds with his cock till his eyes rolled back in his head and she gasped and gasped. </p><p>“Ready?” he panted, finally placing himself at her entrance, poised to penetrate her. </p><p>“Yeah,” she sighed, enjoying the blunt stretch of his teasing tip. </p><p>“Oh Rose,” he groaned into her shoulder as he began ploughing into her roughly. “So wet, so tight.”</p><p>“A-And you,” she stuttered back, face buried in his hair. “I’ve missed how good you feel... So big, so hard, so perfect... Please make me come, Doctor.”</p><p>“Yes,” he cried, grinding his pelvis against her. “Gonna make you come, Rose. Gonna come. Come inside you.”</p><p>“Please,” she begged, tightening around him. "Please."</p><p>Soon he felt her fingers dig almost painfully into his shoulders as the tender muscles between her legs spasmed around him. She moaned deeply, tipping her head back; he bit the junction between her own shoulder and neck as her orgasm tripped him into his own and he ejaculated heavily into her womb.  </p><p>They lay panting in the aftermath, wrapped in each other’s arms. </p><p>He pulled out as he felt his cock deflate, watching greedily as his fluids trailed down her thighs; physical evidence that she still belonged to him. </p><p>“Here,” he said, leaning up wearily to grab a tissue from his bedside table. “Let me.”</p><p>He pushed her on to her back, and carefully spread her legs so he could gently wipe her between her thighs and through her folds. He left the tissue pressed between her still weeping cunt and pulled her body back into his. </p><p>“And there’s another thing I wanted to tell you,” he murmured into her crown. “I’ve also been researching…  I think there might be a way, to say goodbye, to your mother I mean. Just a link, like a holo call, not properly… It’ll take quite a while, mind, to get it going and it’ll just last for a few minutes. But I’m quite certain now, it should work. You can tell her about your A-Levels. And maybe introduce her to our son.”</p><p>“You mean I can speak to Mum?” </p><p>“That’s right.”</p><p>“Doctor, thank you. Thank you… And… I can tell her you made an honest woman out of me too, yeah?”</p><p>“Do you mean… you’ll accept me?”</p><p>“I will be your wife, Doctor.”</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he sighed, kissing her crown. “You honour me. You make me so happy.”</p><p>“And me,” she said, kissing his chest. </p><p>“What you said earlier- you were right, Rose, sweetheart. You’ll still die before I can bear it, and I’ll have to go on. And I’ll love you till the last star blinks out of existence, to the end of my days. But I’ll have our wonderful son, our family, and we’ll remember you together.” </p><p>Some time after that day, the Doctor and Rose stood in a familiar location and, trembling, exchanged vows and rings and the whisper of his real name on the wind. The Doctor tied the piece of red cloth around her wrist and connected it to his, then placed his fingers on her temple and joined them together in mind as well as body. </p><p>In the TARDIS infirmary, he held her hand as she screamed and guided her to deliver a squalling, healthy, baby boy. He wrapped their son in cloth and handed him to her. Helped her learn to nurse. Told her how proud he was of her. How much he loved their child, and her.   </p><p>And soon he was burning up a sun so she could say goodbye to her mother. Standing with her as they projected their image onto a windy beach in Norway. A bouncing, brown-haired toddler on her hip and a ring on her finger and several A-Levels under her belt. And though they were cut off too soon, knowing that her mother was happy with her father and Mickey and a new baby on the way, while she had a family of her own- it really was a balm to Rose.   </p><p>“She’s gone,” Rose howled as the link snapped closed forever, tears streaming down her face.</p><p>Their son reached up from his place on her hip, confused. The Doctor pulled them both into his chest, wrapping his long arms securely around them. </p><p>“There, there,” he soothed, holding her while she cried. “We’re here, Rose. We’re here. Your family.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the last chapter! Thank you for reading and please leave a comment if you've enjoyed this story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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